A Dream: Creating a New Life After Divorce

After my final reflection of the journal yesterday I had this dream:
I am in a room looking at the scene.
It is daylight, sun is streaming in the windows, lots of light.
A woman is totally wrapped in paper and duct tape except for her head and face.
She is suspended over a table covered with news paper.
(I think she is hanging on skewers for a roast at her head and feet. No physical pain but that is how she is suspended. Somehow, it is not seen.)
A man standing to the right of the table is working on her. He has cut off all her hair, it is now very close to her head.
He is going to take her somewhere else.
She reminds me of a cocoon, a chrysalis.
End of dream

Reflection on the dream:
Paper is not strong. The bonds are invisible. I am suspended, not grounded in these “dreams” for Dow’s change. Does the paper represent the legal contract of marriage? The duct tape a “masculine” image of control?

I think the dream has to do with neurotic “fantasy dreams” of Dow’s changing. I know they are unrealistic, but 30 years of living in that world is hard to replace with a new paradigm. I want to free myself from the “paper bonds that hold me.” How might I best do this?

I started my exercises again this morning, I walked for 30 minutes then did core strengthening for the first time. I need to work out for at least an hour a day. Or at least walk for a half hour a day.

I feel that I need to “let go and let Godde” I don’t know that the admonition “pray for your enemy” applies to Dow’s and my relationship. Everyone wants to pray for Dow and have me pray for him. After this dream, I feel that any mental focus on Dow “ties me to him.” Praying for Dow ties me to him. I feel I need to let go even in praying for Dow. I feel that praying for Dow enmeshes me in the relationship with him again. (Does this make emotional and spiritual sense? Or am I overreacting at this point?)

I feel I need to fill my soul and life with new experiences to replace the pain of the Dow’s and my relationship. But what are those? How might I do it successfully? I have WOC, and peace and hospice ministries. I feel I need to participate in art.

I know I must create an “independent woman life” not a mother, sister, wife, employee, but “Who I am” life. I feel is it too late at almost 65? Yet I know it is never too late. I think of the workers who started in the last hour of the day and Jesus/Godde/Universe paid them a full day’s wages. I am so happy, I’m crying, that I started the work. I only wish I had more time to live it. I know how ever long my life is, it is a gift to live "MY life" not as others would have it, but as Godde leads me to. Life is a gift from Godde, I know I am going home to Godde where time does not exist and life is forever. It brings me comfort to know this.