I thought I would record my "average Sunday" So different now that I am alone, I move at my own schedule, change at a wink of an eye. Happy to be able to choose when/how/what for the first time in my life. I cannot believe it. I have learned that each individual needs to be "on his/her own" to try it all out; to be responsible for oneself totally.
I slept in until 8 AM which gave an hour before I had to head out to liturgy with my small RC faith community. We have a full circle this morning. We have been having trouble with one of our visitors not being able to control the length of time. We now "hold everyone to 2 minutes" and he seems to be taking it quite well. And we are all being responsible and all "calling time." This is good, as the tension was getting higher and higher. (I will preside next week and we will celebrate the feast of All Saints and All Souls.) Sometimes nothing goes well. We couldn't find a lighter for the candle, one of the ministry visitors found a cigarette lighter. Charlotte led us in song but is a soprano and sang so high we couldn't sing. Jay brought donuts for treats afterwards and folks from the ministry came into our service to get the donuts! That hadn't happened before. I put my banana bread in the freezer for another day! I will make my own bread for liturgy next week.
After I took one of our members out to breakfast and gave her $20 toward bus fare as she is job searching. Very difficult for C as she is in her 50's and this is the first time that she has not had a job for a length of time. C is an accountant for non-profits, not degrees years of experience. C is also a soloist for Messiah (music major) and is really gearing up for the performances.
After I did some chores-food shopping, picking up the cleaning etc. The day became a day of sunshine and warm 50's. I thought "I must take a walk on the shoreline." I feel funny because Dow bikes back and forth to work on the paths and I think, "Will I see him today?" I dread the thought. Even when I shop as Dow could frequent the same stores-"What do you say to one's ex when you meet in a casual setting?" I never saw Joe LaVerdi after my first divorce. He got remarried and he didn't pick up his daughter Lisa. I was hurt by Joe's infidelity, this time my family has pegged me with the role of "bad marriage partner" I will admit to that but so must Dow as it takes two to stay in a toxic relationship for 30 years. My family is not ready to admit that if they will ever be. They do not realize the "Marriage" fitted Dow's needs perfectly, that is why he had no complaints and was so surprised when I said, "I quit, I am burned out" when we were at Walter Reed after Jason's injury.
I headed for the "totem pole" but never got there. I turned on the wrong drive-Irving Park and couldn't make a right. So I must have to go even farther S on Lakeshore. I will try it again. But the days are becoming few that I will want to walk in the sun. I am home the next two weekends then gone till the end of the month each week with a long trip for Thanksgiving. I might have to explore next spring!
I went back to Montrose and headed for the bird sanctuary. The only thing it has been reported that it has become a "meeting place for gays" I can't tell a gay person from a straight but today I was looking twice at the "nice looking guys-dressed up" walking by themselves trying to look nonchalantly at me. They would walk by me and put their heads in the air. Sorta funny. I guess the bird season is about done. Met a birder who said "I didn't see a thing." I met her on my return circuit and she said, "I saw an owl," didn't know what kind. I told her, "Persistence pays off." She said I could go to IBET.org-Illinois birders.
After it was time to make chicken soup-had a chicken carcass used Swanson's bullion, added mushrooms-a few too many, then sliced carrots I love those. I got that started, oh I had to cook the egg noodles first as I now only have one pot. Then I headed out to repot some plants as we are to have frost this week. I also began to plant bulbs-daffodils and hyacinths but was angered that the daffs were molded I wound up throwing about 1/2 away! I have two small junks of flower bed where I can put bulbs. So I will keep going, if weather permits. I also want to force a planter full. I love them in January when things are so cold!
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Saturday, October 27, 2007
A Blue Sky March Day
Wow what a day this has been.
I just loved it top to bottom.
I got up about 8AM to find it had rained as predicted, and was worried about our turn out at the Chicago Midwest March against the War called by United For Peace and Justice (UFPJ). I thought maybe things will be better by noon when I planned to leave for Union Park-Ashland and Lake in Chicago's West Side. We were to gather, hear speakers then march about 2 miles to Federal Plaza for another Rally. We of MFSO, VFP, VVAW, IVAW were going to be a contingent at the head of the march. The route was to take us down Ashland onto Jackson then downtown to the Plaza.
(The same plaza where 8th Day holds its weekly vigil since 9/18/01, the week after Sept 11. We knew we would go to war, we didn't know when. Sadly we were right and we are still there. We have given out over 200,000 fliers for peace and justice in the 6 years we have been there.)
We gathered and heard the Raging Grannies amongst others, they put anti war words to traditional songs. Linda a MFSO mom who hurt her back and couldn't come gave me about a 1000 post cards to hand out. "Funding the war is killing our troops." on the front side. I am so used to handing out flyers from the peace vigil I knew these would be an easy, easy sell. I told everyone "take three, one for each senator and your Federal representative. Take more for friends and family-have a sign and mail party!" Had a number of takers and some came back for more, once they understood what I was asking. Not many folks refused, of course, the cordon of police did. Police were few at the park but when we began to enter the loop the police lined each side of the street and walked with us. Only wore flak jackets, standard for everyday in Chicago so I thought that they were not "overdressed." But when we got to the loop, "Private" Security stood in front of stores and offices. Dressed in off green with a star on their chests they wielded billy clubs. I thought "Blackwater!" Oh, give us a break all ready!
I met folks from Wisconsin, Iowa "Women for Peace," Michigan MFSO, All kinds of union folks and the my favorites Sgt Cherry who went AWOL with PTSD, went public and the Army discharged him with honorable with benefits after 18 months, a GoldStar father Juan Torres, his son was found shot in a shower in Afghanistan after he wrote home about the drug trafficking on
base. A mom whose son attempted suicide two weeks ago was there. Another mother who has been on sabbatical for a year is now coming back to activism. The work is so gruelling emotionally I don't know how any of us do it-the passion for life, the knowledge of the destruction of war to hearts and minds and bodies, the love for our family members keeps us energized beyond burn out.
I was handing out my postcards and a young man on the side walk refused it, "I'm in the military mam." I said, "My son lost his eye and arm in Iraq." I took his hand and shook it tight, looked into his eyes and began to cry, "You keep safe and come back whole." He said, "Thank
you mam. Thank your son for his service." I cry as I type this, such handsome young men another generation to be ground up by the horrors of war. Everyone of our soldiers IS my son and daughter. Maybe their own mothers cannot express the fear as I do, it is my role to love them into being here not there. I told everyone "I am marching for my grandchildren, I do not want one of them to think that the military is an option! It is not as long as I breathe."
