The Wheel of Life Turns

I met Dow Scott in a class on Negotiations in the Fall of 1973. Seems oddly balanced that we end the relationship in negotiations, this time a property settlement of the assets acquired during the marriage. The question of financial division of assets is what is set before the judge. Without minor children involved this is the issue.

My lawyer said, "The judge looks at fairness which does not mean equal." Because we had been married for 31 years and Dow's salary is over 4 times mine which as a part-time hospice chaplain is not too much, the issue of fairness takes a different shape. I have no benefits except accrued paid time off. COBRA health care will cost $400 a month. Any maintenance dollars awarded to me are pre-tax dollars for Dow and I must pay the taxes on it. Therefore any allotment is reduced by at least 24% before I use the remaining to live on. I am not planning on living "high on the hog."

I remember more than once asking Dow if I should take a particular position. Dow always said "no" he wanted to be able to focus on his career goals. Now I would think he would make a different decision. If I had my own retirement, etc his financial liability would be much less. I assume if Dow dates again, the first question he will ask is, "How much do you have in your 401(k)?" Very sadly I came to understand that finances is the mechanism of control and the way Dow relates to others and the world around him. I have always found it striking that his area of expertise is compensation and incentive programs.