The First Day of the Rest of My Life

Sorta crazy. I feel like THIS is the first day of the rest of my life. Even though lots of paper work and going to court must take place. Emotionally and spiritually, I feel I am in a new "place."

It is hard work to disconnect thoughts and feelings from Dow. I see something and it triggers "Dow" for example right now the streets are filled with bikers, Dow's favorite past time. I know this will fade in time however it is disconcerting to me. I know it is part of the grief process made more difficult by the actuality that Dow is alive. So "the unfinished business of the relationship" is a reality and the grief is ongoing and will be for sometime.

Part of my response is for the first time in my life I feel a real need to move physically from "Dow's space" as I consider Chicago. We moved here for Dow's position at Loyola University, I hated to leave the beauty of SW Virginia, the mountains and weather were perfect for me. I often thought before we left 12 years ago, "Is this move for me or Dow?" I think that the move was ultimately for me spiritually and emotionally. Here I found like minded RC's, became involved in Women's Ordination, studied for and became a hospice chaplain.

Dow was removed from his chair of the department 1 1/2 years after our arrival. Dow has struggled with his career and his consulting which he counted on to supplement his income as a professor. However he did achieve becoming a full-professor, part of his criteria for coming. I can see Dow moving from Chicago if he can find a position in a town he likes where biking takes place all year, that is what he liked about Blacksburg. I think Dow has given up "creating a consulting company" His research is dated and the economy count against consulting, I think. It is up to Dow to do what he will and become who he will on this "First Day of the Rest of His Life." Dow doesn't believe in God, so I can't say, "God go with you." So I guess I will say, "May the Force (of evolution) be with you." It is enough.

I attended a monthly meeting of the local church affiliated Pax Christi this morning. I have been connected with them since I returned to Chicago from Walter Reed. We were discussing, "Who are we?" Do it periodically so that we can "ground ourselves in our commitment to peacemaking in this moment." It was so good to be able to be with other peacemakers. I love it, I feel at home when I am with them or with anyone working for justice and peace. This is my true home-spiritual and emotional, not the physical place. From hospice I know the physical is temporary, the values and meaning live forever. May my life become a witness to the values, I believe are Gospel values-peace, healing, reconciliation and justice making.

Then I spent 1/2 hour on the phone with Michael Duffey, prof at Marquette University and connected to the Center for Peacemaking which was funded by a retired graduate who came back, got his PHD and endowed the Center. Used his dissertation as the basis for a book "Gandhi's and Jesus-The Saving Power of Nonviolence" by Terrence J. Rynne.

Michael is really committed to the healing of veterans from PTSD. I didn't get to ask him if he was a veteran. They have trained listeners to gather with veterans, he says the veterans are not yet seeking the sessions out. I said, "It is like bereavement, you have to offer the space, who comes will be those who are ready."

So next weekend I will travel to Milwaukee to meet with Michael, the associate director of the center, and...he asked that I attend a class and be part of the discussion. I thought "I would love to be a speaker to the students" that is one of my goals-anti recruitment, don't have to say anything, just tell the story of a family suffering because of war. Let the young men and women decide. So I will take my photo albums and memories and tell the story.