We hold our liturgies in a store-front church in a very poor section of Chicago called Uptown. It has never recovered from the white-flight of the 1960's. However during the construction boom the neighborhood has been gentrifying, as we say in Chicago. Once we had many persons from homeless shelters in the neighborhood, now we have a couple of regulars. (Names have been changed for privacy)
Ed, ex-felon and drug addict now working for a large supermarket. A very solid man in his 40-50's. Ed has attended the Harold for the 12 years I have been in Chicago. Chuck, a drug user (I believe he was high this morning) and Sam a man suffering from a TBI or something. But can only speak with his fingers in his mouth or squeezing his face with his hands. Both of these men I have met within the last year.
I worship in a circle of about 12 folks and most of them are living on the "forefront of theology." Most of our congregation are RC nuns. These nuns have spent their lives working for justice and peace, writers and civil resisters, prophets all. Today was going to try their lives of non-violence. The gospel was the traditional "hear the word of God" are you "a rocky soil, a thorn bush or good soil" for the seed of Godde's word to grow in? I wanted to challenge the good Sisters and my own thinking. Every Sunday we have a dialog homily, that is we share how we experience/what we have learned/heard from the readings of the day. Today I replaced the 2nd reading with this selection:
From the words of the Balinese shaman and healer Katut
Katut says he knows one meditation that takes him “to up.”
“The meditation takes me seven places in universe.
Last place I go is heaven.”
“What is it like?”
“Everything beautiful is there. Every person beautiful is there.
Everything beautiful to eat is there. Everything is love there.
Heaven is love,” Katut replies.
Katut says he knows another meditation. “To down.”
then, in the second meditation you must go down to….?”
“Hell” Katut finishes the statement.
“You have been to hell?”
He smiles. Of course he’s been there.
“What is it like in hell?” Elisabeth asks.
“Same like heaven,” Katut replies. He sees my confusion.
“Universe is a circle” Katut says, “To up, to down—all same, at end.”
“How can you tell the difference between heaven and hell?”
“Because of how you go.
Heaven, you go up, through seven happy places.
Hell you go down, through seven sad places.
That is why it better for you to go up.” Katut laughs.
Elisabeth asks, “You might as well spend your life going upward, through the happy places, since heaven and hell—the destination—are the same thing anyway?”
“Same-same” Katut responds,
“Same in end, so better to be happy on journey.”
“Love, too” Katut answers.
There is a process for reflection that I have used in the past. I selected it this morning because I wanted to control the discussion of this reading. I didn't know who would be present and I wanted us to "listen and be fertile soil for the Word of God" contained in this shaman's wisdom. Well, from this group, expect the unexpected. The process is done in three rounds, with no response or discussion. I call it a nominal group process. It is to open us to the Spirit-Sophia.
Read the passage then,
1. Choose the word or phrase that caught my attention. Meditate in silence. Share the word with no responses or challenges from others.
Read the passage again, alternating male and female, then:
2. From what I have heard and shared: What does God want me to do or be this week? How does God invite me to change? Again no responses or cross talk.
Read the passage again, then:
3. Going around the circle each person prays for the person on his/her right. For them to fulfill what Godde is calling them to this week.
Chuck as usual has come in late to the service. He is clean, well dressed, constantly in motion, his eyes are dilated. Chuck always enters and begins speaking out loud "sorry I am late, etc." always disrupting the service and becoming the center of attention. So normal.
I begin to explain the process. I do not believe that Chuck was present for the first reading of the passage which I would have done as the second reading. He was present as I read the steps which he has a copy to read along and refer to.
I begin the first round. I start so that I can model the behavior and then facilitate/control the responses. When it is Chuck's turn he goes ballistic, "You are reading, not telling me what line, where it is!" I try to explain, he gets more upset. "What is this? I don't like this!" He refuses to "choose" a thought/word. "Just go by me!" Erin sitting next to him tries to explain again, he is not buying this reflective process. He cannot try something new.
The good sisters are upset for this is a "challenging reading," and I know they like it by their body language. I am praying like crazy, knowing Godde is present and is in control. We continue around the circle and all goes as instructed.
Second round, as the reading progresses, Chuck leaves the room as he usually does and I think, "Okay, no more disruptions" but he returns. I model my answer on personal meaning, Carrie says, "I pass" and then it is Chuck's turn. Because he was out of the room, I thought he won't participate and ask Erin to respond. Definitely an opening for Chuck to be disruptive and in control. "Why didn't you ask me?" I honestly replied "Because you have been out of the room." He rants and raves. I apologize and say, "We are in step 4, would you like to say a personal meaning for a word or phrase." "I don't understand this process, I am confused. I don't understand the reading" etc. etc. Erin agrees with him, "The reading is difficult. I understand your confusion." He has been listened to by Erin. This permits Chuck to “have the last word” and he is mollified.
The next person says, "I don't understand the passage at all." It has really challenged her. Her son is in prison and she is struggling so much. The nuns have understandable responses. Sam is contorting as he tries to speak. He struggles so hard I cannot understand him. He does not address the reading as he came in late. My heart breaks for him. But he is accepted in this circle of worship.
We come to Lily who is developmentally challenged. Her mother placed her in a nursing home because of challenges. She is in her 40's. Before liturgy she had told me that "I am with God. I have been praying every day, I have been to confession." She has an inner glow. I am happy for her. I congratulate her on her experience of Godde. She is to speak next. Lily says, "God is beyond love." That is all. We all look at her. What did she say? We are heart struck. Sr Renny who is next is stunned. "I can't respond. I want to ponder what Lily has said, "God is beyond love." Then she continues, "God is mystery. Beyond love, hell, heaven, up/down/forward. God is mystery." I had felt the same as I expressed it in the term "paradox" that is where we find God.
We have come to the heart of our relationship with God. We can spend our lives in relationship to God and ultimately it is Mystery, the Sacred Mystery in which we move and have our being and which accepts us in love at death.
Ed brings us back to earth, to this time and place. Ed is very straight in his response with strong feeling; "I don't get this at all. How can heaven and hell be the same? be love?"
I am about ready to laugh: the rocky soil, the thorns, the good soil within the hearts of this congregation, of all of humanity when the seeds of understanding are sown. We shared from our depths. I am happy, Sophia is alive and present and active in those who seek to listen and to hear the Word of God. Awe fills my heart as I have taken the time to reflect this afternoon writing these notes. I know that Godde is very pleased with our reflection! It is true adoration and praise. We held each other in inclusive love which is God. Beyond heaven, beyond hell. It is enough.
Blessings to each of you where ever you find yourself on the journey of life which is a spiritual journey. We are created to know Godde however that might be for each of us.
What a day!:-) The peace walkers have just called, they want to take me out to dinner. So I am off to dinner with two new friends from Ohio. They will walk one more day then return home on Tuesday. When I return to the peace vigil at the Federal Plaza building for the first time since the beginning of the year. How I have missed my friends and fellow peacemakers.
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