"What a day this has been..."
Up at 6:30 AM for a breakfast of Kashi, Starbucks Frappucino and vitamins. Off to the train where I saw a young woman with an Obama button. When I see one I say, "Thank you for wearing it." And usually a passionate conversation follows. Today was no different. The woman's parents were long time Republican voters. Became supporters of Hillary, when she didn't get it and McCain chose Palin they both returned to the Republican fold without a "looksee at her policies." I thought "How crazy can this get?" "Sarah in no way is a Hillary" to paraphrase.
Anyway, we both got off at Monroe and I headed to the Corner Bakery as I got downtown way to early for the 9 AM meeting with Judge Boyd. I sat at a table and made out a list of all the places I needed to change my name. (Just thought of another one, Amtrak Rewards) I headed to the 1600 floor and Dow was sitting on a bench without his lawyer.
Sad to say, I was loud and blunt, "Dow please sign the auto title and another form" to transfer ownership to me. I asked him about the photos-only thing left in the condo storage unit. He said he didn't know and didn't plan on going down there for at least a month. I gave Dow the condo keys and the storage keys as I had signed over the quit claim deed to the condo. I didn't feel right keeping the keys and honestly didn't want them anymore. I want to "be free of it/ and all that connects me to Dow Scott." I told him the settlement gives me 30 days to get everything out of the condo, Dow said, "Katy, I won't do anything." I replied, "All I have is your behavior" referring to Dow stopping payment on the maintenance check as an indicator of his behavior.
I went into the courtroom, Dow's lawyer showed up with Rebecca the colleague with the cell phone from 8/14. I told her that my lawyer called and said he would be late and we should get a courtroom and go to it. At that point, Scott came in. He got a check for $4125 which is the amount from the furniture and $1000 toward my Visa which Dow said he would pay. (This syncronistically is the same amount I owe my lawyer. I wondered if Scott knew this but I don't think so.)
At this point we all moved to the 19th floor-Dow and his two lawyers, me and Scott. The room was cool and I was glad I had a jacket and my rain coat to keep me warm. Dow was reading a news magazine with a suit jacket and open dress shirt. The new judge was Elizabeth Loredo-Riveria, Hispanic. The lawyers all signed in to present their cases. Dow sat down next to a woman soldier in fatigues. My eyes teared, "Jason" my heart said. Three active duty soldiers would be divorced this session.
My lawyer came over to me with "Child Support Forms" said, "You have to complete as best you can." Why, who knows I filled out the names of my children and as much info as I knew about Dow. BTW, the forms use an actual sheet of carbon paper. I thought, "Whoa, this place is far behind the times or this is the most efficient way to do it." Sometimes the old ways work!
The clerk who ordered the cases was a middle age woman an exact opposite of the court reporter in her twenties and a knock out. Long black hair, a silk blouse thing with a bow. She wore a bright smile and when I came before the bench a skirt that showed her well above the knees. I thought, "The judge certainly knows how to give the men something to focus their minds on."
Another surprise was the ordering of the cases. Both of our lawyers were bright young white- man and woman. The court staff were of color. Both of the white lawyers were miffed. The judge heard cases from Hispanics, the soldiers, Cambodian-with translator, Asian, women alone, a man alone and still the white lawyers waited. Scott made a grimace at Dow's lawyer "Like I don't know what the Judge is doing." Ah that "old white privilege" didn't work in this courtroom! I loved it. About 10:30 Dow and his lawyer left the courtroom not returning. Everything had been signed and agreed to. I didn't think Dow would stay as he has never taking responsibility for anything in our relationship. The divorce was a mutual decision, but I am sure he left to show his "disapproval" or he didn't want to officially be there to recognize the end of our legal relationship. Dow no longer controls me. Rebeca, the step-down lawyer stood in at the bench for Dow.
At 10:50 I was done answering "YES" in a loud voice to Scott's review of the provisions of the settlement so the cute court reporter could type it all up. The judge declared I had met the requirements of the law and the divorce was granted me.
Scott gave me the check I signed it over to him to pay his bill. (This would hit a snag, when he took it to deposit it, Scott was told he could not without my being there. I now have to write a new check and drop by his office on Wed morning and pick up Dow's check and deposit it. Sigh, nothing about this divorce is easy.)
He also gave me the copy of the order that divides the retirement money's in half. However as I read it after Scott had left, I saw that Dow's lawyer once again had sloppy technique and listed Christine Scott as the "alternate payee" No, I am definitely not Christine. Yipes, I called Scott and left a message on his phone. Then thought, "Wait a minute this belongs to Dow and we are divorced." I had no problem in calling his number and leaving a message. Dow said he caught the error the last time they met but obviously the lawyer failed to change it. Don't know how long it will take to correct this as Scott called me back and said, "She tried to correct it but the judge had gone to lunch." I doubt it not the way she has played this game. That woman is a consummate "lie directly in your face." She is definitely why lawyers have such a bad name.
