I headed to my spiritual director this morning. She is a Sister of St. Joseph in La Grange IL. About an hour and pulled into the parking lot edged with magnolias in full bloom. We had a good hour together with her most sage advice at the end. I told her about my grief over the marriage. I can go many places where Dow and I used to go and not be bothered. But then it will happen: I will be overwhelmed with feelings of grief.
Not of loss but feelings of anxiety and fear connected to my 35 year-relationship with Dow. Sr. Pat said, "It is time you are compassionate to yourself." When these feelings occur, "Imagine your compassion holding you, healing you, making you whole. Transforming your feelings into wholeness." I know that I will use her wise advice the next time the feelings of the relationship are triggered.
After our session I headed out to a friend in Lisle who is a naturalist volunteer at the Morton Arboretum. Maura's actual backyard adjoins the arboretum. They had just completed the spring burn so I got to see the fields darkened yet already greening after only one week. Maura has coyotes visiting her yard regularly. She says "They look at me and I look back." We got into my car and headed for the lot which was packed as Earth Day is this week and this year so many folks are speaking out and taking action against Global Warming. We had eaten at Maura's as she said we would never get waited on in the restaurant and definitely she was right.
Today she took me to the East wooded walk and it was truly "Spring fabulous" Maura had checked the woods last week and none of the flowers we saw today were blooming. She said because of the severity of the winter, the flowers are indeed late this spring. This work marvelously for me. As I only get out that way once a month. We saw and took pictures of hepatica-found a patch of white, pink and purple. May apples beginning to spread their umbrellas, trout lilies which were white shooting stars arising from the spotted leaves. (In Michigan where I grew up they were yellow. So there must be different species) Wonderful patches of spring beauties and bloodroot. We only found one patch of Dutchman's britches. Some trilliums were budding. Virginia Bluebells were about 12" high, no sight of flowers yet.
We stopped to listen to the spring frogs sing; Maura monitors them by coming out 2 times a week, taking the temperature of air and water and listens for the frog song. I grew up with frogs in the pond my dad made my mother so it brought back good memories. I love the night sounds. The sounds of red wing blackbirds, killdeer, and cardinals filled the air.
I felt so energized after our hour in the woods it did, indeed, bring comfort to my soul. I spent the afternoon when I got home walking to the garden shop near by to purchase some anti-bug stuff-organic as I have the tiniest, I think, spiders infesting my peace plant. I gave it a good bath and hopefully, this will work and do the nasty critters in so my plant can thrive. It gave me blooms all winter and brought cheer to my heart. I really do not want to loose it. I hope I always have a peace plant to inspire to green the world with peace.
So now I am coming down to a quiet evening at home: cooked and ate a huge artichoke! How wonderful and Harvard beets a true favorite of mine.
I will have a busy days this week. I want to attend a Christian, Jewish, and Muslim dialogue on the first three chapters of Genesis-the creation story being hosted by St. Gertrude's tomorrow evening. On Thursday I must prepare to preside on Sunday and work on my speech for May 10 in DC or maybe on Saturday. Friday we have our "Conscientious Projector" series, this month focusing on the environment. If I can swing it Maura invited me to go to the Dunes-in Indiana two hours S of Chicago for a day with the naturalists. I thought I have to do this, I will have to see if the good God leaves the day open for me. If JACHO (hospice review group) doesn't show I am sorely tempted to pack it all and go. I like Maura love to learn about nature.
I truly love not being in a relationship. I can do what I want to do, when I want to do it. Dow dominated and controlled our lives and activities. Now I am free an amazing place to be in the spring. All is a blessing. It is enough.
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