Our contingent of MFSO included March, Ridgley, and myself from IL, Stacy and Renai from MO, Bob and Deb from Michigan. Deb has been to jail a number of times, some for SOA watch at Ft. Benning. She is not going this year, my first.
As we were in the park, the clouds parted and the sun came out. Not long into the march, the sky was a beautiful clear blue! and that followed us all the way into the Plaza. We were met by anti-protesters who later I learned had their bull horns taken away by the Chicago police because they did not have a permit. They were across the street and looked pretty tired as we passed by. The media interviewed a number of the vets and our main MFSO speaker Stacy from MO whose husband is in meltdown with PTSD. She said, "I do not want my family to become victims of this war." They already are as each of us is. I will try to get her speech and post it.
It was so great to see the Iraq Veterans Against the War, they too had a speaker. Everyone clapped for us as we all gathered on the stage together and when we left. I introduced Cherry to a group of students who want a speaker for their school. Hope they can get together. If you want a speaker contact your local veterans. I love being with them, I feel as if I am with my brothers and sisters. We walk on common ground and it IS sacred ground of saying "NO to war." We have arrived at this place on different paths but now we ARE on common ground. I feel emotionally at home when I am with them. At a planning meeting for the march I met a Air Force Veteran-Vietnam, visiting his brother. I saw him in the audience, I invited him to join us! I was so happy. He later told me, "Didn't know you had such power." He is from AK I said, "You need to get a medal for being a volunteer from the farthest point away!"
My camera fell and I lost my battery, darn it. So I didn't get photos of us as the MFSO had a joint dinner before we all headed back to our homes. We ate at the DePaul Student Center "My Thai" restaurant, everyone appreciated the food after 6 hours on our feet and out in the sun and now much colder weather! We had taken one of the regular 8th Day Center Peace vigilers her for her 90th birthday. Yes, protest war and you have a vocation for life!
Should have a frost here in Chicago tonight, the first one of the season, about right on schedule actually. But the day was perfect, one of the marchers and I were saying, "In DC the weather was as hot as Hades a month ago." She liked the heat I said, "I would take today." Just watched the news, they reported only 5,000 protesters; our folks said "30,000." Somewhat of a disparity I would say. I would like to know how many folks came out over the 11 sites today. the goal was 2 million.
Feedback for the march:
1. Be sure everyone is non-violent. A young man with a bullhorn was harassing the police. I felt his language was violent and for what ends.
2. The marshalls had a problem with the number of veterans/families prepared to go to the stage. The stage was huge and could have held triple our number. Don't know what the problem was-poor communication definitely.
3. Don't invite Federal representatives. It is a divider for the peace groups because they keep funding this horrendous war. MFSO would not endorse because of it. Of course, they didn't show up-Durbin and Obama.
Overall, I was pleased with the march and the day.
I would definitely do it again, sad to say that we probably will have to do it.
CCAWR were giving out planning dates for the 5th anniversary March 2008.
Blessings I need to sleep now if I can come down enough from the high of marching for peace.
I just loved it top to bottom.
I got up about 8AM to find it had rained as predicted, and was worried about our turn out at the Chicago Midwest March against the War called by United For Peace and Justice (UFPJ). I thought maybe things will be better by noon when I planned to leave for Union Park-Ashland and Lake in Chicago's West Side. We were to gather, hear speakers then march about 2 miles to Federal Plaza for another Rally. We of MFSO, VFP, VVAW, IVAW were going to be a contingent at the head of the march. The route was to take us down Ashland onto Jackson then downtown to the Plaza.
(The same plaza where 8th Day holds its weekly vigil since 9/18/01, the week after Sept 11. We knew we would go to war, we didn't know when. Sadly we were right and we are still there. We have given out over 200,000 fliers for peace and justice in the 6 years we have been there.)
We gathered and heard the Raging Grannies amongst others, they put anti war words to traditional songs. Linda a MFSO mom who hurt her back and couldn't come gave me about a 1000 post cards to hand out. "Funding the war is killing our troops." on the front side. I am so used to handing out flyers from the peace vigil I knew these would be an easy, easy sell. I told everyone "take three, one for each senator and your Federal representative. Take more for friends and family-have a sign and mail party!" Had a number of takers and some came back for more, once they understood what I was asking. Not many folks refused, of course, the cordon of police did. Police were few at the park but when we began to enter the loop the police lined each side of the street and walked with us. Only wore flak jackets, standard for everyday in Chicago so I thought that they were not "overdressed." But when we got to the loop, "Private" Security stood in front of stores and offices. Dressed in off green with a star on their chests they wielded billy clubs. I thought "Blackwater!" Oh, give us a break all ready!
I met folks from Wisconsin, Iowa "Women for Peace," Michigan MFSO, All kinds of union folks and the my favorites Sgt Cherry who went AWOL with PTSD, went public and the Army discharged him with honorable with benefits after 18 months, a GoldStar father Juan Torres, his son was found shot in a shower in Afghanistan after he wrote home about the drug trafficking on
base. A mom whose son attempted suicide two weeks ago was there. Another mother who has been on sabbatical for a year is now coming back to activism. The work is so gruelling emotionally I don't know how any of us do it-the passion for life, the knowledge of the destruction of war to hearts and minds and bodies, the love for our family members keeps us energized beyond burn out.
I was handing out my postcards and a young man on the side walk refused it, "I'm in the military mam." I said, "My son lost his eye and arm in Iraq." I took his hand and shook it tight, looked into his eyes and began to cry, "You keep safe and come back whole." He said, "Thank
you mam. Thank your son for his service." I cry as I type this, such handsome young men another generation to be ground up by the horrors of war. Everyone of our soldiers IS my son and daughter. Maybe their own mothers cannot express the fear as I do, it is my role to love them into being here not there. I told everyone "I am marching for my grandchildren, I do not want one of them to think that the military is an option! It is not as long as I breathe."
Our contingent of MFSO included March, Ridgley, and myself from IL, Stacy and Renai from MO, Bob and Deb from Michigan. Deb has been to jail a number of times, some for SOA watch at Ft. Benning. She is not going this year, my first.
As we were in the park, the clouds parted and the sun came out. Not long into the march, the sky was a beautiful clear blue! and that followed us all the way into the Plaza. We were met by anti-protesters who later I learned had their bull horns taken away by the Chicago police because they did not have a permit. They were across the street and looked pretty tired as we passed by. The media interviewed a number of the vets and our main MFSO speaker Stacy from MO whose husband is in meltdown with PTSD. She said, "I do not want my family to become victims of this war." They already are as each of us is. I will try to get her speech and post it.