I am going to complain about her conduct during this case, especially the 14 of August.
I headed home in the rain, it rained steadily all day. I thought, "Rain of tears or Rain to quench the fire of the experience of marriage and divorce." While I sat in Corner Bakery, Johnny Cash sang, "Ring of Fire" and I thought of the image of fire I experienced when I left Walter Reed. The rain is to quench the fire of my crucible experience. I needed to grow and it was only through the fire of life's experience that I have.
On the VM was a message from my daughter to whom I have not spoken since before I headed to St Paul and the RNC protests. My eyes teared as I had not expected her to call. She said, "How was it?" when I told her I had just gotten back from divorce court. I do believe she didn't call before cause she didn't want to face the fact that it is a reality, our marriage is over. I told her, "It was hard" and my voice choked.
People have asked "Why did it take so long?"
My answer has been "1. The universe wanted to give Dow time to grow emotionally and spiritually, he obviously chose not too or cannot grow. or 2. The negative energy of our toxic relationship continued to play itself out until there was no other option-his stopping the support check."
BTW I had asked my lawyer "How can I be protected from Dow Stopping Payment randomly just to harass me as he obviously did this time?" After the divorce was granted, I asked Scott again as he had not given me an answer. Scott said, "I have put in a court order. The money will be automatically deducted from Dow's paycheck and sent to the state which sends to you. This does mean it will take a couple of days longer to get your money. But you will get it." Scott also warned, "I have asked Dow to pay you directly for September as the order won't be able to take effect that quickly." So I thought "Dow gets a second chance to screw with me." Yech, somethings don't change-quickly enough. So I thought I had better be cautious with my money until the state gets its ducks in a row.
Also, Dow's lawyer informed Scott that Dow has NOT gotten an equity loan. My mouth fell open. Before Dow left for Australia-2nd week in July he demanded I give him a quit claim on the condo so he could apply for an equity loan! That was two whole months ago! So I did not get 1/2 of the condo money today. I thought, "What is it with Dow?" The man IS an unknown. I have no idea what his motives are. As my therapist told me, "Don't get stuck in Dow's $#@. Take action for his behavior (stop payment of check)." I know what I did all of our co-dependent nightmare of a relationship, I was stuck in his ignorance and unconsciousness. I assume at this point I will have to go back into court to get my money from the condo. I think Scott will have life-long employment as my lawyer.
After I headed out for the name changing tasks!
1. I knew I had to start with my driver's license as that is the ID of America. I had fun as the place is a maze. I walked in nothing is clearly marked and looked for someone who could help me. I went to a desk, "I am lost." "I am Bill" came the reply. He sent me to a "number man" who gave me a number-"You're 65 so you will get called quicker" Thanks, being 65 has advantages!
Then back to...Bill who was now sitting behind a desk for seniors and disabled. "Want to register?" 'Yes" "Want to donate your organs?" "Yes" Lots of Yes answers as with the judge. He gave me an eye test which was sorta funny. I could read the left/right sets of three numbers but not the center 3 so well. Oh well I passed and was sent to the cashier to pay my $10.
Then on to the photo section. First to a man who did something with paperwork, not quite sure what. Then on to the photoman who had me sign my name on a credit card signature, you know like target. Then a quick shot, "Sit down till we call you." In about 20 minutes there it was with my new/old name "Catherine M. Zatsick" I had to write it a couple of time today and did start with "SC..." than caught myself and corrected it. I don't think it will take too long as it is my name for the first 21 years of my life. It feels so good to leave Scott behind, I had come to anguish over the weight of that name for me.
With my drivers license in hand a stop at the library, oh you need a bill with your address too. She really had a hard time with the name change. Finally powwowing with another employee they decided the easiest for them would be to give me a new card. Meanwhile a line was forming behind me. But after about 20 minutes I got the new card with my new name.
I headed to the grocery to get a couple of items and realized "I hadn't had lunch" and it was about 4PM. Back home for a dinner then off to the book club.
We discussed a book called "Muldoon" This book speaks to a ghost in a RCC parish. What was neat one of the priests, now a bishop who experiened the ghost was present. Also the widow of the author once a priest and stationed at the church was present for the discussion. Really neat. Do you believe in ghosts? I do believe in the Communion of Saints. And my hospice patients experience the presence of those who have died. The author's wife has experiened his presence after his death. Two other people have had experiences with ghosts. They are all very similar. Ringing doorbells, moving clocks, toys, sounds. Just like the book relates.
It is getting late and I must get up early to work tomorrow.
So I am off to bed. All in all an eventful "first day of the rest of my life."
Blessings
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