I Hit a Kitty Today :-(

I was coming back from the hospital where I had visited a patient and her family. Her mother has buried two sons already and her husband and this pending loss is breaking her heart. I pulled out of the hospital and headed down Ridge toward Chicago.

A small cat looked as if it was going to cross the road, it did. I didn't think quick enough to hit my horn, I never use it. I felt the wheels hit the kitty and felt sick to my stomach. Immediately a memory of when I ran over a chipmunk in the '60's flashed back. I was leaving the road to the house where I lived with my first husband. I remember "the crunch" under the tires. Today I could not stop, there is no place to pull to the side of Ridge.

I felt the tenuousness of life. How quickly I might die, an accident. I am glad that I am divorcing Dow. I do not know what my life will be for the reminder of my years. I am trying to be ruthlessly honest. No matter what happens. I believe I am doing the right thing emotionally and spiritually for myself. Just for myself, not living out Dow's needs or Jason's needs or anyone else's needs.

I cleaned up the kitchen and the dining room-still some to go. I will take Thursday off this week.
Tomorrow we have the changed day for IDT and this bothers me so much. I cannot go to the Peace Vigil as I have since 9/18/01. We knew we were going to war.