It was so great to see the Iraq Veterans Against the War, they too had a speaker. Everyone clapped for us as we all gathered on the stage together and when we left. I introduced Cherry to a group of students who want a speaker for their school. Hope they can get together. If you want a speaker contact your local veterans. I love being with them, I feel as if I am with my brothers and sisters. We walk on common ground and it IS sacred ground of saying "NO to war." We have arrived at this place on different paths but now we ARE on common ground. I feel emotionally at home when I am with them. At a planning meeting for the march I met a Air Force Veteran-Vietnam, visiting his brother. I saw him in the audience, I invited him to join us! I was so happy. He later told me, "Didn't know you had such power." He is from AK I said, "You need to get a medal for being a volunteer from the farthest point away!"
My camera fell and I lost my battery, darn it. So I didn't get photos of us as the MFSO had a joint dinner before we all headed back to our homes. We ate at the DePaul Student Center "My Thai" restaurant, everyone appreciated the food after 6 hours on our feet and out in the sun and now much colder weather! We had taken one of the regular 8th Day Center Peace vigilers her for her 90th birthday. Yes, protest war and you have a vocation for life!
Should have a frost here in Chicago tonight, the first one of the season, about right on schedule actually. But the day was perfect, one of the marchers and I were saying, "In DC the weather was as hot as Hades a month ago." She liked the heat I said, "I would take today." Just watched the news, they reported only 5,000 protesters; our folks said "30,000." Somewhat of a disparity I would say. I would like to know how many folks came out over the 11 sites today. the goal was 2 million.
Feedback for the march:
1. Be sure everyone is non-violent. A young man with a bullhorn was harassing the police. I felt his language was violent and for what ends.
2. The marshalls had a problem with the number of veterans/families prepared to go to the stage. The stage was huge and could have held triple our number. Don't know what the problem was-poor communication definitely.
3. Don't invite Federal representatives. It is a divider for the peace groups because they keep funding this horrendous war. MFSO would not endorse because of it. Of course, they didn't show up-Durbin and Obama.
Overall, I was pleased with the march and the day.
I would definitely do it again, sad to say that we probably will have to do it.
CCAWR were giving out planning dates for the 5th anniversary March 2008.
Blessings I need to sleep now if I can come down enough from the high of marching for peace.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
A Trigger for Grief
It was a beautiful day here in Chicago. I attended a final planning meeting at 8:30 AM for the Oct27.org peace march being held in Chicago on Saturday. I will march with the Military Families Speak Out (MFSO) contingent. We will have two speakers, a woman representing the national organization, and a Goldstar Mother (lost a child in Iraq). I felt pretty good although I did little work for this march except be the contact with the group and finding MFSO speakers.
When I came home I opened the email and found this http://www.codepink4peace.org/ This is a famous womanled peace group-nominated for the Nobel Peace prize. I met the leaders while at WR. If you check the website you will see a woman with blood on her hands confronting C. Rice. I looked at the photo and burst into tears. How I saw the blood of war as I met wounded soldier after soldier at Walter Reed and their grieving families (See Captjason.blogspot.com) I am sure Condalezza Rice does not ever think about or feel the pain caused by war. My soul was shaken by this powerful image.
I ate lunch and knew I had to be outdoors to "let nature heal me." I drove to Lakeshore and headed to the Montrose Bird Sanctuary, a favorite spot of mine. Lake Michigan was gray and white caps crashed into the shore. I walked near the lake for a half hour and my soul was restored. The waves, the pounding of war, against the image of ourselves. The USA has 2 bullets per person 600 million bullets. We are the most violent nation in history. Our weapons the focus of our technological development. We are death bringers selling weapons to both sides in many instances. This war has cost over $600 billion. I weep for my grandchildren. What kind of a world are we leaving for future generations? Who will stop this madness of violence.
I sent out an email to the family asking if they wanted old photos/slides. I have 5 boxes to sort and hope to get to them in December. I have speaking engagements in November and a week with my family in Detroit in November. Looking forward to time away. Then a quiet December as I won't be able to join my grandkids in Tampa as Dow will be with them.
When I came home I opened the email and found this http://www.codepink4peace.org/ This is a famous womanled peace group-nominated for the Nobel Peace prize. I met the leaders while at WR. If you check the website you will see a woman with blood on her hands confronting C. Rice. I looked at the photo and burst into tears. How I saw the blood of war as I met wounded soldier after soldier at Walter Reed and their grieving families (See Captjason.blogspot.com) I am sure Condalezza Rice does not ever think about or feel the pain caused by war. My soul was shaken by this powerful image.
I ate lunch and knew I had to be outdoors to "let nature heal me." I drove to Lakeshore and headed to the Montrose Bird Sanctuary, a favorite spot of mine. Lake Michigan was gray and white caps crashed into the shore. I walked near the lake for a half hour and my soul was restored. The waves, the pounding of war, against the image of ourselves. The USA has 2 bullets per person 600 million bullets. We are the most violent nation in history. Our weapons the focus of our technological development. We are death bringers selling weapons to both sides in many instances. This war has cost over $600 billion. I weep for my grandchildren. What kind of a world are we leaving for future generations? Who will stop this madness of violence.
I sent out an email to the family asking if they wanted old photos/slides. I have 5 boxes to sort and hope to get to them in December. I have speaking engagements in November and a week with my family in Detroit in November. Looking forward to time away. Then a quiet December as I won't be able to join my grandkids in Tampa as Dow will be with them.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Flashback
Grief is funny, triggers are unexpected and sometimes striking.
I had not been on Loyola University's Chicago campus since I moved from Loyola Ave. I used to walk the track located in the heart of the campus regularly. Tonight I wanted to attend a lecture by an author Tom Melville who has published a book "Through a Glass Darkly: The United States Holocaust in Guatemala." "The book is in paperback.) As a Maryknoller he was part of the original Catonsville 9-burned draft cards during the anti Vietnam War protests of the 60's. He was banished from Guatemala in the 50's and still cannot return. The presentation showed how clearly the CIA since the 50's has overthrown elected leaders for USA economic gain.
It was a wonderful night, a perfect fall evening as I headed out to make the 7 o'clock presentation. I came onto campus, looked straight ahead and saw the well lit track with grass in the middle and students all around. My heart stopped, I was back at Walter Reed and I began to tear up. I used to walk the track out behind Mologne House on post. Some of the best times for me as I tried to ease the stress of Walter Reed was to walk outside on the track at night in the spring of 2006. The trees were blooming and it brought peace to my anguished soul.
Tonight I felt the terror of arriving at Walter Reed for the first time after dark. Being driven to the apartment then on to Jason's room and what awaited me there. Two years later and it sears my soul. I told Tom just a minute of the story and he autographed his book, "For Katy: for a peace mother with a heart of gold and steel."
