Been to Milwaukee!

Headed to Milwaukee on Sunday. I wanted to "check out the town" as a possible move. Marquette University has a Center for Peace, about a year old. I was hoping to meet with staff but both were out of town. However a professor connected to the Center let me in to see the space. I also talked for 10 minutes in his ethics class, 13 students. I focused on my own decision to speak out against war and for creating a culture of peace.

He showed a made for TV movie called "Soldiers of Conscience" that followed 4 Iraq vets as they changed from soldiers to Conscientious Objectors to war. Very interesting as the movie gave each soldier plenty of time to express their own experiences and decision-making process. Great movie, don't miss it when it airs on PBS this fall. Three out of four soldiers were court-martialed, one Evangelical Christian was discharged-no repercussions.

After I spent a good deal of the afternoon with a social worker from Dept of Aging for the county trying to gather information about county services for those 65 plus. However, the department focuses on services for fragile seniors and I am not there yet! She told me that Wisconsin has a plan for drugs for seniors that is not income tested. I thought "cool will save me $30" in insurance a month. Milwaukee is a very nice city-the traffic is minimal around the university. I was surprised it is nothing like downtown Chicago.

I stayed at Marjorie's, a friend from WOC. She has been divorced for 20 years and has suffered the loss of her young son from severe retardation and its physical complications. She has a recessive gene mutation, did not pass on to her son who has 4 children. It was something that happened to her, no one else in the family has it. What genetic testing can tell us. It comes with the female gene so her son does not have it. She has a beautiful 100 year-old home but financially cannot retain it so she is planning to sell as soon as the market improves. I thought I might propose that I rent a room from her. The bedroom I stayed in is huge! Probably 15/15 feet with a bath next door. I thought my bed, computer, chair to read in and two dressers would have no problems fitting and with room to spare. I thought I could pay half of what I am now and she could use the money to fix up the house to sell! That would get me acclimated to the city and be ready to move to an apartment when I needed to!

The rents are more reasonable. Don't know about food, gas was 30 cents cheaper than Chicago. Rents were cheaper than Chicago. The streets were empty of cars and very few folks were on the sidewalks. It was definitely not like downtown Chicago! It looks like there are not many office buildings downtown. The major new city center is the huge conference complex. I have been there every year for the Call to Action weekend. I have been trying to see movies on the weekend for relaxation. The show for seniors was $6.50. She let me choose so I decided "Why not" and we went off to see Indiana Jones and the Chrystal Skull. A really good "swashbuckling-no blood" movie. One chase after madcap chase. And as usual the ending was "out there" leave it to Spielberg and Lucas. The special effects were great. I hope Ford does another one. Me being a senior and all. He even gets the girl at the end! What a hoot!

What really surprised me was how emotionally relaxed I was visiting Milwaukee on my own. I was out of Chicago and away from Dow's and Jason's presence and the trauma of our relationships. I have never felt that way in all of my adult years! What the feelings affirmed for me was that it is right that I move from Chicago for "my heart's sake." I had told Marjorie this when she asked me, "Why do you want to leave, Chicago has so many things to offer?" I said, "It is the pain of all that has gone on in my emotional life while I have lived here." Sometimes it does take a physical move to "begin again with a new life." The wounding of Jason, the end of our toxic marriage will forever be "Chicago memories" for me. They are connected with this place. I felt free knowing I would not see Jason or Dow in this place.

I do not know if a volunteer peace center position can be created for me. Will my life and work be an asset for the center in its 2nd year? I will not move to Milwaukee unless I can be involved in work of the center. I thought I need to negotiate two things with the center: 1. Parking permit and 2. Access to the fitness center on campus. I couldn't find anywhere to work out. I figure I would need to drive to a suburb and that I really didn't like! Although a couple of the apartment complexes advertised a fitness center.

What bummed me out was for the first time in 1 1/2 years of speaking, I forgot my notes! I felt as if speaking in this class was a mini job interview and I blew it. I also didn't clearly connect Jason going to the army and my own coming to consciousness on how I felt/believed about the war. The ethical decision to speak out against war and for peace with the "cost" that Jason does not speak to me.