Christmas Letter 2008-Sent Only to Jodi Bower, Jason's Fiance

I thought I would share my Christmas letter I sent in an email reply to Jodi. My note to family and friends sent with Holiday greetings this year announced my divorce as that was the Event of the year for me, an emotional and spiritual milestone. This is the "news" version of my life for 2008.

Hello Ms. Katy,

School has finished and if all goes well, (this means if UCF doesn't do something crazy) I should have my diploma in 6 weeks! Exciting! I have moved back to Gainesville (before I was in Orlando at my sister's house) and all is well. How was your thanksgiving with Lisa and the Kids?

It was a wonderful time in that being in the sun and seventy for 10 days is balm for my frozen Midwest body and soul. My sister Connie joined us for 4 days, so we cooked the feast and ate the feast and then ate turkey, and more turkey till I don’t want turkey any more! For at least a little while.

Connie had not played WII before so we all enjoyed it. Connie has much better eye/hand coordination than I so she beat her older sister! Sigh. We all worked together to make the banner that hung over the table. I had taken the kids on a walk and gathered different natural materials to spell “Give Thanks” each letter on a different piece of construction paper. I must say, “We did a good job” and I am proud of my grandchildren. I try to give my grandkids as many hugs as I can get away with-you need 8 hugs a day to be “human.” The more the better as I wear a button “Licensed to hug” as a chaplain and my dad was known for his hugs!

We went to see Bolt, the boys were “bored” but we ladies enjoyed girl has dog, girl looses dog, dog finds girl. My kind of story. Then Connie went off to see a soccer game in Orlando with Jonathan, they lost but gave it their all. Lisa and I spent time cleaning out the garage for the grandkids ping pong table that will soon arrive. We found the books of my childhood which Judy had been looking for for 10 years! Connie had sent them to Lisa so we sent Judy a “Hanukah and Christmas gift.”

I think one of the best parts of our visit together was I found this version of bingo called Feast for kids. We used mellow cream pumpkins for markers to cover the calls. They were pictures of Pilgrim boy, girl, pumpkin pie, turkey etc. The rule was “who won the round got to eat ONE pumpkin.” At the end of the session, “Everyone who lost got to eat one.” The kids were great and didn’t sneak too many that I saw during the week. Personally after the first session and all the mauling, I thought, ‘Gross, I am not eating any more” as we re-bagged and reused the same pumpkins. Charlie didn’t play till late in the visit and the first words out of his mouth when he realized what we were playing with were, “We are not eating these are we?” The kids just looked at him like “Huh? What are you asking?” J I had to smile, I thought they are all family germs, can’t be too bad? Good to gross out your dad sometimes.

It was a great break from hospice ministry: to be at the beginning of life with all the exuberant energy of youth.

How is everything in life?

That is a difficult question to answer so I will tell you about “my life”

1. I have been trying to establish connection with my 100% Polish roots. My grandparents on both sides were born in Poland. When they arrived in the USA via Ellis Island in the late 19^th and early 20 centuries; they wanted their children to “be American” so they did not pass down traditions except the wonderful foods. One tradition that my mother kept was that the Christmas tree was not to be seen by the kids until Christmas morning. She would stay up all night setting the tree, wrapping gifts, cooking to “make Christmas come.” It was a truly wonderful gift given to me. That is why I love Christmas so much. So I decided this year to join the Polish American Museum-lucky for me-in Chicago and it is active! This fall I attended a pierogi (like ravioli) making class. Basically we ate our way through two hours of watching others do the work! It was a hoot as everyone but me knew Polish and whenever our poor male 20something cook would say, “This is how to do it.” All the women would immediately begin speaking to each other in Polish! I am sure saying, “Mom never did it that way! etc.” We ate so many pierogi there were plates left over. Then I attended a paper cutting decoration class. If you go to Lisa’s and look in the office, I hung it on the wall. I really enjoyed it but it takes time for a neophyte like me. Finally I went to a Wiegela, the traditional Polish meal on Christmas Eve. (I never had one when I was growing up) Because Poles are RC, they ate no meat but from the sea, the land, the field, forest. So pierogi, and dumplings, and beets, and fish, and mushroom soup with pasta, and fruit compote. Again we ate until we were full to overflowing. Polish folks love to eat! So I can say “I have already eaten my Christmas dinner!”

2. I was on the planning committee for Roman Catholic women ordinations here in Chicago, 11/1. About 300 people attended. This was exciting as I had been to 6 prior to being on the planning end. The planning committee worked well together. However the womenpriests in admin positions, following the oppressive model of the RCC undermined what we were trying to do. Being non-violent long time protestors in the RCC, after the ordinations were complete we came back together wrote up our feedback and sent it to the three administrative priests. We are asking for face to face time in Jan/Feb. So we will see if Roman Catholic women priests will say “yes” Rome always says “No” to folks who want to dialogue on the issue of power. That is why we started ordaining women. “To be continued…” It is true that those oppressed take on the characteristics of the oppressor if come to positions of power, the model they have learned as they lived. Women are no different.