I had not been on Loyola University's Chicago campus since I moved from Loyola Ave. I used to walk the track located in the heart of the campus regularly. Tonight I wanted to attend a lecture by an author Tom Melville who has published a book "Through a Glass Darkly: The United States Holocaust in Guatemala." "The book is in paperback.) As a Maryknoller he was part of the original Catonsville 9-burned draft cards during the anti Vietnam War protests of the 60's. He was banished from Guatemala in the 50's and still cannot return. The presentation showed how clearly the CIA since the 50's has overthrown elected leaders for USA economic gain.
It was a wonderful night, a perfect fall evening as I headed out to make the 7 o'clock presentation. I came onto campus, looked straight ahead and saw the well lit track with grass in the middle and students all around. My heart stopped, I was back at Walter Reed and I began to tear up. I used to walk the track out behind Mologne House on post. Some of the best times for me as I tried to ease the stress of Walter Reed was to walk outside on the track at night in the spring of 2006. The trees were blooming and it brought peace to my anguished soul.
Tonight I felt the terror of arriving at Walter Reed for the first time after dark. Being driven to the apartment then on to Jason's room and what awaited me there. Two years later and it sears my soul. I told Tom just a minute of the story and he autographed his book, "For Katy: for a peace mother with a heart of gold and steel."
Monday, October 22, 2007
I Hit a Kitty Today :-(
I was coming back from the hospital where I had visited a patient and her family. Her mother has buried two sons already and her husband and this pending loss is breaking her heart. I pulled out of the hospital and headed down Ridge toward Chicago.
A small cat looked as if it was going to cross the road, it did. I didn't think quick enough to hit my horn, I never use it. I felt the wheels hit the kitty and felt sick to my stomach. Immediately a memory of when I ran over a chipmunk in the '60's flashed back. I was leaving the road to the house where I lived with my first husband. I remember "the crunch" under the tires. Today I could not stop, there is no place to pull to the side of Ridge.
I felt the tenuousness of life. How quickly I might die, an accident. I am glad that I am divorcing Dow. I do not know what my life will be for the reminder of my years. I am trying to be ruthlessly honest. No matter what happens. I believe I am doing the right thing emotionally and spiritually for myself. Just for myself, not living out Dow's needs or Jason's needs or anyone else's needs.
I cleaned up the kitchen and the dining room-still some to go. I will take Thursday off this week.
Tomorrow we have the changed day for IDT and this bothers me so much. I cannot go to the Peace Vigil as I have since 9/18/01. We knew we were going to war.
A small cat looked as if it was going to cross the road, it did. I didn't think quick enough to hit my horn, I never use it. I felt the wheels hit the kitty and felt sick to my stomach. Immediately a memory of when I ran over a chipmunk in the '60's flashed back. I was leaving the road to the house where I lived with my first husband. I remember "the crunch" under the tires. Today I could not stop, there is no place to pull to the side of Ridge.
I felt the tenuousness of life. How quickly I might die, an accident. I am glad that I am divorcing Dow. I do not know what my life will be for the reminder of my years. I am trying to be ruthlessly honest. No matter what happens. I believe I am doing the right thing emotionally and spiritually for myself. Just for myself, not living out Dow's needs or Jason's needs or anyone else's needs.
I cleaned up the kitchen and the dining room-still some to go. I will take Thursday off this week.
Tomorrow we have the changed day for IDT and this bothers me so much. I cannot go to the Peace Vigil as I have since 9/18/01. We knew we were going to war.
Couldn't Sleep Last Night
Lisa called me early Sunday morning and said Dow was visiting this weekend. I thought "My chance to go through the condo storage." I was so relieved as I must now work on Tuesday and didn't know when Dow would not be home. I really don't like to be at the condo when Dow is. Sorta creepy feeling as when I walk in, my feeling is that I am in a stranger's home. I have no connection to the place at all after living there about 11 years. I know the apartment well but no emotional connection either happy or painful. It is empty rooms. I think a good measure that the relationship between Dow and I is emotionally and spiritually over for me.
I spent about 4 hours going through and bringing over boxes of photos and slides. I am going to go through them and then give back to Dow or to Lisa or Jason or pitch them. All gone on the winds of time. I will try to send family photos to my family members-sisters, brothers, and nieces and nephews who might want the memories for their family albums. It will keep me busy the month of December as I would like to give them as Christmas presents along with Christmas ornaments from my 50 year collection for each of the family members. Something to remember me by.
I then had dinner at the Catholic Worker and listened to a presentation on Immigration issues, another priority in which our country has strayed from its roots. I don't know it that did it or cleaning out the condo or... but I could not sleep. Part of me says "I left the Christmas ornaments to last because part(the RC self who believes in the vow of marriage) of me wanted the marriage to work. Christmas is the family gathering time and I had hoped that these two years of introspection for Dow might lead to his maturation into a man emotionally and spiritually." My taking them out of the condo really is the symbolic action of "We shall gather never again as family. The marriage is over" as I have agreed to the settlement conditions and it is now with my lawyer to write and submit to the judge. The divorce should be final 11/8/07.
So I sit at the computer and "Begin the first day of the rest of my life." A little worried about cash as I have no reserve to purchase health care, pay auto insurance, etc. But not too worried as I know it will come together.
Keep me in your prayers as I try to respond to the dream of Godde for my growth.
I spent about 4 hours going through and bringing over boxes of photos and slides. I am going to go through them and then give back to Dow or to Lisa or Jason or pitch them. All gone on the winds of time. I will try to send family photos to my family members-sisters, brothers, and nieces and nephews who might want the memories for their family albums. It will keep me busy the month of December as I would like to give them as Christmas presents along with Christmas ornaments from my 50 year collection for each of the family members. Something to remember me by.
I then had dinner at the Catholic Worker and listened to a presentation on Immigration issues, another priority in which our country has strayed from its roots. I don't know it that did it or cleaning out the condo or... but I could not sleep. Part of me says "I left the Christmas ornaments to last because part(the RC self who believes in the vow of marriage) of me wanted the marriage to work. Christmas is the family gathering time and I had hoped that these two years of introspection for Dow might lead to his maturation into a man emotionally and spiritually." My taking them out of the condo really is the symbolic action of "We shall gather never again as family. The marriage is over" as I have agreed to the settlement conditions and it is now with my lawyer to write and submit to the judge. The divorce should be final 11/8/07.
So I sit at the computer and "Begin the first day of the rest of my life." A little worried about cash as I have no reserve to purchase health care, pay auto insurance, etc. But not too worried as I know it will come together.
