Dow and I and our respective lawyers went to court on Tuesday August 21. The private hearing started late. Dow and I sat in the audience benches, empty when we arrived and full by the time we left. Dow sat on the left side, I on the right. The lawyers were called to the judge's chambers and we sat. My lawyer, named Scott, only came out to ask me one question, "Have you ever made over $30K?" I had the record of my Social Security income, found it and took it to him. I knocked on the door; it was the judge's clerk and the lawyers, no judge present. So I don't know if he had written his recommendations prior to the morning or if he appeared after I left.
Scott said that Dow's lawyer argued very aggressively in behalf of his position. End result:
1. Property: House and retirement income is split 50/50.
2. Maintenance: $2600 a month (pretax for Dow: I must pay the taxes) If he wants it changed, he must petition the court.
3. Dow gets a time share week, I get a time share week. I could not prove I purchased with inheritance money. I didn't have a single name account at the time. Dow did not like the idea of the time share weeks. He absolutely refused to purchase one. Now he has one "free of cost" thanks to my inheritance. Frustrates the living _____out of me.
4. The inheritance of stock I received from mother is mine. There is no record of it being Dow's as I intended it never to be. The children will inherit if I die. It is an inheritance from their grandfather who died a janitor. He had been encouraged by a manager to buy NBD stock way back when, when Dad died in 1987 it was worth about $150,000, split 7 ways. Not a lot of money but it is all I have from my dad whom I loved very much. I miss his hugs to this day and will until I die.
It isn't over till the judge signs the papers. The settlement is in Dow's ball court. His decision is to accept or to go to trial. I won't take less in a settlement.
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Monday, August 20, 2007
Weekend Before Pre-Trial # II
This truly was a blessed weekend. I was wondering how I could get through it without obsessing on the the court pre-trial rescheduled for Tuesday. I came down with a horrible sinus infection and am still on leviquin (sp) so I wasn't sure how this would flow.
I woke up on Saturday and attended a Pax Christi planning committee meeting for a September 29 date. Two of our "sure" speakers were now not sure at all and we had to "explore option B" for our morning that is to focus on peace in Iraq. The group was still enthusiastic in attempting to find speakers for the morning and I agreed to keep contacting folks and trying to get them committed to attending.
I woke up on Saturday and attended a Pax Christi planning committee meeting for a September 29 date. Two of our "sure" speakers were now not sure at all and we had to "explore option B" for our morning that is to focus on peace in Iraq. The group was still enthusiastic in attempting to find speakers for the morning and I agreed to keep contacting folks and trying to get them committed to attending.
Friday, August 17, 2007
Do I Have an Infection!
The problems of being single include being sick, having to take my work week off and know I won't get paid. Part time, no sick pay benefits. I was able to pay $1000 on my visa bill this month, not sure how much I will be able to pay next month. I thought I could live on $1600 a month (Dow's support pays almost all my rent) but I had to buy things for the apartment and couldn't wait any longer. So I have bills to pay and work to work.
I am allergic to molds and here in Chicago it was 55,000 however they are measured. A hot, wet summer in the Great Lakes is not good for allergies. My nose became Niagara Falls and I knew an infection could not be far behind-either sinus or bronchitis. I called the MD's both were off so they patched me through to other folks, MD in one instance who gave me a prescription without seeing me. The nurse practitioner never called me back. When I picked up the prescription I noticed that it had 875 whatever of penicillin. I said, "Oh no" that is diarrhea land and I don't want to go there. So back to the phone, get a new prescription-leviquin or something like that. One pill a day for 10 days. Side effects: dizziness, etc. I will see how it goes.
I have been busy speaking out against the war. I have been on the Iraq Summer Campaign with Iraqi Veterans Against the War (IVAW) and spoke at two different events. They are targeting Republican congressmen who support Bush's war 100%. It is time to "pull ourselves out of this quagmire" and get onto the business of rebuilding America's infrastructure, jobs and human services. And change our oil-guzzling lifestyles too! Let us bring our troops home now! Going to have a huge demonstration here in October. I am on the committee as a representative of Pax Christi and MFSO. I do like demonstrations, I feel it is the grassroots' folks expressing themselves.
Jason is in orientation this week for Un of Florida at Gainesville. He will enter a 2 year MBA. Jason has a new computer for taking notes. He writes with his left hand(he does not wear a prosthetic right hand) and the computer "translates into a word document" so my daughter reports from her visit with Jason and Jodi. The animals are doing fine-2 dogs, 2 cats and one Clive (hedgehog). I guess there is some discussion on what kind of dog to get to replace Mr Foo who has congestive heart failure. Jason wants another Australian cattle shepherd, Jodi a border collie. I think miniature sheep for the shepherd would be good.
