I am a hospice chaplain and today I did a talk-to with a son and his wife signing the consents for his 94 year old mother to come into hospice. Yesterday I did the same with another son also with a 90 year old mother who had declined dramatically in the last week.
Two men, both retired tenderly caring for their mothers. Both of the patients are unresponsive as they prepare to cross the River Styx into eternity. Both men had spent years providing support and being present to their mothers in their declining years.
I felt my heart hurt. My son would never do this for me. We are estranged. I thought, "I did not love my son so that he could grow and return love to me." I was so happy for these men even in their sorrow and impending loss. They had experienced good relationships with their mothers. I am so glad that other mothers are successful where I have not been.
I never knew my own spiritual and emotional woundedness until I saw the total devastation of Jason's body. Jason's body imaged the wounding of my soul. I could no longer deny the suffering of my own life. I had to stop it.
I filed for divorce after Dow refused to look into his own life and emotional wounding.
I cry as I type this for the empty years of my life and for Jason who grew up without loving parents. May we both heal so that love can renewed in the circle of life.
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