Christmas Eve 2007

A very different Christmas Eve.
For the first time in my life I am not with family.
So...if an extrovert finds herself alone, she needs to do some reaching out.

I overslept-that is a good way to start Christmas Eve. Another MFSO mother wanted to meet me for breakfast. Thank goodness she called me. Phone didn't wake but I awoke a few minutes later.

Saw the message on the machine and then I really moved fast! Reached the Heartland cafe about 20 minutes later, making me a 1/2 hour late for breakfast. Linda's son is in Germany, his wife has cancer so he was not sent for a 2nd tour to Iraq with his unit. About 3 weeks ago he just "left his wife" and returned to barracks. No one has heard from him. His wife calls Linda each day asking "Has he called home?"

My heart breaks for each of our soldiers and their families. Pledge to do all you can do in 2008 to bring them home now and take care of them when they get home. Care for PTSD must be given to each and every soldier. The stigma of receiving mental health care must be erased. Then pledge to do all you can to end war itself. It is horrendous the wounding of soul that is continuing. A must read is "War and the Soul, Healing our Veterans from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder." I believe that humanity via this war is coming to consciousness to end war. The horror for our planet, for civilian populations and our soldiers. It is time to change the DNA and to banish war. Many organizations are being created to work for healing for our soldiers.

Realize that Jesus was born to a marginalized people in an occupied land. Family too poor for the cost of an inn, Jesus was born in a stable. We must realize in our violent actions we are continuing the suffering of Jesus from his birth. Jesus lived his whole life in Roman occupied Israel. Rome was a brutal empire of domination.

We had a good breakfast(I had grits, one egg over easy and a wonderful homemade wholewheat biscuit) and Linda had to head for home to cook for 35 gathering tonight.
I on the other hand will eat with 8 tomorrow (at the good Franciscan Sisters in an apartment located in Rogers Park.) but I too needed to begin my cooking-Gruyere Grits, Key Lime Pie, Waldorf Salad, Cherry Kisslings cookies and to top it off, Brioche bread-12 egg yolks and butter in the dough. I just had my first still warm slice, "Oh my how heavenly to the taste buds." I hope the guests will enjoy tomorrow.

My 20 year old cousin who loves all things Starbucks called me to say "Thank you" for the Starbuck's ornament I had sent her. She actually owns stock in the company, wants to be a financial planner. Ann Marie said, "I never saw any ornament from Starbucks (I was afraid she had already purchased one) I began to cry." So I thought "Good job, Katy." Ann Marie was having lunch with her Basha (Polish-grandmother) and her dad. So we only chatted for a minute and Aunt Theresa wished me well and safe travels to my retreat. It was good to touch base, a telephone visit with my godmother and her family.

I was hoping for a follow-up call from Connie, my sister who is the financial and medical guardian for our aunt. She had to meet with a hospice to put my Aunt Irene in one. Aunt Irene is still in the hospital but maybe would be released today. She is been having increasing episodes like this, possible TIA's and at 87 we as a family say, "No more." Connie is MPOA so she must make the decision.

I had also wanted to return a coffee table to the condo knowing Dow was not there. I walked in and he has begun major make over. He had the condo-2000 square feet of 100 year old oak flooring redone. I don't like the color-too light, but it is not mine to say. Dow always talked about doing the floors, but never till now took action. He wasn't much into the home when we lived there. But maybe he is planning to sell it, time will tell.

It was painful to see as Dow has given me so little for maintainance; now I know why he wanted to cash the bonds "to pay his lawyer" he said. Don't think so. But it helps me get to "know it is really over" which I know is true, the dreams say it. But there is always concrete reality on a Christmas Eve. Dow is with our family, I am by myself. Yet I know it is emotionally and spiritually right. Liz McAllister told me, "Don't count the cost" and I must say that to myself once a day. I feel right. When I was young before I married Dow I used to say, "I have decided the right thing, the answer sings." For this divorce, I do not feel the "singing" I feel a universe deep peace within my soul. I feel I have completed a task set out for me by life: to stand up to death and say "No." Now it is Christmas: Emmanuel, God with me. It is enough.

So I won't be alone this Christmas Eve I decided to reach out to another person who is alone.
One of my hospice patients is moving in a couple weeks to be near her family. I, as a friend, offered to take her to midnight mass offering either Roman or Episcopalian. Mary (I'll call her) was raised Episcopalian. So she chose the Episcopalian service. I found out that Midnight is really 10:30 in Chicago! So "we'll be home at midnight" I was told. The difference of living in the city! I will pick Mary and a friend up from the nursing home where she is staying then I will attend my first ever Episcopalian "Midnight" mass. I'll head over about 10:15 and hopefully the liturgy will include inclusive language so I won't go over the top! or the liturgy will be an "occasion of sin" as we used to say. :-) I'll be home for Christmas early.

Have electric candles burning in each window, my creche is up without the baby Jesus he comes after midnight. I am making my favorite pizza for dinner: ham, pineapple, mozzarella cheese, green pepper. I didn't buy pizza sauce so I sorta quickly made my own, hope it works! Cards line the mantel and window sills, my daffodils are just beginning to sprout in my window dish. The house is filled with boxes from wrapping and decorating. My soul is content, my spirit is at peace. After dinner I'll make another dish for tomorrow and work on "my late" Christmas cards. Ah well, last year I didn't even send any so I am improving!