Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Interview Chicago Tribune May 28, 2007




Dawn Turner Trice

Symbols bring toll of Iraq war closer to home

Published May 28, 2007

When telling the story of the Iraq war's death toll, visuals often can help us wrap our minds around it.

In January 2004, nearly a year after the war started, the Chicago-based American Friends Service Committee set up a display of more than 500 pairs of combat boots in Federal Plaza. That was one pair of boots for every U.S. soldier who had been killed so far in the Iraq war.

A few months later, a northwest suburban Barrington man created his own display. By September 2004, he had planted about 1,030 American flags in front of his downtown Barrington business to represent the number of soldiers who had died in the war. I was there for a Sunday anti-war march through town.

Since then, groups around the city and the country have found other symbolic ways to show this growing membership into this dreadful club. They've planted crosses in the sand along beaches. They've lit candles. They've erected walls with the names of fallen soldiers, as well as the names of a fraction of the Iraqi civilian dead.

On Thursday, in time for Memorial Day weekend, American Friends set up yet another display using combat boots. (Since 2004, the display has traveled the country.) But this time, on its return trip to Chicago, there was not enough room in the plaza. So they turned to Grant Park, arranging more than 3,450 pairs -- with new boots being added over the weekend -- tagged with the names of servicemen and servicewomen.

We need the visuals. We need to see this. Especially since we don't get to see the flag-draped coffins returning home. The visuals help those of us who don't have a relative or a friend serving in Iraq or Afghanistan get a real feel for the numbers.

But there are some people who don't need such help. People such as North Sider Katy Scott, a hospice chaplain and longtime peace activist. Scott's son joined the Army in 2002, two years after graduating from Loyola University. She was passionate about him not joining, but she couldn't talk him out of it.

She began giving lectures about the insanity of this war and ministering to parents who had lost their sons and daughters in Iraq. She pulled out her Vietnam War beads and joined the anti-war demonstrations around the city, including the protest that accompanied the first set of boots placed out in Federal Plaza.

Her son went to Iraq in January 2005. He was injured on Oct. 14, 2005, in a roadside bombing near Samara. He returned to the States minus his right arm below the elbow; minus the sight in his right eye; and with myriad other injuries that kept him hospitalized at Walter Reed Army Medical Center for a year and three weeks. His mother was by his bedside for about eight months.

"To me America treats this as a football game," Scott told me a couple of days before she spoke at a weekend ceremony in Grant Park amid the boots.

"It started out rah, rah, rah ... but now the team is not winning. I think a lot of America has turned their backs on 'a losing team' and they don't want to deal with it -- the wounded, the dead. They think: 'I just want to go to my barbecue. I don't want to deal with the reality.'"

She said that when we talk about the costs of war, there are many different costs that are harder to quantify.

Now she and her son are estranged, she said, because he doesn't believe she can support him and speak out against the war.

"None of this is counted in the overall toll," Scott said. "It's all couched in terms of patriotic sacrifice. But this is actually grinding up another generation of men and women."

In the meantime, the toll continues to rise. We can count the number of dead and wounded, but there's so much more about the toll of war that defies quantifying.

"As a hospice chaplain, I see suffering from disease and old age every day," Scott said. "The one thing I know is that life is precious and should never be taken in war."

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dtrice@tribune.com

Tuesday the 29th of May

I was finally able to attend the Tuesday morning Peace Vigil. We started the vigil the Tuesday after 9/11 because we knew that President Bush would use the horrific act as an excuse to go after control of the Middle East oil. This morning there were about 10 of us, most from around the city, some from the 8th Day Center for Justice in Chicago. I was on a corner with Sr. Mary Kay a Franciscan about 70 years old. She has spent 6 months in Federal prison for protesting the SOA. Anyway, there are 4 corners to Federal Plaza. One person will give out flyers and one person will hold a sign proclaiming peace. I had to go up to the Senators' offices as we give both Durban and Obama's office 2 copies of the flyer of the week.

While Pam a "Grandmother for Peace" like myself and I were gone, a man came up to Sr. Mary Kay and got really, really close to her. She waited, looked down and he was giving her the finger. That is the attitude of those who support this war. We have been spit on, called "moron or stupid" or worse. We stand every Tuesday from 8-9 AM. You can understand why Cindy Sheehan retired today. She is an eloquent spokeswoman to stop the war, but I know she had major surgery last year and Cindy needs to rest. She received many death threats during her time as "woman for peace."