Tomorrow I will be a co facilitator for a workshop on Peace Ministry, leading a conversation on the challenges, connections, and commitments of this ministry. It is part of a conference "Celebrating Catholic Feminist Ministries." A radical group of Catholic women who believe that the only way for women to share equal power is to create new structures without hierarchy. Just like the original Jewish-Christian communities. So women are called to minister-Go forth and do it is their motto and their life.
Divorce:
We try to go to court again this Tuesday. I don't know what the outcome will be. I am ready to sign papers and finish the legal stuff. Come what may, I know my soul is at peace. I told the full story of my journey to a group of Corpus (married priests) and they expressed appreciation. I don't think I will tell the story again in that way. Most groups are not prepared to accept the raw suffering of a soul. It was a theological reflection on life, death and resurrection-a spiritual journey. Can't be any better than that. At 64 I feel I have arrived and am not sure what Godde has in store for me, but I know it will be an adventure.
I feel I have to lead a balanced life which includes more social/recreation. Don't know what I will do but feel the need to do it. I am slowly beginning to exercise again, keeping my weight down to low 130's, eating simple foods, fruits and veggies. My only social life is a once a month book club. I feel I can't do anything until I get the apartment straightened out. I feel I brought too much stuff with me. I will just have to weed it. I have a whole drawer of tee shirts that I have not worn once this summer which means I probably will not wear them next summer. I think I will send some to FL for visits there and the rest to give away as much as I like them.
I am allergic to molds and here in Chicago it was 55,000 however they are measured. A hot, wet summer in the Great Lakes is not good for allergies. My nose became Niagara Falls and I knew an infection could not be far behind-either sinus or bronchitis. I called the MD's both were off so they patched me through to other folks, MD in one instance who gave me a prescription without seeing me. The nurse practitioner never called me back. When I picked up the prescription I noticed that it had 875 whatever of penicillin. I said, "Oh no" that is diarrhea land and I don't want to go there. So back to the phone, get a new prescription-leviquin or something like that. One pill a day for 10 days. Side effects: dizziness, etc. I will see how it goes.
I have been busy speaking out against the war. I have been on the Iraq Summer Campaign with Iraqi Veterans Against the War (IVAW) and spoke at two different events. They are targeting Republican congressmen who support Bush's war 100%. It is time to "pull ourselves out of this quagmire" and get onto the business of rebuilding America's infrastructure, jobs and human services. And change our oil-guzzling lifestyles too! Let us bring our troops home now! Going to have a huge demonstration here in October. I am on the committee as a representative of Pax Christi and MFSO. I do like demonstrations, I feel it is the grassroots' folks expressing themselves.
Jason is in orientation this week for Un of Florida at Gainesville. He will enter a 2 year MBA. Jason has a new computer for taking notes. He writes with his left hand(he does not wear a prosthetic right hand) and the computer "translates into a word document" so my daughter reports from her visit with Jason and Jodi. The animals are doing fine-2 dogs, 2 cats and one Clive (hedgehog). I guess there is some discussion on what kind of dog to get to replace Mr Foo who has congestive heart failure. Jason wants another Australian cattle shepherd, Jodi a border collie. I think miniature sheep for the shepherd would be good.
Tomorrow I will be a co facilitator for a workshop on Peace Ministry, leading a conversation on the challenges, connections, and commitments of this ministry. It is part of a conference "Celebrating Catholic Feminist Ministries." A radical group of Catholic women who believe that the only way for women to share equal power is to create new structures without hierarchy. Just like the original Jewish-Christian communities. So women are called to minister-Go forth and do it is their motto and their life.
Divorce:
We try to go to court again this Tuesday. I don't know what the outcome will be. I am ready to sign papers and finish the legal stuff. Come what may, I know my soul is at peace. I told the full story of my journey to a group of Corpus (married priests) and they expressed appreciation. I don't think I will tell the story again in that way. Most groups are not prepared to accept the raw suffering of a soul. It was a theological reflection on life, death and resurrection-a spiritual journey. Can't be any better than that. At 64 I feel I have arrived and am not sure what Godde has in store for me, but I know it will be an adventure.
I feel I have to lead a balanced life which includes more social/recreation. Don't know what I will do but feel the need to do it. I am slowly beginning to exercise again, keeping my weight down to low 130's, eating simple foods, fruits and veggies. My only social life is a once a month book club. I feel I can't do anything until I get the apartment straightened out. I feel I brought too much stuff with me. I will just have to weed it. I have a whole drawer of tee shirts that I have not worn once this summer which means I probably will not wear them next summer. I think I will send some to FL for visits there and the rest to give away as much as I like them.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
What a Day
I have been busy today!
I am the contact person for planning a peace day on Sept 29 at St Gertrude's in Chicago. We have been seeking a focus on the Iraq war. I have been trying to get to the speakers and have them commit to being with us. Here is the copy of the email I sent them today as an update report.
