Sunday, October 12, 2008

The Perfect Fall Weekend! October 11-12, 2008

It is Sunday evening.
I thought I would write about this weekend.
Saturday was the 6 th anniversary of Congress authorizing the Bush administration to go to war.
About 20 marches were held around the country. To keep the focus on ending this war before the candidates at the local and national level. I was on the ad hoc planning committee in Chicago.

We decided to go to the Pakistani/Indian community in N Chicago, a neighborhood called Rogers Park. Police presence was minimal, the weather in the 70's and the sun was in a clear blue sky. See the photos:

[ http://chicago.indymedia.org/newswire/display/84181/index.php ]

I am the woman in a sunhat at the far left of #7 photo of three folks. I am holding a yellow sign that says, "Bring the troops home now."

The march was a short one; less than a mile. The speakers at both opening and ending rally were wonderful. A very diverse group of folks almost all from the neighborhood itself. For the first time we permitted political candidates. Only the Green Party candidates would agree to our condition that they must support our demands 100%. So we had local GP candidates speak.

This is a portion of our flyer for the event:

Stop War For Empire Bring ALL Troops Home Now!
Out of Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan • No War on Iran • End the Occupation of Palestine

OCTOBER 11TH marks SIX YEARS since Congress gave President Bush a blank check
authorization to invade Iraq. Hundreds of thousands of occupying forces remain there, and
the Democratic and Republican Presidential candidates are committed to permanent U.S.
military bases in the country, despite the wishes of the Iraqi people.

It’s been six years since the Iraq War authorization and the wars have gotten wider still. Over 1 million Iraqis are dead, and this year more U.S. troops have been killed in Afghanistan than any year since that war began. American special forces are operating inside Iran as the U.S. makes repeated threats of full scale war against that country.Now U.S. troops are invading and launching missiles into Pakistan against the express wishes of the Pakistani people and government.

At the end of June Congress gave $162 billion for the wars in Iraq and
Afghanistan, and now is on the eve of giving an astounding $700 billion
more to bail out Wall Street. They are using the billions from our taxes for
war funding and corporate bailouts, rather than funding jobs, health care,
education, and other social services for all. Instead, they are scapegoating
immigrant communities with government raids and deportations.

Help us make a pre-election demand of ALL candidates running this election year:
• No more death & destruction — bring ALL the troops home now!
• Legalize the undocumented / Stop the raids and deportations
• Fund human needs, not wars abroad and Wall Street bailouts at home.

Initiated by the October 11th Ad Hoc Mobilization for Peace

______________

After the march, I and a friend from one of the peace groups-Near West side for Peace and Justice- John had never been on Devon before checked out a couple of the stores while we waited for the time of the Post-MN debrief/dinner at a local Indian restaurant. The serving was family style and a surprise for the planners over 50 of us showed up to hear the report about the government's abolishment of the the Bill of Rights before the RNC. They had a wonderful photo of two of the riot police standing with billy clubs ready before the State Capital with the caption "Minnesota: Land of Free Speech" NOT.

We talked and share our own experiences while in MN (Sorry I cannot get my MN entry to post. I get an HTML error). But what excited me most was a report from Matt who had just returned from Honduras and a gathering of peace and justice workers there. He said the people of SA/CA want to be in solidarity with us as we resist unjust laws and actions by the USA. They made plans (thank Godde for the Internet for quick communications) to surround/protest at US embassies in their countries when peace and justice workers are arrested HERE! Isn't this amazing! Can you feel the emotional and spiritual "net of relationships" being built? I call it building bridges between peoples!

I am awed at the actions of the suffering people of SA/CA to stand with us. I thought, "America is not being seen as a leader of the free world, but an oppressor of its own people" like the people of SA/CA have experienced since Europeans found their shores. *

We were fed both body and heart and about 7 PM it was time to head home for a good read of a murder mystery, my favorite relax past time! I couldn't put it down and wound up reading to midnight which leads to puffy eyes in the morning.

Sunday:

Time to head for church, I woke up early and finished the mystery, I couldn't believe I did that. Being single has its advantages! I jumped out of bed, showered and headed to my small faith community of reformed RC's who meet in a Lutheran Uptown Ministry. Our circle is filled with the needs of humanity:

  • A mother praying for her son's appeal for new sentencing to be given this Friday
  • An immigration lawyer celebrating her latest victory for an illegal immigrant and putting them on the path to legal status in the US
  • A prison worker praying for a woman prisoner and her suffering
  • Prayers for family members who are ill, who will undergo surgery
  • Prayers for the unemployed, homeless
  • Prayers by one of our regular members-off the street but who might loose his housing
  • Prayers for peace and healing from war-especially for myself and Jason
  • Prayers for the election; for good leaders
  • Prayers for the environment; our responsibility and its healing
  • Prayers to celebrate the march on Saturday and the diversity of peoples of our nation

I love my faith community and our humanity in its goodness and failings. It truly is a feast-the theme of today's Good News. When we pass the bread I always say, "We are the Body of Christ" and "We are the Blood of Christ" for the juice. Try it, it is a radical, revolutionary theology of God and Godness in us! No other way to understand the Mystery of God. As the Hindus say, "Nemaste" "The God in me greets the God in you."