Keep me in your prayers as I try to respond to the dream of Godde for my growth.
Saturday, October 20, 2007
A Saturday in the Sun
I was to spend the day cleaning the apartment as I need to do so I can get all my stuff out of the condo storage. Have to make room here for what's there!
I attended the local Pax Christi meeting, a 5 minute walk from my house and came back ready to clean. Did a load of laundry, washed dishes, began to clean the dining room area-covered in stacks of papers. About 2 I said, "Enough, you cannot waste the beautiful 70 degree sunshine day in the normal cloudy Midwest October!" Get outside. So I took the collapsed moving boxes to be recycled, I have found a place to recycle paper, sorted glass, and cardboard boxes. I feel righteous as I have always tried to take care of Mother Earth. We only have one mother and we are destroying her air, water and soil for future generations. It makes me scream as her beauty is nowhere else in existence in all the universes! I did the carbon footprint and will try to buy back my carbon footprint if I can this coming year-$15 a month.
So I headed to Lake Michigan. Lots of folks outside enjoying the beauty of the day. Lake Michigan has a dog beach which I saw for the first time today. The dogs all kinds and sizes were having a great time. I wanted to take a picture but I don't know how to use my cell phone camera and had forgotten to bring my 35mm. A nice young man tried to help but even he couldn't get it saying, "Mine is so easy." So ATT your cell phone can be improved! I thought the grandsons would enjoy seeing the dogs romping in the water-blue water and blue sky meeting at the horizon.
I walked into the Bird Sanctuary at Montrose Beach where some of us watch the Full Moon and an older man wearing a "It is all for the birds" tee shirt. He was propped up against his bike and looking into the roped off meadow that is being restored. The meadow is a feasting area for the migratory birds. We began to talk about birds and Chicago and the American unsustainable lifestyle. We agreed that lifestyles would have to change to save the environment. He played the devil's advocate and I would have none of it. The environment must come first! Or else how would our grandchildren survive?
I dallied to long so thought I must be on my way, I was trying to walk for a1/2 hour. Frank encouraged me to come to the Jarvis bird sanctuary on Saturdays as they are working there. That is how he got the T shirt. I said I would check into it.
Out of the green of the sanctuary onto the beach I retraced my steps. A young man was sitting on the huge rocks used to anchor the beach. he looked up and said, "I like your tee shirt." "Thanks" as I was wearing my "Grandmothers for Peace" Tee which I wear everyone most of the time. I am obsessed that my grandchildren should never choose the military. It is NOT an option. I said, "Are you a veteran?" He looked the age that he could be an Iraq veteran. Ed said, "No" but maybe you would like to read this book that he was. It is a collection of writing from the soldiers to home. I sat down and we probably talked for 1/2 hour. He is from New Orleans and wants to write a novel of a returning soldier from Iraq and his suffering and why the US does not provide for him. I gave him Jason's blog and said this may help a little for background. He wanted to know "how can we stop this war?" Ed doesn't believe that the 20 somethings see the connection between the war and what is going on at home. For example We can't fix Katrina because all money is being sucked up into the "endless war of Iraq." along with health care dollars, infrastructure, education, environment...the list is endless of the human services that are being cut to fund this insanity.
I told him about the march on Saturday but he is going to New Orleans. The weather is supposed to be cooler, we will see. We parted friends and wishing each other well. Ed had talked about how he had thought about joining the military was hesitant and now was very glad that he had not. I told him about my attempts to dissuade Jason asking, "Do you want Bush for your Commander in Chief?" But I could not. We talked about the human costs of war. One of the MFSO sons tried to commit suicide earlier this week. He was going back to Afghanistan in about a month. His mother is beside herself with worry, it goes on and on. The killing fields are here now, wherever the soldiers are.
Ed wants to write a play about the soldiers plight. I encouraged him to see "The Ground Truth" the story of the Iraq veterans and the wounds-body and mind that they carry. He is a very nice young man and, of course, I thought of Jason and how he could be such a good writer. He is studying a MBA but I never know...
It turned out to be a 2 hour walk/talk in the park this afternoon. I thought "A Blessing to be be without the pain of Dow, to be able to walk in the sunshine and start a conversation with others." To be able to be "on my own" it is so freeing, so peaceful. I came back and called my Aunt Theresa who turned 80 this week. She is a delight and my godmother so we talked about an hour while I prepared my dinner of salmon and baked sweet potato.
Aunt Theresa's joke from the Reader's digest, she reads them while at the MD's:
A priest, minister and rabbi are gambling.
The joint gets raided, the cop asks the priest "Are you gambling?"
he replies, "No sir" thinking "I will have to go to confession when I get back.
The cop asks the minister the same question. The minister replies, "No, sir," thinking "I will be on my knees for hours for this tale."
The cop finally asks the rabbi, "Have you been gambling?" The rabbi throws up his hands looks at the priest and minister and replies, "How could I?"
I hadn't worked on the blog for a while so I thought I would head for the computer. I don't have any plans for Christmas as I can't afford a trip to Florida. I waited too long, lesson learned for next year. I am putting $100 a month away for a trip next summer if it works out. I need a vacation after these last two years. My thyroid is acting up-overactive, the MD put me on meds and I am getting nauseated so maybe she will change them next week. Have a great fall as we all prepare for Halloween. I think I may get more kids in this neighborhood.
I attended the local Pax Christi meeting, a 5 minute walk from my house and came back ready to clean. Did a load of laundry, washed dishes, began to clean the dining room area-covered in stacks of papers. About 2 I said, "Enough, you cannot waste the beautiful 70 degree sunshine day in the normal cloudy Midwest October!" Get outside. So I took the collapsed moving boxes to be recycled, I have found a place to recycle paper, sorted glass, and cardboard boxes. I feel righteous as I have always tried to take care of Mother Earth. We only have one mother and we are destroying her air, water and soil for future generations. It makes me scream as her beauty is nowhere else in existence in all the universes! I did the carbon footprint and will try to buy back my carbon footprint if I can this coming year-$15 a month.
So I headed to Lake Michigan. Lots of folks outside enjoying the beauty of the day. Lake Michigan has a dog beach which I saw for the first time today. The dogs all kinds and sizes were having a great time. I wanted to take a picture but I don't know how to use my cell phone camera and had forgotten to bring my 35mm. A nice young man tried to help but even he couldn't get it saying, "Mine is so easy." So ATT your cell phone can be improved! I thought the grandsons would enjoy seeing the dogs romping in the water-blue water and blue sky meeting at the horizon.