I will continue to update as I get more details.
Talking to Josh I also committed to speaking for peace in a "caravan event" in both Springfield and Champagne IL this coming Saturday. So...I will speak for peace three times in the next week: Sat/Sun/ next Sat the 18th. It is so strange that I don't speak then three in one week!
I will be speaking as a member of MFSO and on Sunday as a theologian giving a spiritual reflection on my experience as a mother of a very seriously wounded (VSI) soldier and what that means spiritually and emotionally for me. For the only time, on Sunday I will reflect on my divorce.
All this working for peace keeps my mind off the divorce:
I realized today that I have overspent my finances. I have gone through all the reserve in my checking account and with what I owe in Visa I have a negative balance for the first time in many, many years. As I have written, Dow's $1000 a month temporary maintenance does not even cover my rent. I have been buying items for the apartment, I am now finished. Although I broke a dish, went to the condo to check and there are no extras. I took 6 and left 6. I thought we had extra luncheon plates but I am wrong. So I will have to purchase some Fiesta ware when I get the balances equalized.
I like banking on line as it really permits me to see my account but I don't balance the checkbook as I should. I need to really watch my pennies as I don't know how long this financial situation will continue. I also don't know how much money I will be awarded. I only hope that my car doesn't need major fixing or...some other major financial hit takes place. Cross your fingers as I fall from middle class income. I worry because I will have to pay taxes on the alimony, buy Cobra health insurance, put money away for auto insurance and repair, etc. I figure "Katy you are like every other American household-with credit card debt!" Sigh.
But the upside is that I am not living with Dow's emotional neglect and abuse any longer. I am free! and I plan to stay that way, whatever my finances are. I will make do. It is a creative challenge for me. I have learned too late in life that one's emotional life must come first! I thought I was being rewarded for doing the right thing because with Dow I was more financially comfortable than ever before. Was I mistaken! Money drives Dow and his desire for it over people drove me into neurosis-regression in support of the ego. I was blind but I walked out into the sunlight and now I can see the truth of my life and relationship with Dow. It is enough.
I am the contact person for planning a peace day on Sept 29 at St Gertrude's in Chicago. We have been seeking a focus on the Iraq war. I have been trying to get to the speakers and have them commit to being with us. Here is the copy of the email I sent them today as an update report.
Update on speakers
I will continue to update as I get more details.
Katy
Talking to Josh I also committed to speaking for peace in a "caravan event" in both Springfield and Champagne IL this coming Saturday. So...I will speak for peace three times in the next week: Sat/Sun/ next Sat the 18th. It is so strange that I don't speak then three in one week!
I will be speaking as a member of MFSO and on Sunday as a theologian giving a spiritual reflection on my experience as a mother of a very seriously wounded (VSI) soldier and what that means spiritually and emotionally for me. For the only time, on Sunday I will reflect on my divorce.
All this working for peace keeps my mind off the divorce:
I realized today that I have overspent my finances. I have gone through all the reserve in my checking account and with what I owe in Visa I have a negative balance for the first time in many, many years. As I have written, Dow's $1000 a month temporary maintenance does not even cover my rent. I have been buying items for the apartment, I am now finished. Although I broke a dish, went to the condo to check and there are no extras. I took 6 and left 6. I thought we had extra luncheon plates but I am wrong. So I will have to purchase some Fiesta ware when I get the balances equalized.
But the upside is that I am not living with Dow's emotional neglect and abuse any longer. I am free! and I plan to stay that way, whatever my finances are. I will make do. It is a creative challenge for me. I have learned too late in life that one's emotional life must come first! I thought I was being rewarded for doing the right thing because with Dow I was more financially comfortable than ever before. Was I mistaken! Money drives Dow and his desire for it over people drove me into neurosis-regression in support of the ego. I was blind but I walked out into the sunlight and now I can see the truth of my life and relationship with Dow. It is enough.
Monday, August 6, 2007
A Dream: Creating a New Life After Divorce
After my final reflection of the journal yesterday I had this dream:
I am in a room looking at the scene.
It is daylight, sun is streaming in the windows, lots of light.
A woman is totally wrapped in paper and duct tape except for her head and face.
She is suspended over a table covered with news paper.
(I think she is hanging on skewers for a roast at her head and feet. No physical pain but that is how she is suspended. Somehow, it is not seen.)
A man standing to the right of the table is working on her. He has cut off all her hair, it is now very close to her head.
He is going to take her somewhere else.
She reminds me of a cocoon, a chrysalis.
End of dream
Reflection on the dream:
Paper is not strong. The bonds are invisible. I am suspended, not grounded in these “dreams” for Dow’s change. Does the paper represent the legal contract of marriage? The duct tape a “masculine” image of control?