Then after church I took one of the homeless/unemployed woman to lunch at the Cafe next door. We talked about her job prospects which are poor and her need to find a new apartment as she is in the process of being evicted for not paying rent. This IS our economy and it sucks except for the wealthiest Americans. There is no safety net, no community of helping the least amongst us. I had my Peach smoothie, soon it will be too cold for that but today it was another sun-filled autumn day, almost 80 degrees.

At 1 PM I was found at the Polish Museum of America on Milwaukee Ave for Polish Heritage Day! Polishmuseumofamerica.org/english/ActivePagesPMAHomeEnglish.htm

Yes! I wish I had begun to explore my Polish heritage so much sooner. There are Polish schools held on Saturdays in Chicago where children from kindergarten 12th grade learn Polish, the arts, etc. Once a year for the last ten years, the PMA celebrates their achievements and honors their volunteers, friends etc. We end with a wonderful...Polish meal! cooked by Kashi's a famous Polish restaurant. I skipped lunch to prepare myself-leaving lots of room to eat a sampling of it all! Peroigi, gawumki (sp) -pigs in the blanket, blintzes, potatoes and cheese-I can't think of the name but my mother's could not be beat!, veal cutlet, cooked baby carrots, bread and butter, desert was crushekes (sp)

The children were wonderful: the dancers-two troops dressed in traditional costumes were lovely. Poetry was read in Polish, a Chopin piece played well. But the piece-De-resistance was 30 young violinists dressed as "cowpokes" playing "Turkey in the Straw" We clapped along and watched them as the did "dance while playing" in bare feet. It was truly too precious! That's what happens with assimilation into a culture done well! :-) Recognition for artistic efforts was given-3 for each age cohort through high school. The art was cute to amazing, one by a middle schooler was an impressionistic garden and cottage. A special award for a wood burning of the Polish eagle, very well done.

At dinner I sat at my assigned table and met a couple probably well into their 70's. I'll call them Mary and Joe to protect their privacy. They were supporters of the museum's art program. Live in Lake county so don't get to many of the events. She was wearing a beautiful necklace of amber and earrings to match. We introduced ourselves and Joe began to tell me his story to my question about his connection to Poland. "I was a resister against the Nazi's sent to the concentration camps. I was 17." Joe was caught smuggling a sub machine gun. His camp was first Auschwitz then he was moved to one in Austria.

He described the cruelty of the camps:

You may have seen the camp pictures: 1000 inmates to a cell, 7 people slept "only room to sleep on your side" three levels high, on platforms made of wooden planks. The clothes you were wearing when you came in were the only clothes you would ever have.

Guards who would hit the prisoners with wooden "planks" to make them move quickly out in the morning. Some died that way. Guards who used screwdrivers to kill prisoners. Guards who used their hands to break necks. "They had no guns, they used weapons they created."

Guards who would throw cigarettes into the "dead zone" between the two fences that surrounded the camp. Prisoners would think they could quickly jump the low fence, grab the cigarette and get back. They died in their attempts, for a cigarette; the guards shot the prisoners-more kills meant more days off.

Joe lived because he did not give away his bread. Prisoners who traded bread for cigarettes died of starvation. Joe said, "I quit smoking the day I walked into the camp."

He talked of having to carry bags of cement as heavy as himself. "If I had had to carry that bag another day, I would have died." His jobs rotated throughout the camp.

He saw other resisters, then Joe never saw them again.

He said, "I have lived a very interesting life." After the war Joe worked for GE on secret communication systems for the US. Family members in the US found him through the Red Cross. Being liberated happened like this: one day the Germans were gone from the camp. The Americans had not yet arrived. Joe walked out and didn't look back. He made his way to England and on to the US.

I thought "This is not the conversation I expected during dinner." My chaplain experience said, "Listen and hold his grief." That is what I tried to do. I thanked Joe for sharing his experience. I thought of the PTSD he must have. Joe was able to smile, he has done well financially and they have travelled the whole world and visited every state in America.

