A Non-event Pretrial

Dow and I were to meet with the judge today at 8:30. Actually the lawyers were to meet with the judge and we were to wait in the courtroom. Then he was to come out, and give his "recommendations" euphemism for "If we were in court, the settlement would be..." 85% of folks settle after "hearing the news" from the judge.

So I had been up most of the night trying to get to sleep but too anxious to get any more than a cat-nap. I think I fell asleep at 12:30 and woke before 5 AM. I was red-eyed and exhausted in court so am very glad "I didn't have to think and be rational over financial dickering" between the lawyers. Dow is DEMANDING that I find a full-time position, so he doesn't have to pay alimony. "Hello" I am pushing 65 and haven't had a full-time position since 1979 when we moved to Blacksburg Va and I became "Dow's support person" for his career. A role I played for all our marriage.

Scenario:
I arrive about 8:15, go up to the 16th floor of the Daley Center. Dow is sitting on a bench, one of many around the halls that lead to doors of various court rooms. I say "Hello" and walk away. I was looking for a restroom (being almost 65-bladder filling is an issue). I come out and know I am not going to sit anywhere near Dow so I head down a hall toward 1605. I arrive and it is darkened. A young woman sits outside on her bench. I feel safe and content to sit next to her.

She is here because she has young children and is required to take a parenting class. however she is broke and needs the judge's signature so the fee can be waved so she can take the class which she must do for her divorce to move forward. I am thinking, "The woman is caught in a do loop." Thankful I have the money in the moment to pay my lawyer and for a class if it had been needed. I wish her well. My lawyer shows up and tries the door: locked.

Now Scott had been reassuring me that the judge is a "working judge" never late, early arriver, moves the hearing, etc. So "Where is the judge?" Someone from the inside comes to open the door and turns on the lights. There are two women sitting in the dark. "Weird" I think. They must have been the 8 AM appointment. The Clerk of the Court "the judge's right hand man" according to Scott comes out from the inner sanctum somewhere. He and Scott talk, "It is not good, the judge is late for 'personal reasons.'" I am thinking "heart-attack?" (my daughter's father in law died suddenly of a heart attack on Friday while swimming in the gulf near Tampa-a shock to the whole family although he was 86 and had a history of heart trouble. Smoked heavily all his life.)

We are marching through the 1/2 hour of court time allotted to us. Dow and his lawyer are in the room, Dow with me and the lawyer Mary near the front talking with Scott and the Clerk. They have to reschedule the hearing as you don't push back appointments of other folks during the day. Between Dow and Jason going to Europe for the next two weeks, my lawyer's taking his summer vacation, etc. We don't appear before the judge till August 21. So today was a non-event. I thought "Let's see, at $250 an hour per lawyer we just got hit with about $500 worth of lawyer time to "reschedule an appointment!" Getting divorced is very expensive.

I did talk to Dow:
Asked Dow if he knew when the funeral for Jim was-Wednesday.

Asked Dow to ask Jason to please change his phone number with the Orlando VA. They are still leaving ticklers for Jason's appointments on the cell. We got the cell for our time at Walter Reed and Jason gave out the number there as he didn't have a cell phone for a while. I now use it exclusively for work. I have repeatedly asked Jason to change the phone via email with no response, obviously. Jason never picks up the phone when I call, so I send email. It's easier as it doesn't hurt my heart as much as knowing Jason looks at whose calling and doesn't pick up because it is me. (It makes me cry as I write this. The grief of Jason's rejection of me is so very strong into my bones.)

Asked Dow when he and Jason were going to England-Dow leaves on Saturday. Don't know if that is to Orlando then on to Europe or will the four men meet in England. They will walk Hadrian's wall and do whatever. I am not privy to any of the plans.

Asked Dow about paying the lawyer as he wants to be paid from a joint account Dow created with the money I earned from DOD while at Walter Reed for helping Jason.

So that was the extent of the conversation. Scott and I talked for a few moments after in the courtroom, Dow and his lawyer outside the courtroom. I walked passed them without saying a word or looking at them. It is enough. To leave the emotional battlefield that was our "marriage" is enough. I don't have any words or feelings for Dow. They were burned up in the hell of Jason's wounding and my living at Walter Reed.