I came home and headed to the condo to continue packing up my office. I boxed up and weeded out and had 5 boxes of used books to give to a small Christian independent book seller who is trying to keep his store open. I feel for him. I thought I would rather help Phil stay open than to get a tax deduction. He is trying to get the "on the web" thing going. Need to buy some books, ask me for his information and keep an small business owner in business.

After I needed to "do garden therapy." It is the time to plant annuals here in the Midwest so today it was purple petunias in front and marigolds in back. I hope that they will do well, only time will tell. It is so good to be planting and tending the earth, the time flew and it was 7:30 before I knew it.

Monday, May 28, 2007

Memorial Day Monday May 28, 2007

I had planned to be up and exercise, do some household chores and head down to the Eyes Wide Open Exhibit at noon for the closing ceremony. Then I would be one of the volunteers to help dismantle this last full exhibit of the boots of our fallen soldiers in combat. I awoke about 7:30 but could not get up out of bed. I thought, "The blessings of being single. I can take my time and spend the day as it unfolds." I ate breakfast, paid some bills, thought about laundry, said, "No" and headed down to Grant Park and "Eyes Wide Open."

The day was bright and warm in Chicago and there were many persons walking through the boots, pausing to read the personal notes and look at the mementos left by families and friends with the some of the boots. The gentleman who travelled at least once with the boots for 93 days during these last 3 years spoke of the power of the exhibit and gave two examples.

A woman was done with shopping at the market in NYC, her arms were loaded with bags filled with groceries. She was not looking at where she was. She was crossing the boots in the square laid out in their familiar pattern. She became concerned when she realized where she was "amongst the boots." Looking down she saw her own son's boots at her side.

Another mother was crossing a busy square. She heard names being read. She heard her son's name being read. She looked down and she was standing next to his boots.

For a Jungian like myself, these are instances of synchronicity. Important, meaningful events that occur unplanned and over which we have no control. You may call it God, the power of the human mind, the unconsciousness. For me it points to the reality under girding and connecting all of life. Those alive and those who have died.

We heard again from the young man from Iraq challenging us to become involved in the political process at the state level, with each Congressperson. To develop relationships with State officials especially around health care and services for soldiers and their families. I sent him my bio for peace and stated "if the presence of a soldier's mom would help" please contact me.

As a symbol of the separation of the boots. A short biography of the first casualty from each state was read and his/her boots were given to a volunteer. Some were drivers who would take all the boots from the state back to a peace group or Friend's meeting to care for the exhibit.

Then the time came. About 40 of us had volunteered. The taking down and packing away would take us about a total of 3 hours. First from each state the boots with personal items were set beside the bins and boxes that lined the drive into the park. They states were placed in alphabetical order. Then we were broken down into 8 teams with specific instructions for each state. As the boots will be re-tagged we picked up the specific number of boots, not worrying about the state. I worked with Sue and Rachel from Codepink Chicago. And with Lisa the wife of a friend from Call to Action and her daughter. Sue and I were to fill a bin with 15 pairs of regulation army boots. It as extremely heavy, my heart stopped, I thought "This is the weight of a dead body" taking two of us to do the carrying to its place. "We are carrying soldiers" was my feeling. It became a tender "tending of the dead" for me. All of symbol but heavy with the meaning of loss of life and suffering due to war.

We tenderly packed the boots from Alabama, Montana, Oklahoma, Mississippi, Utah and Colorado. The largest, President Bush's own state of Texas. Where was he? This President that forbids America to see its fallen soldiers come home? This President who refused to answer Cindy Sheehan's question outside his ranch in Crawford, "Why did my son Casey have to die?" We talked of having Bush's daughters serve in Iraq. We saluted Molly Ivins from Austin Texas and her "speaking truth to power."

Thank you American Friends Service Committee especially Mike McConnell the Regional director who proposed the exhibit in 2003.

The three days of the final complete exhibit of Eyes Wide Open are gone on the winds of time. I could not imagine being anywhere else than with the boots of our fallen soldiers to "Honor the dead, Heal the wounded, End the war." I thought "If I were still married, I would be at a BBQ or somewhere socializing." I cannot do that anymore. Amongst the Peacemakers is my place, doing the work of peace is my life for as long as God gives me. I am thankful this Memorial Day for my life and pray that my son Captain Jason Scott, medically retired had a good day with friends in the Florida sunshine. As always, I hold him and Jodi in my heart.