3. In August I attended another ordination at which a RCC priest in good standing Fr Roy B (see SOAWATCH) concelebrated. He is now in the process of being excommunicated. I wrote him a letter and offered to work with him on Peace and justice issues-especially the ordination of women in the RCC. BTW, I read the Gospel at the Janice’s ordination, so I am excommunicated, probably my 1000th time. We ain’t going; we defect in place and invite others to do the same. It is very difficult to change a system from the outside. Some folks are working from the outside creating alternatives such as Women Church.

4. PEBO (FBI, I think, for President Elect Barack Obama) as you know lives in Chicago-S side. A group VCNV (Voices for Creative Non Violence) with Kathy Kelly at the lead, proposed Camp Hope 2009 (www.Camphope2009.org) from 1/1 to 1/19 outside PEBO’s home in S. Chicago. We couldn’t get too close, we are in a park about 2 blocks away near a train stop, I understand. We will be present there and around the city with different presentations etc focusing on “8 promises” PEBO made during the campaign. We will try to be present from 8 AM to 6 PM each day. I will be attending 3 different times at least: a. with my small “alternative RC” faith community after church on 1/11, the day to stop torture as American policy. We will also sponsor a showing of the Taxi to the Dark Side at the local parish. I hope to find a Guantanamo guard, we have two in the area, to aid our discussion. b. as a member of Pax Christi on the afternoon of 1/6. We plan on having postcards for folks to write a letter to PEBO on one of the 8 promises, their choice. 3. As a member of Kairos-a group of college students that focus on non-violent systemic change in church and society and living a simple life-style. They let “Grandma Katy” attend. I thank them for their indulgence; they struggle to find their true selves and to build a better future for all the children of the world. So that will fill my January. I do not plan to go to DC for the inauguration. I don’t have tickets to get close and I don’t take the cold like I used to be able to do. I might see the Obama family closer at Camp Hope as we are present in his neighborhood.

5. My Christmas plans include taking the “polar express” over to Ann Arbor where Connie my sister lives. I arrive at Midnight with Christmas. We will get up, go to traditional mass (Connie’s choice), make Christmas dinner-so far chicken soup and homemade bread and pierogi (I purchased from the Polish Museum class and froze). Connie and I will eat with my mother’s remaining sibling-Aunt Theresa Borkowski who is failing. It will be the three of us and hoping to catch her memories of Christmas past. Then on Saturday we will cook and head to Tina and Mike’s to enjoy an open house for our brother Joe’s (deceased) three children and kids. Don’t know if anyone else will come. Connie wants to attend a play so maybe we will also do that. The best thing about Connie’s is that she belongs to this fabulous Fitness center part of the local community college and we head for the pool every chance we get. Of course it may be closed because school is down for the holidays. I am sure we will find plenty to do with visits here and there. Connie has to work ½ day on Friday. I may be writing Christmas cards as I am no where being done. First time in my life I will be late. We will visit with whoever is available and then I reverse the Polar Express on Tuesday and head home to Chicago. Back to work on New Year’s Eve. Camp Hope begins 1/1/09 so it will be out in the cold for New Year’s and my 66th birthday which is the 3^rd. I am thinking of taking a cake to Camp Hope and sharing with anyone who walks by! “Let them eat cake!” as a famous French queen once said.

6. I continue in therapy once a month and visiting my spiritual director once a month. My therapist is an alternative therapy woman who works with emotional pain experienced in the body. My spiritual director is most important to me now as I attempt to discern what my immediate future will look like as I face decisions in 2009.

7. As part of my grief work I am distributing ornaments from 50 years of collecting them. They will decorate others trees as I will have no longer have one that permits me the use of five boxes of ornaments and decorations. Sad, yet at the same time I feel happy that I can select who gets the decorations from my memories. Part of the letting go of who I was to opening the door to who I will become. Life is a journey and I have found that one of the most difficult challenges is the letting go.

8. The world of health care is disaster. Medicare is writing out the role of spiritual care for hospice patients (to save money, even as Hospice saves $ as patients don’t continue aggressive treatment to the end of life.) So I am looking at next step for me as I enter full senior status at 66 according to Social Security on January 3, 2009. 2008 was momentous change as we ended a marriage of 32 years. 2009 will most likely find me changing my work situation and possible move as Fr. Roy, if he were to say yes to my offer, presently lives in Columbus outside of Ft. Benning. If not I must downsize to cheaper rent as I can’t afford the $1100+ I pay now. My lease is up 4/1. I am looking at house sharing in Chicago, my RCC ordained friend Janice, mentioned above wants me to move to KY…So all options are on the table. For sure what is: change will happen. As we all must learn that life is change: emotionally, spiritually, physically, socially, and economically; that is in all aspects of human living. If one accepts that life is about the challenge to grow as a human (Jungian psychology), no wonder it is about change. As we face the challenges of our lives, we must change or we will not grow emotionally. How we accept this truth of human existence affects all dimensions of our life and being and relationships with others. If we remain ignorant of the need for growth and change we are a “failed experiment” of humanity, such were the Neanderthals.

Thank you Jodi for asking about my life,

Wishing I could be with you and Jason for the holidays.

Best wishes for your family and have a great celebration with friends

Make good and very happy memories for you and Jason,

Love, Katy