I walked into the Bird Sanctuary at Montrose Beach where some of us watch the Full Moon and an older man wearing a "It is all for the birds" tee shirt. He was propped up against his bike and looking into the roped off meadow that is being restored. The meadow is a feasting area for the migratory birds. We began to talk about birds and Chicago and the American unsustainable lifestyle. We agreed that lifestyles would have to change to save the environment. He played the devil's advocate and I would have none of it. The environment must come first! Or else how would our grandchildren survive?
I dallied to long so thought I must be on my way, I was trying to walk for a1/2 hour. Frank encouraged me to come to the Jarvis bird sanctuary on Saturdays as they are working there. That is how he got the T shirt. I said I would check into it.
Out of the green of the sanctuary onto the beach I retraced my steps. A young man was sitting on the huge rocks used to anchor the beach. he looked up and said, "I like your tee shirt." "Thanks" as I was wearing my "Grandmothers for Peace" Tee which I wear everyone most of the time. I am obsessed that my grandchildren should never choose the military. It is NOT an option. I said, "Are you a veteran?" He looked the age that he could be an Iraq veteran. Ed said, "No" but maybe you would like to read this book that he was. It is a collection of writing from the soldiers to home. I sat down and we probably talked for 1/2 hour. He is from New Orleans and wants to write a novel of a returning soldier from Iraq and his suffering and why the US does not provide for him. I gave him Jason's blog and said this may help a little for background. He wanted to know "how can we stop this war?" Ed doesn't believe that the 20 somethings see the connection between the war and what is going on at home. For example We can't fix Katrina because all money is being sucked up into the "endless war of Iraq." along with health care dollars, infrastructure, education, environment...the list is endless of the human services that are being cut to fund this insanity.
I told him about the march on Saturday but he is going to New Orleans. The weather is supposed to be cooler, we will see. We parted friends and wishing each other well. Ed had talked about how he had thought about joining the military was hesitant and now was very glad that he had not. I told him about my attempts to dissuade Jason asking, "Do you want Bush for your Commander in Chief?" But I could not. We talked about the human costs of war. One of the MFSO sons tried to commit suicide earlier this week. He was going back to Afghanistan in about a month. His mother is beside herself with worry, it goes on and on. The killing fields are here now, wherever the soldiers are.
Ed wants to write a play about the soldiers plight. I encouraged him to see "The Ground Truth" the story of the Iraq veterans and the wounds-body and mind that they carry. He is a very nice young man and, of course, I thought of Jason and how he could be such a good writer. He is studying a MBA but I never know...
It turned out to be a 2 hour walk/talk in the park this afternoon. I thought "A Blessing to be be without the pain of Dow, to be able to walk in the sunshine and start a conversation with others." To be able to be "on my own" it is so freeing, so peaceful. I came back and called my Aunt Theresa who turned 80 this week. She is a delight and my godmother so we talked about an hour while I prepared my dinner of salmon and baked sweet potato.
Aunt Theresa's joke from the Reader's digest, she reads them while at the MD's:
A priest, minister and rabbi are gambling.
The joint gets raided, the cop asks the priest "Are you gambling?"
he replies, "No sir" thinking "I will have to go to confession when I get back.
The cop asks the minister the same question. The minister replies, "No, sir," thinking "I will be on my knees for hours for this tale."
The cop finally asks the rabbi, "Have you been gambling?" The rabbi throws up his hands looks at the priest and minister and replies, "How could I?"
I hadn't worked on the blog for a while so I thought I would head for the computer. I don't have any plans for Christmas as I can't afford a trip to Florida. I waited too long, lesson learned for next year. I am putting $100 a month away for a trip next summer if it works out. I need a vacation after these last two years. My thyroid is acting up-overactive, the MD put me on meds and I am getting nauseated so maybe she will change them next week. Have a great fall as we all prepare for Halloween. I think I may get more kids in this neighborhood.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
My Resume for Speaking for Peace-Disseminate Widely
Katy (Scott) Zatsick
katyzatsick@sbcglobal.net
Katy Zatsick Scott is a peace activist from
www.captjason.blogspot.com. Katy with Jason were interviewed while at Walter Reed for a documentary on military health care “Fighting for Life” to be released October 2007.
Katy marched against the Vietnam War and knew early on that “War is not healthy for children or any living thing.” She has attended the Chicago Tuesday Peace Vigils sponsored by 8th
As a hospice chaplain for five years, Katy knows the finality of death and the preciousness of life. She speaks of the suffering of war to families-emotional, spiritual, physical, and social losses. Katy is especially focused on support of families and soldiers and their healing from the wounds of war. Katy is interested in the health effects of depleted uranium on soldiers and civilians who are exposed to it and also its effects on the earth itself. Katy argues that humanity must evolve beyond war.
Education
Katy is eager to speak for peace and the end to war and occupation. She is willing to travel, do not hesitate to contact her.
Today is the 2nd Anniversary of Jason's Wounding
Today was a different sort of day.
2 years ago my only son Jason was wounded in Iraq, loosing his right arm and eye. He spent a year at Walter Reed and I spent 8 months with him there, aiding in his care. You can read about our stay at WR at CaptJason.blogspot.com. I recommend that you read October 2005 first and then you can read a couple of entries a month moving forward in the journey toward healing.
I am a Roman Catholic and preside once a month in a small circle of reform minded Catholics. Our community is small and we sit in a circle and have a dialog homily. We all say the words of consecration. I am copying into the blog my introduction and reflection on the reading. I had sent out an email to all about it being a mass of thanksgiving for Jason's life so about 20 folks attended.
These are some of the prayers and reflections from today's liturgy of thanksgiving
Reading
After the service I asked a friend to go with me to the Polish-American Museum located on Milwaukee Ave here in Chicago. I want to continue to celebrate my Polish heritage as this was one area that Dow continued to put down. Jason will not acknowledge his Polish 50%. Dow's "teasing" as he called it was so hurtful to me and one of the reasons I became silent in my marriage. Teasing can be life destroying and so Dow's was.
The musuem has a contest for students around a theme. They gave 4 awards in each catergory-under 2nd grade, to six grade, six to eigth grade, high school. Very creative art. Two boys played piano pieces, a girl played the cello, two sets of girls recited poems in Polish. Two different dance groups of children performed. Then we were served a wonderful "lunch" really a luscious dinner of pierogi-cheese filled, cucumbers in sour cream, apple blintzes, veal cutlets, meatballs in cream gravy, grated cooked beets. The only thing they didn't have was water on table. The head of the membership department came over and introduced herself. Charlotte, my friend won first prize-a beautiful wood cut, with Polish words "Guest house-God's house." I thought Charlotte might give it to me but she didn't.
