"We're settled," the Lady Lawyer Wrote

On Tuesday, Scott Gordon Esq was in the hall of the courthouse meeting with some other lawyers. Dow's lawyer came up to him and scribbled on his legal pad, "We have a settlement." As Scott was meeting with the lawyers he was to call her back today. And will keep me in the loop. I imagine we will need to meet to rewrite the settlement terms one more time.

I received a portion of my share of the 2007 tax refund from Dow today. I imagine he is cleaning out the checking account so he doesn't owe me anything on our court date with the judge to sign the papers. The divorce is in the details...and this one has truly been harry. No one can believe that it has taken us 18 months to get divorced. I tell everyone "Godde was giving Dow time to explore his feelings and come to know who he is emotionally." Didn't happen. When Jason was hit in Iraq and Lisa asked Dow, "Dad, how do you feel?" Dow replied, "I feel like you do." The man has no ability to connect to human feelings starting with his own. I was only too ready to accept responsibility for Dow's inability to connect to another and there in lies the source of a very long, very toxic marriage.

I started this day by waking about 5:30 and realizing (from my psyche) that this was a new day, why I felt this way I would find out later in the morning.) I decided to start my new schedule: up at 6AM, breakfast and prayer till 7, exercise at the Armory for an hour (about 10 minute walk from my apartment), home for a shower and off to work by 9 AM. Slept really well last night even after the bombshell of finding out Heartland Hospice is closing the office in Lake Bluff May 5, 2008-two weeks away!

This morning I took a detour to attend a session of the Laughter Club-a new phenomenon that is sweeping the country. Folks get together to laugh-not at jokes, just laugh. Try this

1. Finger tips on cheeks under your eyes-say "tee hee" that's the teehee zone,
2. hands on your upper chest, your "ha-ha" zone,
3. Hands on your belly, your "ho-ho"

Then you raise your arms up in the air over your head and shout "Yes" or whatever and you laugh. Our facilitator-Yup, you can get certified as a laugh leader!-lead us down the merry road to laughter for about an hour and I can honestly say, "After the session, my whole body felt lighter!" It was a hoot. I have been smiling all day, just thinking about the exercises. Another one is to "laugh your way through a song" Don't use the words but the three laugh sounds above.
We tried "Row, row your boat" and "Happy Birthday." Of course 20 folks in the chorus all singing something different to the same the tune was awesome!

Now our "Laughter Club" was held at a retirement center and about 1/2 of the folks have dementia or something causing them not to be able to enter into the experience. Some did not sing ever. I noticed two women who sat still throughout but by the end of the session their hands gently laying on their laps were "tapping to our "Ho Ho"" music! They were participating as deeply as they could! I was so happy for them! and that makes me smile even now! How great life is!

I have decided that every community-church, school, neighborhood, workplace, needs a laugh leader and everyone needs to come! What fun, truly! I am going to go whenever I can! maybe even become a laugh leader.

What joy-of course I could be saying this because "We're settled." How did I find out? After the laugh club I headed N to visit patients and my intuition insisted I call my lawyer. Here I am driving on a very busy Lake-Cook and it is "Call Scott now!" Couldn't let go of it. So I punched the numbers and got the news! How I feel free! How I feel free! I am sure there will be bumps in the road, but I have lived at Walter Reed for 8 months, that is my benchmark. Compared to that experience and seeing my only son's body so severely injured, everything is easy! I have no fear, it was burned up in Jason's wounding. Jason's wounding was my healing. It is a true paradox, yet that is what makes me sure it was Godde's world, not ours as humans but much more real to spiritual truth which I cannot comprehend only understand that I experienced truth.

It is not my path to remain ignorant and I knew the cost of war. Dow refused to accept this. Except war has brought peace to my soul. Not war but my decision after seeing what Dow and I had influenced-Jason's behavior to enter the army. It is enough, I pray for every one's healing for there is no past/present/future in eternity, there is only NOW.

So after hearing the good news, I was stunned. I knew it would come, didn't know when. I had worked with Sr. Pat on Monday and learned "That I need to extend compassion to myself." When the grief of the divorce is triggered, "I am to hold myself within the compassion within me." I use Jesus as he is the "Icon of Compassion" for me. I know I am to dedicate my life to peacemaking. It feels so good. I will grieve the loss of what could have been. I feel that my work of this relationship is over. Dow and Jason are in the hands of Godde. I want so hard to remember my dreams tonight! I have been dreaming only of "being stuck."

I headed off to visit patients. I couldn't believe how I felt. It was a sunny, blue sky day and I felt that way inside too! I visited a retirement center than a nursing home and took both ladies outside in their wheel chairs. It was so great to be with them. They are completing their lives and I am beginning mine at the age of 65, you know! When most folks are retiring, I am just beginning. I truly have never done anything like anyone else. I have no idea why, my life has just been led this way. I truly do believe that God is writing a story and I am sure She is puzzled at the twists and turns that have appeared in "this character of mine."