I think the dream has to do with neurotic “fantasy dreams” of Dow’s changing. I know they are unrealistic, but 30 years of living in that world is hard to replace with a new paradigm. I want to free myself from the “paper bonds that hold me.” How might I best do this?
I started my exercises again this morning, I walked for 30 minutes then did core strengthening for the first time. I need to work out for at least an hour a day. Or at least walk for a half hour a day.
I feel that I need to “let go and let Godde” I don’t know that the admonition “pray for your enemy” applies to Dow’s and my relationship. Everyone wants to pray for Dow and have me pray for him. After this dream, I feel that any mental focus on Dow “ties me to him.” Praying for Dow ties me to him. I feel I need to let go even in praying for Dow. I feel that praying for Dow enmeshes me in the relationship with him again. (Does this make emotional and spiritual sense? Or am I overreacting at this point?)
I feel I need to fill my soul and life with new experiences to replace the pain of the Dow’s and my relationship. But what are those? How might I do it successfully? I have WOC, and peace and hospice ministries. I feel I need to participate in art.
Sunday, August 5, 2007
A Day of Peacemaking II
Today I took a woman out for brunch. She attends The Herold and is actively seeking employment. In her early 50's this is becoming difficult as she has worked for non-profits for most of her career and as funds are diverted for war purposes and tax breaks for the wealthy; funds are being cut for social services. She had a good interview last week and is being called back for a second interview this week. The position is in a Chicago suburb but the agency plans to move into Chicago in the fall.
We ate lunch at the Inspiration Cafe, a "training site" for folks who are learning to work in the food industry. The tables have linens and fresh flowers. The food is great but often the wait is long. Not quite sure the training process for cooks. I am always happy when the food finally arrives. I had a wonderful blueberry scone this morning. Very tasty. My friend had a quiche.
I headed home and washed dishes for the first time in a week. The sink was overflowing and the ants were busy marching in to check out the left overs. I really don't mind ants as long as I am not actively eating the food! I cleaned up and with some trepidation headed to St. Gertrude's and my first training in non-violence. This is training done to prepare one to act when one chooses to be arrested for civil disobedience.
I have no plans to actively seek arrest, but I do not know if and when it could occur. (With a divorce looming and financial picture unclear, I cannot be arrested at this time. I don't think my employer would look kindly on it.) Last year I was at a peace action at the Pentagon and an innocent young women was arrested because of misunderstanding and " very aggressive tactics" of the security men on duty. She did not understand what they were saying and they responded to her questions as belligerence and resisting arrest. This happened as she had just hugged her dad "goodbye" he works in the Pentagon -civilian and was on the side walk instead of the grass "in the free speech area." They really "manhandled her." So as a support person for those going to be arrested as part of the Occupation Project-2nd round this year, I must be prepared in case it does happen.
We arrived at one and I helped Laurie, from Voices for Creative Non-Violence located in Chicago ,set out the hospitality foods: fresh grapes and M&M's and iced tea. Ten participants and 3 trainers were present. Four of the 10 were the core leaders of a newly forming peace group on the SW side of Chicago-in Jesse Jackson II's district. Ranging from 35 to 65, one had protested against the Vietnam War and was ready to "go at it again." All were planning and willing to be arrested during this phase of OP.
We went over the statement of Non-Violence for the OP and the history of the project. We reviewed the legal charges which could be Federal or State or Local or a combination of them. We then did two role plays. They were both done "in the offices of a Senator."
1. The group came to the "office" and had appointed a spokesperson. She said, "We have a pledge to stop funding the war we want the Senator to sign. We will not leave until we meet with him." I was the office manager called out by the receptionist. I recited regulations and said, "You must leave or else I will call the security." They didn't, were "arrested" and taken into custody.
If you are arrested in the Federal Building, it is done two times. First ICE Immigration.... something, really Homeland Security folks take all your information. Then ICE turns you over to the Chicago Police who take you off and put you in a holding cell till whenever. At some point you go before a magistrate to get court date, etc. Usually CP lets you out in the middle of the night. They do let you go to the restroom, though. Laurie says, "I can tell white privilege, we are treated differently than persons of color." Probably because they think we can afford a lawyer and/or will go to the press as first response to any CP shenanigans.
2. Then it was my turn to be one of the protesters. This role play was filled with "the unexpected." We protesters wanted to experience a "person going to pieces emotionally." Laurie would do it, we wouldn't know when. The two folks who are the "Senator's office staff" plan separately so we didn't know what they would do. The two police plan separately so we didn't know their responses. We decided on a "sit in" We would make our demands, then sit down with arms locked and not move "till the Senator meets with us."