After I left Charlotte off about 4:30 I began to think about my estrangement from Jason and became very anxious. I decided to walk by Lake Michigan. I parked by the bird sanctuary being developed by the city at Montrose Harbor. It was a beautiful evening. On the path I met two of the persons who had attended my liturgy this morning! A young couple from the Catholic Worker House in Rock Island who are living and teaching their two young children the truth of simple living and peace making. I was happy to see them and we stood in a mini-prairie and watched the gold finches swoop down for the seeds. We chatted for a few minutes and I hiked on. Looking back I saw the most beautiful golden sunset through the city's western skyscrapers. I was in awe of the beauty of creation. Being by the Lake calmed my soul.
Tomorrow I meet with the lawyer to hammer out a settlement proposal within the guidelines set by the judge. It is in Dow's favor, I am sure he will agree. I won't give a date for the divorce as it is now a full year since we began the process. I can't believe it. I keep going back to Liz McAllister's admonition to me, "Do not count the cost." I must live my values, it is enough for me.
Blessing for each of you who read this journal. I hope to be able to write more often as I move forward with my life.
2 years ago my only son Jason was wounded in Iraq, loosing his right arm and eye. He spent a year at Walter Reed and I spent 8 months with him there, aiding in his care. You can read about our stay at WR at CaptJason.blogspot.com. I recommend that you read October 2005 first and then you can read a couple of entries a month moving forward in the journey toward healing.
I am a Roman Catholic and preside once a month in a small circle of reform minded Catholics. Our community is small and we sit in a circle and have a dialog homily. We all say the words of consecration. I am copying into the blog my introduction and reflection on the reading.
These are some of the prayers and reflections from today's liturgy of thanksgiving
Introduction:
Today is the 2nd anniversary of the very serious wounding of my only son in the war in
Today we celebrate Eucharist together. The very word Eucharist means “Thanksgiving” and so I ask you to join me in giving thanks to Godde that Jason’s life was spared when so many soldiers and civilians have died in this war. I give thanks for your support as my faith community since the beginning when Jason joined the army, during his time in
I did not know the readings for today when I asked Jay to switch with me because of the date. I think our readings are a synchronicity for me; a coming together with the intention of giving thanks. Our first and third readings focus on healing. Truly Jason’s life was saved by Godde through the miracle of modern medicine in the time of war.
The readings also focus our attention on who is healed and how they respond to the healing power present in their lives.
You my Eternal Friend, witness now that I forgive anyone
Who has hurt, upset me, or who offended me.
Help me Eternal Friend, to keep from hurting others.
Whatever sins I have committed, blot out in your abundant kindness.
Help me to become aware of the ways I may have unintentionally or unintentionally hurt others.
Give me the guidance and strength to not continue acting in a hurtful manner.
Let me forgive others, let me forgive myself, but also let me change in ways
That make it easy for me to avoid paths of hurtfulness to others.
Amen
Opening Prayer
I seek peace, let me be peace.
I seek justice, let me be just.
I seek healing; let me be a healing presence.
I seek a world of kindness, let me be kind.
I seek a world of generosity; let me be generous with all I have.
I seek a world of sharing; let me share all that I have.
I seek a world of giving; let me be giving to all around me.
I seek a world of love—let me love beyond all reason,
Beyond all normal expectation, and
Beyond all societal frameworks.
Amen
(The above two prayers are adapted from “Bedtime prayer of forgiveness”
By Rabbi Michael Lerner, email of 9/12/07)
First
Gospel: Luke 17:11-19
Blessed are you, Godde of all creation, through your goodness we have this bread to offer, which earth has given and human hands have made. This bread is our Christian community your daughters and sons, called to be healers, to be reconcilers especially for those who are oppressed and marginalized. This bread will become for us the bread of life. All: Blessed be Godde forever.
Offering of Our Juice
Blessed are you, Godde of all creation. Through your goodness we have this juice to offer, fruit of the vine and work of human hands. This juice is our prayers, our cries for healing and our celebration of life. This juice will become for us our spiritual drink. All: Blessed be Godde forever.
Pray sisters and brothers; that our faith community will witness to the presence of Jesus in our lives. May our work for justice and peace; our giving the bread of the our deepest self to others; our spiritual life be acceptable to You, almighty Godde.
All: May Godde accept this offering of our hands
For the praise and glory of Godde’s name,
For the good of all the People of Godde,
And our lives for Your peace and healing in the world.
Dearest Creator we are the Body of Christ. We strive to be persons of healing, compassion and celebration. We are happy to be called to live as signs of your hope. We are happy to share the bread of our lives. We are the body of Christ, the bread and drink of healing for the world.
Mysterious Godde,
With awe and humility
We observe the colossal dynamics
Of the reality evolving around us:
The indescribable and sacred events of the past
And the numinous unfolding of the future
Of which we are forever a part.
We are privileged and blessed to exist,
Blessed to possess knowledge of where we come from,
Blessed to have solid hopes
For a future of meaning
And the community of those we love.
See in our hearts our gratitude
For all your mysterious gifts of energy and healing.
Amen
(adapted from “Prayers to an Evolutionary God” by Bill Cleary)
Final Blessing
May we listen to your Word present in all
Our feelings and actions for love and healing.
May we go in peace
To love and serve Godde and our neighbor.
All: Thanks be to Godde.
All
In the name of our Creator,
Jesus our Sustainer,
And Sophia Healer of Life.
Amen
As I checked my resources for this reflection, I found the titles for these readings to be:
1. Gratitude and faith or
2. Thanksgiving or
3. The gratitude of non-believers
I know all these titles are very appropriate for this liturgy. For my story since Jason’s wounding has been one healing and of gratitude and thanksgiving. Each breath that Jason now takes is a miracle and a blessing for me.
Running through our three readings is a sense of God’s goodness and graciousness. Naaman the non-believer immediately recognizes that it is not Elisha who has cured him but God. And from now on he will worship no other God.
Just as Jason was healed through the medical practices and procedures of the professionals at Walter Reed; we know that Jason was healed and continues to heal through the work of God.
In Paul’s letter, in raising Jesus from the dead, God reconciled the world to Godself and offered each and every one of us the possibility of new life.
So too was Jason saved by the medical technology and knowledge of this time. Had Jason lost his arm at roadside in
Jason is graced with a new life, different than before but with possibilities before him as Jason works toward a MBA at Un of Fl,
With Jason’s wounding, I too was graced with new life, a new understanding of peace making in my spiritual and emotional life and relationships.
