Meet with the lawyer: Hmmmm

Today I met with my lawyer to prepare for the pre-trial hearing with the judge scheduled for next Monday at the Daley Center in downtown Chicago. "It's the building with the Picasso" we say. So if you've seen pictures, you know where I'll be 8:30 am.

Except it sounds like a non-event. The procedure will look like this:
Dow and I sit in the audience-behind the bar. Scott said the place will probably be empty at that hour but to arrive early as I must now go through security.

The lawyers are present.
The judge comes out.
The judge calls only them into his chambers.
The judge leads the discussion, asks his questions.
Makes his decision.
Comes back to court.
Presents it to both Dow and I and...waits.
Dow can say, "I want to think about it."
I can say, "I want to think about it."
We can "Come to agreement right then."
We can "Meet later."
Dow/I can say "See you at trial."
However, the trial judge will not be the same judge.
So I figure he must give "the average judge decision" knowing the facts of the case

Issues are
1. Non-marital property. I say my mother's inheritance to me is non-marital, Dow disagrees.
2. Value of property-bank accounts, retirement, etc.
3. Life insurance on Dow so I can get alimony if he dies.
4. Amount of alimony/maintenance and for how long, i.e. permanent?

Scott said this is not a difficult settlement to negotiate, i.e. pretty much set by law.
The only kicker is "Will the judge, at my age of approaching 65, require me to get a full time position?" Scott says "no" If I were 50 probably "a strong Yes" but not approaching retirement age. Is it realistic? No, I am not certified to work as a chaplain, required by all full time positions. Dow keeps demanding it anytime his lawyer writes an answer to us. I said, "Is this real? Can Dow attempt to control my life after the divorce is final?"

It reminds me so much of when I was involved in the removal of my CPE supervisor in 2001. She demanded that I not tell the truth for my leaving!
I was incredulous.
How could she ever attempt to control me after I quit the program?
How can Dow control me after the divorce?
He keeps arguing it because he doesn't want to give me any money!
I am sure he figures 1/2 of his retirement IS enough.

I present for consideration that our divorce proves:
1. Don't marry an older woman/spouse (by 9) years and
2. Have your wife/spouse work and earn her/his own retirement! not stay at home and be "emotional mother" to you.

"Hello" time for a reality check Dow!
It is all about the money and the law!