We came "into the office of Senator Obama" greeted by the intern behind the desk, they are all interns who said that the Senator was out and about. Our demand was that as Obama is now a presidential candidate we need him to take leadership of bringing this war to its quickest close. We each introduced ourselves while Jeff from Voices began to act belligerently "I want this_____ war to end" and trying to get behind the desk. One of the protesters from the Catholic Worker, who has been arrested many times, went to his side and kept him from the staff person. In the meantime we are still introducing ourselves and making personal statements to the aide as to why we are there. The phone "rings" the aide picks it up and begins to talk. I thought that was a great touch/response to our presence. In actuality both of the Senator's offices have multiple aides so one can attend to phones, one to those in front him/her, etc.
We give our statements then we come together in a circle, sit down and lock arms. I thought, "This is cool." I never did the 60's sit-ins against the Vietnam War; I imagined this is "How it felt!" The staff is exasperated, calls the "office manager" who comes out and tries to get us to leave. She tells us that we have done what we could do, that we have presented our ideas to the staff and they would be given to the Senator. We stay in position, now reciting the names of dead Iraqis and American soldiers, each in turn. She calls ICE who comes and says, "You must leave or you will be arrested."
As I was support person, along with Nicole, we leave the circle. Obama's staff come to us "The Senator will meet with you next week." We return to the circle. Laurie is now "freaking out." I can't be arrested, what have I done? My husband will divorce me..." She is really good in the part. I tell her, "Laurie we have accomplished our goal the Senator will meet with us. "Laurie is too hysterical she doesn't respond. The rest of the protesters step in and began to "talk her down" and one escorts her out of the circle to where we stood. Jeff lays down. The security are saying, "We are going to let you spend the night if you wish. Come with us to the lavatory, then it will be locked." No one trusts her, no one moves. The role play ends.
Debrief:
Everyone appreciated Laurie's "going postal" everyone was surprised at Jeff's behavior. But we decided we handled the situation well. The behaviors were handled by Voices staff or persons more experienced then we "first timers" but that is how we learned.
-get between the person and the possible problem.
-escort the person away from the situation.
-don't trust the police/security. Jeff told the story of how during one action a number of years ago, the police/security lined up the twenty protesters in the office and said "Follow me." Jeff said, "Okay, we are being arrested." They obligingly follow, security leads them down the building out the front door then says, "Good bye" and locks the door behind them! Smart, very smart.
-when the police say "We are going to arrest if you don't leave now." Those who do not want to be arrested must leave then!
Won't go into the roles such as jail support, but be on the look out for the Occupation Project in your local Federal representative's office near you-actions will take place regularly until the vote on supplemental money for the Iraq war in very late September or early October. Contact Voices or the peace group in your local area if you would like to participate or support these actions until "we stop the Iraq war!"
Divorce:
These weekend days have been good ones yet in my mind often during the day, I thought "Dow is heading back from Jason and England. He will return today to Chicago. It will be three weeks and we will be back in front of the judge." My heart would sink and I would feel alone. I hope these days would quickly pass and the judge DOES show up on August 21. I have plenty to keep me busy, but I know that "feeling down" will be part of the grieving process. Even now there is part of my heart that wants Dow to come to consciousness, to connect with his feelings. My realistic self replies, "Katy you were with Dow 30 years, he never did. What makes you think Dow would now as he is so filled with anger-there is no room for anything else." Most of all I pray for peace for each of us-Dow, Jason, Lisa and myself-of mind, heart, soul and body.
We ate lunch at the Inspiration Cafe, a "training site" for folks who are learning to work in the food industry. The tables have linens and fresh flowers. The food is great but often the wait is long. Not quite sure the training process for cooks. I am always happy when the food finally arrives. I had a wonderful blueberry scone this morning. Very tasty. My friend had a quiche.
I headed home and washed dishes for the first time in a week. The sink was overflowing and the ants were busy marching in to check out the left overs. I really don't mind ants as long as I am not actively eating the food! I cleaned up and with some trepidation headed to St. Gertrude's and my first training in non-violence. This is training done to prepare one to act when one chooses to be arrested for civil disobedience.
I have no plans to actively seek arrest, but I do not know if and when it could occur. (With a divorce looming and financial picture unclear, I cannot be arrested at this time. I don't think my employer would look kindly on it.) Last year I was at a peace action at the Pentagon and an innocent young women was arrested because of misunderstanding and " very aggressive tactics" of the security men on duty. She did not understand what they were saying and they responded to her questions as belligerence and resisting arrest. This happened as she had just hugged her dad "goodbye" he works in the Pentagon -civilian and was on the side walk instead of the grass "in the free speech area." They really "manhandled her." So as a support person for those going to be arrested as part of the Occupation Project-2nd round this year, I must be prepared in case it does happen.