I told him, "I have also suffered the trauma of war." I told them the story of Jason and my time at Walter Reed. It in no way compares with what Joe experienced, yet secondary PTSD for me was horrific. I know the memory of my time at Walter Reed will never be forgotten, the memory is as alive as Joe's 60 years after his experience of WWII concentration camps. Some experiences burn the soul as the wood burning of the art exhibit.

After the dinner was complete and BTW Polish affairs always include door prizes. Yep, they had drawings for donated items. We had "entered" by writing our names on the back of our dinner tickets. I thought, "This is a crazy custom." It reminded me of wedding and baby showers. We Polish are a funny lot. Everyone attending definitely looked middle class and really didn't need a "pen, pad of paper, a kit with aspirin and band aides and museum postcard."-our table favor.

It was about 4 PM and I had planned on going to the Lakeshore park at Montrose and take one last walk on the beach. The weather is to turn cool later this week. I drove the 5 miles upshore and easily found a place to park. I changed my shoes, put on my sunhat and began to walk: through the bird sanctuary filled with small migrating birds this afternoon. I headed for the roped off dune rehab area. I hadn't walked there all summer. Today it was filled with leg attacking burrs, shades of my childhood, walk-pick them off, walk-pick them off, nasty, nasty way for seeds to grab a ride!

One surprising discovery: Mushrooms grow on sand dunes. I am serious. I even took a picture because I didn't think anyone would believe me. I found them once, then I found them again! Small and a deeper brown than the sand itself. I cannot figure out how the mushroom spore got there and waited patiently until the rains came and "up it popped." Mother Nature is truly awesome and humbling.

I am so thankful to be alive. To be here in this time and place. I give thanks for life in this week that holds the anniversary of Jason almost loosing his life in war.

Blessings and may your fall days be filled with beauty.







*(Columbus Day is Monday-we are having protests to abolish it and replace it with Indigenous People's Day. I encourage you to have one in your town! Columbus didn't discover the continents; millions of people already lived here for 1000's of years. The Europeans did a great job of wiping them out mostly through disease and war for gold.)

Saturday, October 11, 2008

At the Bank; An Identity Shift Occurred: One Month Out

For our 35 year relationship Dow controlled all our finances and "I make the income" controlled our family decisions as well. Unconscious this vulnerable, no-control position undermined my self esteem until I became silent in "our" home. Dow was not a "benevolent dictator" emotionally and spiritually. He often talked about being a "king of his castle." Looking back he was.

I had this dream about Jason, Dow and I after the divorce was final:

Three refrigerators were sitting in a garage. The garage lights were on. Extra locks had been added to each one of them. Jason and I were there. The friges made an L shape. Jason was standing next to them and I was looking at them and Jason. Jason had his arm and eye, lost almost 3 years ago (10/14/05) N of Baghdad to an IED.

I think the friges are ourselves and relationships within our family. We lived in a cold, locked world within ourselves. Not able to be open because of the emotional and spiritual coldness in our family. "Locked away" in a frigid world. And so we are to this day. Each of us separate from the other.

This week I received a check for 1/2 the value of the condo which Dow and I had completely paid off. I think he never had the value re-reevaluated because of the 11 other condo owners. I received probably 30% more than I could have under today's market prices. Although the condo is strategically located all the condos in Chicago have lost money. Dow did not want to be the first to devalue his property. He has to live with these folks and was the President of the Condo Board for many years. Also he might have gotten a higher amount loan and is using it for his own expenses, ie replacing some of his retirement account. All played to my benefit.

With the check in my hands, I looked at it and said, "Holy shit, I am in control of this money for the first time since 1974" and best invest it wisely. So first an email to my financial planner. I had seen an add for 4% CD for 6 months at Citigroup. She said, "Good idea put it there for now."
So I headed to the bank as I want to leave some money in the checking to pay off bills, etc.

A light bulb went off, or my intuition, or my financial guardian angel whispered, "Ask Harris what they can do for me." So I stepped up to the window and asked, "Citigroup is offering 4%. Can you beat that?" The teller looked at the check, I am sure the largest he had seen this morning and said, "I'll get you our officer."

I head to the desk and was warmly greeted by this "kid" who looked about 21. I thought, "I should trust my life savings to him?" Harris is owned by the Bank of Montreal a conservative institution and he promised did not have the debt exposure that American banks have. We chatted he gave me 4.25% for 7 months, reinvesting the interest. I put Lisa's name on the account so if I die, the money can pay for her children's college, at least some of it.

I felt very good about my transaction.
I felt very good about myself!
I don't know why I feel free,
I made a major financial decision on how to save these dollars for now and I am okay with it!
For so long I felt as if I had no right to make decisions, this one has me standing tall.

The sun is shining, I am heading for a peace march.
I am alive and thankful for this beautiful blue sky day.

