Today was rather "another kind of day."
My lawyer had called me last week.
"I want to ask for maintenance for you as it may be some time before the divorce is final."
is what I heard. He faxed me the form and I faxed it back.
Today I saw my therapist for the first time since March. Dr. C's and my calendar's hadn't coincided. I asked him "How do I de-link my thoughts from Dow and Jason?" As I find myself still referencing Dow especially as it comes to spending money. He controlled the finances and I have been used to not "getting for myself, but only for others." I have continued doing that during this period of separation. I have not spent money except on food and medical with some gifts for others.
Dr. Cwik, very intelligent and experienced Jungian analyst replied, "When you reference Dow/Jason, use the thought as a cue, " What am I feeling? my need? my want?" "What do I need/want to do?" Then of course "Do it."
When I got home, there was an email from Dow "I have closed the joint mastercard and the checking account on the advice of my lawyer." Dow copied her. "I will deposit a $1000 each month in your account." I thought "I asked the question "how to de-link?" and here is the financial delink. So now I feel even more foolish as Dow has used the credit card statement (he used a different card) to tell me, "This is enough for you to live on." As throughout my marriage to Dow, I sacrificed my wants to Dow's control and now it has continued.
So I went out and bought my grandson's some shorts/pants they needed. Decided I would use my money to buy a present for the boys. I can't stop, can I? I trust in the goodness of the universe especially for foolish ones like me.
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