We arrived at one and I helped Laurie, from Voices for Creative Non-Violence located in Chicago ,set out the hospitality foods: fresh grapes and M&M's and iced tea. Ten participants and 3 trainers were present. Four of the 10 were the core leaders of a newly forming peace group on the SW side of Chicago-in Jesse Jackson II's district. Ranging from 35 to 65, one had protested against the Vietnam War and was ready to "go at it again." All were planning and willing to be arrested during this phase of OP.
We went over the statement of Non-Violence for the OP and the history of the project. We reviewed the legal charges which could be Federal or State or Local or a combination of them. We then did two role plays. They were both done "in the offices of a Senator."
1. The group came to the "office" and had appointed a spokesperson. She said, "We have a pledge to stop funding the war we want the Senator to sign. We will not leave until we meet with him." I was the office manager called out by the receptionist. I recited regulations and said, "You must leave or else I will call the security." They didn't, were "arrested" and taken into custody.
If you are arrested in the Federal Building, it is done two times. First ICE Immigration.... something, really Homeland Security folks take all your information. Then ICE turns you over to the Chicago Police who take you off and put you in a holding cell till whenever. At some point you go before a magistrate to get court date, etc. Usually CP lets you out in the middle of the night. They do let you go to the restroom, though. Laurie says, "I can tell white privilege, we are treated differently than persons of color." Probably because they think we can afford a lawyer and/or will go to the press as first response to any CP shenanigans.
2. Then it was my turn to be one of the protesters. This role play was filled with "the unexpected." We protesters wanted to experience a "person going to pieces emotionally." Laurie would do it, we wouldn't know when. The two folks who are the "Senator's office staff" plan separately so we didn't know what they would do. The two police plan separately so we didn't know their responses. We decided on a "sit in" We would make our demands, then sit down with arms locked and not move "till the Senator meets with us."
We came "into the office of Senator Obama" greeted by the intern behind the desk, they are all interns who said that the Senator was out and about. Our demand was that as Obama is now a presidential candidate we need him to take leadership of bringing this war to its quickest close. We each introduced ourselves while Jeff from Voices began to act belligerently "I want this_____ war to end" and trying to get behind the desk. One of the protesters from the Catholic Worker, who has been arrested many times, went to his side and kept him from the staff person. In the meantime we are still introducing ourselves and making personal statements to the aide as to why we are there. The phone "rings" the aide picks it up and begins to talk. I thought that was a great touch/response to our presence. In actuality both of the Senator's offices have multiple aides so one can attend to phones, one to those in front him/her, etc.
We give our statements then we come together in a circle, sit down and lock arms. I thought, "This is cool." I never did the 60's sit-ins against the Vietnam War; I imagined this is "How it felt!" The staff is exasperated, calls the "office manager" who comes out and tries to get us to leave. She tells us that we have done what we could do, that we have presented our ideas to the staff and they would be given to the Senator. We stay in position, now reciting the names of dead Iraqis and American soldiers, each in turn. She calls ICE who comes and says, "You must leave or you will be arrested."
As I was support person, along with Nicole, we leave the circle. Obama's staff come to us "The Senator will meet with you next week." We return to the circle. Laurie is now "freaking out." I can't be arrested, what have I done? My husband will divorce me..." She is really good in the part. I tell her, "Laurie we have accomplished our goal the Senator will meet with us. "Laurie is too hysterical she doesn't respond. The rest of the protesters step in and began to "talk her down" and one escorts her out of the circle to where we stood. Jeff lays down. The security are saying, "We are going to let you spend the night if you wish. Come with us to the lavatory, then it will be locked." No one trusts her, no one moves. The role play ends.
Debrief:
Everyone appreciated Laurie's "going postal" everyone was surprised at Jeff's behavior. But we decided we handled the situation well. The behaviors were handled by Voices staff or persons more experienced then we "first timers" but that is how we learned.
-get between the person and the possible problem.
-escort the person away from the situation.
-don't trust the police/security. Jeff told the story of how during one action a number of years ago, the police/security lined up the twenty protesters in the office and said "Follow me." Jeff said, "Okay, we are being arrested." They obligingly follow, security leads them down the building out the front door then says, "Good bye" and locks the door behind them! Smart, very smart.
-when the police say "We are going to arrest if you don't leave now." Those who do not want to be arrested must leave then!
Won't go into the roles such as jail support, but be on the look out for the Occupation Project in your local Federal representative's office near you-actions will take place regularly until the vote on supplemental money for the Iraq war in very late September or early October. Contact Voices or the peace group in your local area if you would like to participate or support these actions until "we stop the Iraq war!"