I am also in the "giving away stage of my life."
I can't believe how easily it has been for me to give away my houseplants this week.
Some I brought with me from Blacksburg VA 12 years ago.

I gave two to a forming small intentional faith community.
I gave my mums in pots to one of the MFSO dads who just took them.
John said, "My daughter is on a rampage cleaning house, she's 17, and I dare not bring anything into the house!" His wife returns this week and if anything is left, I will offer to her.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Money being transferred today

Got a message from my lawyer. Dow's loan for 1/2 the condo has been approved. The company sent the check to my lawyer. My lawyer called me, "The check is too large for the mail. If I don't get it tomorrow, I will be away (I assume for the Jewish holidays) You can pick it up next week."

So I need to complete the divorce process:
1. 1/2 of the ever more shrinking retirement accounts to come.
2. Proof of insurance for the maintenance should Dow die before 10 years.
3. Access to photographs-one box which I could not lift from the storage unit.

I visited my Spiritual Director yesterday-1st time since the divorce.
She remarked on the difference of my energy "So positive" my posture, "You are standing tall" My smiles and my demeanor, all proof of the emotional and spiritual changes that have taken place in me over the last 3 years. Especially since the divorce was final during this last month.

I was even laughing as I told a friend about Jason's wedding on a Disney cruise October 31 2009
From what I was told by Lisa who talked to him.
Folks get on the boat Thursday or Friday.
They party-bachelor and bachelorette parties starting at Midnight.
The ship cruises to Nassau, everyone gets out to the sand, marriage ceremony takes 10 minutes
Then back to the boat to go to a Disney Island for the day.
Arrive FL next morning-I think Sunday.

I do not know if I will be invited.
I thought if I were to be invited; "I don't drink and I have never partied; what will I do?"
I will bring books to sit and read on the deck in the sun/shade.
Enjoy the outings.
Be a polite guest along with my ex-spouse. (Good to write that)
Wish and pray only the very best for two young people
who deserve only the very best in their lives.
Holding Jason and Jodi in my heart ever so tenderly.

I don't know what I will get them for their present whether I attend or not.
I have a year to "think on it."

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Sat in October-one month out from the divorce

Next week it will be a month for the divorce to be final.
The first month of the rest of my life.

I have been working 2 part time jobs as a Chaplain for hospice.
I like my second PRN position in that the team is very small and we meet once every two weeks and cover our 15 patients. I am hoping to be able to retire in January 2009 and work less.
This hospice reminds me of my years working in Blacksburg Va to start a hospice there.

I continue to look to change my living situation. Very difficult to pursue alternative housing in Chicago. I can't get a hold of the person who manages "House sharing" for the City. I really would like to do that.

I am busy with the preparation for the ordination of 4 women as Roman Catholic priests and deacons which will take place November 1 in Chicago. I cannot believe that we have only October meetings to go! 2 to be exact. Right now it looks like about 250 folks will attend. A nice congregation.

I am busy with the planning of a March for October 11, the anniversary day of the authorization for Bush to go to war in 2001. I feel so sad as I approach the 3rd anniversary of Jason's wounding in Iraq, October 14. Being part of a march for peace brings comfort for my grief. It is so hard because Jason has not talked to me for almost 2 years. So all my memories of him are those at Walter Reed. I have no memories to replace those days, each one a year of my life, at his bedside praying that Jason would live. As I type, I cry, it is okay for it means that my heart is tender with love for my only son and all those injured in war throughout time.

I am human, I can feel the suffering. I dedicate my life to ending war. I will speak for peace at DePaul University on the 20th. Telling the story of my activism, another way to heal the grief. To put out the call for others to join me in healing the world of war.

At the same time I am trying to finish the "financial transfers" required by the divorce. Of Course, Dow is doing nothing to finish the process. He hasn't gotten a loan for 1/2 the condo, while I gave him a quit claim the first week of July. Dow hasn't gotten to me a life insurance policy that provides me with maintenance should he die. I haven't heard anything about 1/2 of his retirement funds. I found I can't change my name on one of the accounts. I have to have a special medallion approval from a banker. I went to the bank...not so fast, she needed a copy of the account on which I would change my name! Back again I must go next week.

Also have a meeting with the SS folks to see how much I would receive under Dow's credits if I retire in January. I know my life style must change but I sure do like the freedom I have!

So...the divorce is still not over with all this paper work hanging out.

I will go to a fall gathering of the Corpus priests and their wives tomorrow way out in the suburbs. It is good to be with folks who followed the call of the Spirit in their personal lives. It gives me courage to follow the Spirit Sophia in my own.

Blessings everyone.