For all of my marriage I acted from the teaching that I should be obedient to my husband in the raising of Jason. Dow knew best how to raise his son.
That to be a peacemaker in our relationship Dow and I should not argue, and it was my responsibility to support Dow in his world view.
I supported Dow and my voice became silent in the raising of our son.
After Jason’s wounding, I no longer could be silent, my values must be expressed and lived. Subsequently, Dow and I separated.
I am alone now living without anxiety, depression or emotional fear for the first time in 31 years. My inner life is reflected in my outer life of actions and words and way of living in the world.
I am healing into the resurrection of who Godde calls me to be.
From the gospel we hear that what God asks of us more than anything else is a grateful recognition of God’s goodness to us.
Awareness of the reality of God and our total dependence on God for everything, including our very being, should move us to praise and thanks.
Our Eucharist together in community reminds us that the fundamental attitude of a person of faith is one of grateful acceptance.
The miracles of Jesus in the Gospels are not arbitrary acts of mercy or power; they are the intrinsic signs of the presence of God and reign in the world.
A loving God in a sinful, suffering, and alienated world cannot be other than healing, liberating, saving, on all levels of reality.
God’s will for our world is: God’s peace (shalom) the state of harmony for which God created the world. Thus God’s rule inevitably implies rightness in the world. The healing reaches outward to even the physical level, the in breaking of the reign of God.
We gather in thanksgiving for the ministry and life of Jesus.
We gather to give thanks for the healing of Jason and myself.
The healing of all of our spirits creates a communion
which has already begun to change the world;
The healing of our spirits brings us
to reach out to human suffering wherever it occurs.
The healing of our spirits makes us capable of dedicating ourselves
to the furthering of healing and forgiveness
Which we acknowledge as the Reign of God on earth.
The end of the Liturgy of Thanksgiving for Jason's life and prayers for his continued healing.After the service I asked a friend to go with me to the Polish-American Museum located on Milwaukee Ave here in Chicago. I want to continue to celebrate my Polish heritage as this was one area that Dow continued to put down. Jason will not acknowledge his Polish 50%. Dow's "teasing" as he called it was so hurtful to me and one of the reasons I became silent in my marriage. Teasing can be life destroying and so Dow's was.
The musuem has a contest for students around a theme. They gave 4 awards in each catergory-under 2nd grade, to six grade, six to eigth grade, high school. Very creative art. Two boys played piano pieces, a girl played the cello, two sets of girls recited poems in Polish. Two different dance groups of children performed. Then we were served a wonderful "lunch" really a luscious dinner of pierogi-cheese filled, cucumbers in sour cream, apple blintzes, veal cutlets, meatballs in cream gravy, grated cooked beets. The only thing they didn't have was water on table. The head of the membership department came over and introduced herself. Charlotte, my friend won first prize-a beautiful wood cut, with Polish words "Guest house-God's house." I thought Charlotte might give it to me but she didn't.
After I left Charlotte off about 4:30 I began to think about my estrangement from Jason and became very anxious. I decided to walk by Lake Michigan. I parked by the bird sanctuary being developed by the city at Montrose Harbor. It was a beautiful evening. On the path I met two of the persons who had attended my liturgy this morning! A young couple from the Catholic Worker House in Rock Island who are living and teaching their two young children the truth of simple living and peace making. I was happy to see them and we stood in a mini-prairie and watched the gold finches swoop down for the seeds. We chatted for a few minutes and I hiked on. Looking back I saw the most beautiful golden sunset through the city's western skyscrapers. I was in awe of the beauty of creation. Being by the Lake calmed my soul.
Tomorrow I meet with the lawyer to hammer out a settlement proposal within the guidelines set by the judge. It is in Dow's favor, I am sure he will agree. I won't give a date for the divorce as it is now a full year since we began the process. I can't believe it. I keep going back to Liz McAllister's admonition to me, "Do not count the cost." I must live my values, it is enough for me.
Blessing for each of you who read this journal. I hope to be able to write more often as I move forward with my life.
Saturday, October 6, 2007
Moving Slowly Toward Settlement
Dow and I have been in negotiations via email.
Dow has talked to a financial planner and can afford to buy out my half of the condo.
Dow is attempting to control the maintenance payments after we divorce. I think and feel "What I decide to do with my life/living arrangements (except for marriage to another) after the divorce" is definitely out of his control or influence. Dow has dominated me using finances as the means of control for our total relationship. I see this as a continuation of that control after we have no legal relationship. We had to sacrifice everything "to save for retirement" Because I did not have a career position with income at Dow's request he quickly controlled all decisions. I won't even talk about Dow's "knowing best how to raise Jason."
I am financially dependent on Dow but he will not control how and where I live my life, 30 years under Dow's control is enough of a spiritual and emotional disaster for myself and I argue for our children. I do not plan to sacrifice my life any longer. I may receive a terminal illness diagnosis tomorrow I want to live my life working for peace. I do not want my grandchildren to ever think that the military is an option for their lives. Jason and Dow believed it was for Jason.
Dow can live with another or get remarried and in this way increase his household income. Dow was dating me prior to the divorce of his first wife. I cannot go back and ask for more income. What I receive at the time of the divorce is the end of any further obligation for Dow and I agree. I do believe very strongly that I am entitled to a portion of his income stream as I and Jason sacrificed in order for Dow create it. I got lost in Dow's need to gather income and wealth.
Dow has talked to a financial planner and can afford to buy out my half of the condo.
Dow is attempting to control the maintenance payments after we divorce. I think and feel "What I decide to do with my life/living arrangements (except for marriage to another) after the divorce" is definitely out of his control or influence. Dow has dominated me using finances as the means of control for our total relationship. I see this as a continuation of that control after we have no legal relationship. We had to sacrifice everything "to save for retirement" Because I did not have a career position with income at Dow's request he quickly controlled all decisions. I won't even talk about Dow's "knowing best how to raise Jason."
I am financially dependent on Dow but he will not control how and where I live my life, 30 years under Dow's control is enough of a spiritual and emotional disaster for myself and I argue for our children. I do not plan to sacrifice my life any longer. I may receive a terminal illness diagnosis tomorrow I want to live my life working for peace. I do not want my grandchildren to ever think that the military is an option for their lives. Jason and Dow believed it was for Jason.
Dow can live with another or get remarried and in this way increase his household income. Dow was dating me prior to the divorce of his first wife. I cannot go back and ask for more income. What I receive at the time of the divorce is the end of any further obligation for Dow and I agree. I do believe very strongly that I am entitled to a portion of his income stream as I and Jason sacrificed in order for Dow create it. I got lost in Dow's need to gather income and wealth.
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