Divorce:
These weekend days have been good ones yet in my mind often during the day, I thought "Dow is heading back from Jason and England. He will return today to Chicago. It will be three weeks and we will be back in front of the judge." My heart would sink and I would feel alone. I hope these days would quickly pass and the judge DOES show up on August 21. I have plenty to keep me busy, but I know that "feeling down" will be part of the grieving process. Even now there is part of my heart that wants Dow to come to consciousness, to connect with his feelings. My realistic self replies, "Katy you were with Dow 30 years, he never did. What makes you think Dow would now as he is so filled with anger-there is no room for anything else." Most of all I pray for peace for each of us-Dow, Jason, Lisa and myself-of mind, heart, soul and body.
Saturday, August 4, 2007
A Day of Peacemaking
I had talked to my friend Linda and she reminded me that this weekend the Vietnam Veterans Against the War (VVAW) were holding a 40th anniversary weekend in Chicago. Of course, that was enough for me-set the unpacking for another day and off to Roosevelt College on Michigan Ave. across from Grant Park for a day of being with peacemakers! All with gray hair, a lot of pot bellies, some beards and a few women veterans who spoke up when the speakers would leave them out!
It was very good to hear the stories and to see them affirmed by the panel of Iraqi Veterans Against the War! (IVAW). The day included a panel of Peace Poets. Absolutely marvelous the book is "Winning Hearts and Minds" an anthology of the veterans own writing. They told the story of how they collected the money to self publish-not done often in the 60's. They gave credit "the women writers' were having to self publish, so we learned from their experience" Makes me feel good. (You may find used copies) Another poet gave me a CD of his work! no charge I had just thanked him for his contribution. It is a copy of a LA radio show interview. His name is Horace Coleman. Another VV told of writing his memoir entitled, I believe "A Hard Rain Falling," a Beatles song. I believe he said it was now being reprinted for the 8th time, he was happy to find it in the local Borders.
Of course the stories of the Iraqi vets tore at my heart and I cried during their presentation. I marvelled at their bravery and courage. I felt I had truly failed my own son so very seriously wounded in Iraq. I know when he asked me when he was home on R&R, "Do you want me to go to jail?" He was obviously thinking of not going back, instead of telling me what was in my heart, "Yes, let us work it out " I told him what I thought Jason wanted me to say, "No I don't want you in jail." My heart breaks for those words and ever will. I am guilty as charged. For the Iraqi vets told of how their mothers were against their going and acted on it! Writing letters, getting investigations, doing whatever they could. I did not, I was completely lost in depression and neurosis and anxiety. All I did was weep. I could take no action at all to save my son.
When Jason joined the Army, Dow had said as we argued and I wept, "This is a good decision he will learn leadership skills." I looked up out of my soul's pain, "Leadership? Jason will learn how to lead men to murder." And I wept and continue to weep, my grieving will never end. For his loss and for those Jason and his men killed and wounded and the Iraqi families destroyed for the American greed for oil to support our unsustainable lifestyle. Jason's life as political means for political ends. Iraqi lives. I commit to stand along side those who work to abolish war.
The Iraqi vets told stories:
1. A vet who said, "If I had not found IVAW, I would not be here, I would have committed suicide. And told the story of his PTSD. I cried as I listened to his suffering.
2. A Army vet a medic who began suffering from PTSD in Iraq because of the horrors of war. His duty included tending to Iraqis dead and injured because of our actions and car bombs, etc. He went AWOL for 16 months, has just been discharged with VA benefits. The army decided not to court martial him or reduce him in rank. Sen Obama supported him. The vet is from Chicago and I had met his mother at a MFSO meeting. (Military Families Speak Out)
3. the vet who is head of the Chicago chapter. He joined the guard for educational benefits, sent to Iraq, he returned in confusion. He has an art exhibit with his work at the Peace Museum in Chicago. He is an artist, now doing street art-Operation First Casualty. the Vets reenact actual patrols within cities and crowded places. The patrol shouts orders and re-live the stress they felt while on patrol in Iraq. But they believe the civilians here can feel what it must be like for the Iraqi people when our army is on patrol in Iraq. No weapons but in fatigues. They have done the street theater in NYC, LA, Chicago and in front of the White House.
4. A vet who was a history major studying the Vietnam War. He joined the military because "I knew I could be a more powerful spokesman for peace if I had combat experience." Served his time, got discharged and started to work against the war within a week. An excellent speaker, he most eloquently tied the wars together through the experience of men who have lived combat. I do not know how his family feels, but I was proud of this young man. His aunt was putting him down recently; "Stop this stuff and go to college" His mother told her, "Would you rather have him in school studying history or have him making history?" My heart sang "YES."
5. Two of the vets presented the strategies being developed by the IVAW to end the war including:
-get the supporters of the war voted out of Federal office
-develop chapters of IVAW on army bases
-They now have over 20 chapters and IVAW started in 2004.
