A "Name" Change

I had the strangest experience yesterday. I am a hospice chaplain and make visits to folks at home, in nursing homes where ever they might be. As a record of my visit I write out a Spiritual Care Visit Note and sign it. One copy for the medical facility, one copy for the office. They must be signed by me and verified by a person on site. Over my 6 years as a chaplain/spiritual care coordinator, I have signed 1000's of them as I visit about 15-20 folks a week in my three days of ministry.

As the day went on, I wrote about 7 notes yesterday, I began to look at my signature: Catherine M. Scott, MPS, SCC. I felt, "Who is CMS?" This signature is no longer mine. It is as if the identity once known as Catherine M. Scott, which I have written for over 32 years is no more. I thought, "Why am I writing this strange/foreign name?" I have really disconnected from this identity, my legal name. I thought "What strange evidence that the divorce has already been finalized, no matter what the day the judge signs the paper."

I have been divorced before but kept the last name because Lisa was a young child and they said it makes it easier for schools, medical, etc. This time I really want my "own name" back. I want to dissociate myself from the destructive relationship Dow's and my marriage was. What I think has occurred is that the emotional "hook" of the relationship is lessening in power. I do not feel I need to be married, in fact I never want to be married again and can't even begin to imagine a male/female relationship. I have no desire ever to enter into such a relationship; that was destroyed by this "marriage."