I am so proud of these men and women of two generations who are living and working for and being peace. "Blessed are the peacemakers for they will be called the Children of God." I feel that if these veterans can forgive themselves for the acts of war and find healing, so I can forgive myself for failing as a woman in becoming silent and not speaking out against war within my own family. I seek healing and peace, too.
I am so energized that I feel well prepared to take Non-violence training for the first time tomorrow. I feel I won't do well but I will try to learn. I know that is all that is asked of me is "to act." It is sacred to live peacefully and to be peace in the world for others.
It was very good to hear the stories and to see them affirmed by the panel of Iraqi Veterans Against the War! (IVAW). The day included a panel of Peace Poets. Absolutely marvelous the book is "Winning Hearts and Minds" an anthology of the veterans own writing. They told the story of how they collected the money to self publish-not done often in the 60's. They gave credit "the women writers' were having to self publish, so we learned from their experience" Makes me feel good. (You may find used copies) Another poet gave me a CD of his work! no charge I had just thanked him for his contribution. It is a copy of a LA radio show interview. His name is Horace Coleman. Another VV told of writing his memoir entitled, I believe "A Hard Rain Falling," a Beatles song. I believe he said it was now being reprinted for the 8th time, he was happy to find it in the local Borders.
Of course the stories of the Iraqi vets tore at my heart and I cried during their presentation. I marvelled at their bravery and courage. I felt I had truly failed my own son so very seriously wounded in Iraq. I know when he asked me when he was home on R&R, "Do you want me to go to jail?" He was obviously thinking of not going back, instead of telling me what was in my heart, "Yes, let us work it out " I told him what I thought Jason wanted me to say, "No I don't want you in jail." My heart breaks for those words and ever will. I am guilty as charged. For the Iraqi vets told of how their mothers were against their going and acted on it! Writing letters, getting investigations, doing whatever they could. I did not, I was completely lost in depression and neurosis and anxiety. All I did was weep. I could take no action at all to save my son.
When Jason joined the Army, Dow had said as we argued and I wept, "This is a good decision he will learn leadership skills." I looked up out of my soul's pain, "Leadership? Jason will learn how to lead men to murder." And I wept and continue to weep, my grieving will never end. For his loss and for those Jason and his men killed and wounded and the Iraqi families destroyed for the American greed for oil to support our unsustainable lifestyle. Jason's life as political means for political ends. Iraqi lives. I commit to stand along side those who work to abolish war.
The Iraqi vets told stories:
1. A vet who said, "If I had not found IVAW, I would not be here, I would have committed suicide. And told the story of his PTSD. I cried as I listened to his suffering.
2. A Army vet a medic who began suffering from PTSD in Iraq because of the horrors of war. His duty included tending to Iraqis dead and injured because of our actions and car bombs, etc. He went AWOL for 16 months, has just been discharged with VA benefits. The army decided not to court martial him or reduce him in rank. Sen Obama supported him. The vet is from Chicago and I had met his mother at a MFSO meeting. (Military Families Speak Out)
3. the vet who is head of the Chicago chapter. He joined the guard for educational benefits, sent to Iraq, he returned in confusion. He has an art exhibit with his work at the Peace Museum in Chicago. He is an artist, now doing street art-Operation First Casualty. the Vets reenact actual patrols within cities and crowded places. The patrol shouts orders and re-live the stress they felt while on patrol in Iraq. But they believe the civilians here can feel what it must be like for the Iraqi people when our army is on patrol in Iraq. No weapons but in fatigues. They have done the street theater in NYC, LA, Chicago and in front of the White House.
4. A vet who was a history major studying the Vietnam War. He joined the military because "I knew I could be a more powerful spokesman for peace if I had combat experience." Served his time, got discharged and started to work against the war within a week. An excellent speaker, he most eloquently tied the wars together through the experience of men who have lived combat. I do not know how his family feels, but I was proud of this young man. His aunt was putting him down recently; "Stop this stuff and go to college" His mother told her, "Would you rather have him in school studying history or have him making history?" My heart sang "YES."
5. Two of the vets presented the strategies being developed by the IVAW to end the war including:
-get the supporters of the war voted out of Federal office
-develop chapters of IVAW on army bases
-They now have over 20 chapters and IVAW started in 2004.
I am so proud of these men and women of two generations who are living and working for and being peace. "Blessed are the peacemakers for they will be called the Children of God." I feel that if these veterans can forgive themselves for the acts of war and find healing, so I can forgive myself for failing as a woman in becoming silent and not speaking out against war within my own family. I seek healing and peace, too.
I am so energized that I feel well prepared to take Non-violence training for the first time tomorrow. I feel I won't do well but I will try to learn. I know that is all that is asked of me is "to act." It is sacred to live peacefully and to be peace in the world for others.
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