Coming back to the apartment, I knew I had to "give therapy to myself." I had purchased some flats of annuals for around the apartment foundation planting. I spent an hour planting and listening to the birds sing evensong. So beautiful a prayer of thanksgiving for the day from creation. May our soldiers be at eternal rest and their families find comfort. Blessings to each of you this Memorial Day and for the rest of the summer.

Speech on Saturday May 26, 2007 "Eyes Wide Open"

My name is Katy Scott and I am very honored to be a part of Chicago’s Memorial Day Observances and to speak at the final full exhibit of “Eyes Wide Open”

I have walked among the boots of our combat deaths in Chicago, Milwaukee, on the Mall in Washington DC at this time last year, and now today with you in Chicago. Chicago was the original site for Eyes Wide Open and now is the final site for the complete display.

Last May I was completing my 8 months at Walter Reed with my son Capt. Jason Scott who had been injured in Iraq October 2005. Jason was medically retired from the US Army in Nov of 2006 after a year and three weeks at WR. He now resides in Florida with Jodi his very courageous and loving girlfriend.

In May 2006 I attended the burial of Alex, only child and son of another MFSO mother at Arlington. Gilda lovingly attended to Jason in those first critical weeks at WR when he needed someone at his side 24/7.

On this weekend a year ago
I attended the memorial for Ken,
friend of Jason’s from Tank Commander school
who had been killed in Iraq in 2004 and
whose mother holds a memorial service for him each year on memorial day.
She says,” there is no other place I want or could be each Memorial Day”
except with her son, her only child, at his Arlington grave site.

I have been a member of Military Families Speak Out since Jason joined the
Army in 2002. MFSO has asked me to speak on taking care of our soldiers after they return to the US. I cannot describe the extent of our soldiers' needs adequately. I will read a poem that challenges our hearts and souls.

WHY I FIGHT FOR PEACE by Cloy Richards USMC

Because I can't forget no matter how hard I try.
They told us we were taking out advancing Iraqi forces,
But when we went to check out the bodies
they were nothing but women and children

desperately fleeing their homes because
they wanted to get out of the city
before we attacked in the morning.

Because my little brother, who is my job to protect,

decided to join the California National Guard
to get some money for college and
they promised he wouldn't go to Iraq.
instead three months after enlisting
he was sent to Iraq for one year.

Since he has been home for the last six months,
he refuses to talk to anyone, he lives by himself.
the only person he associates with is a friend of his,
the one other man out of his squad of thirteen men
who made it home alive.

He called me a few weeks ago for the first time
And told me he's having nightmares.
I asked what they were about and
He said they're about picking up the pieces
Of his fellow soldiers after a car bomb hit them.

Because every single one of the Marines I served with,
the really brave warriors, even when some friends and people
they looked up to got killed or lost an arm or leg,
they wouldn't cry, they just kept fighting.
They completed their mission.

Every one of them I have spoken to since we got home
has broken down crying in front of me,
saying all they can do since they got back
is bounce from job to job, drink and do drugs,
And contemplate suicide to end the pain.

Because I'm tired of drinking, bouncing from job to job
and contemplating suicide to end the pain.
Because every time I see a child,
I think of the thousands I've slaughtered.
Because every time I see a young soldier,
I think of the thousands Bush has slaughtered.

Because every time I look in the mirror
I see a casualty of the war.
Because I have a lot of lives I have to make up for,
the lives I have taken and
Because it's right.
That's why I fight.
Because of soldiers with wounds you can't see.

Our soldiers are crying out . Their lives are in our hands. We the American people are responsible for unimaginable, unending suffering. We must ask forgiveness from our soldiers and do the work of healing and reconciliation with our brothers and sisters. They have returned to us from the Killing Fields of Iraq and Afghanistan.With our soldiers coming home wounded in their minds and souls, the Killing Fields are now here in Chicago and across America in towns large and small.

Take action, say “No” to the carnage and suffering caused by war.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Memorial Day Weekend Sunday 2007

I worshiped with my community this morning and learned that at the Eyes Wide Open Exhibit this afternoon an ecumenical service for peace would be held.


Sorry I tried to get the boots, got this blue and can't get rid of it.





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I spent a couple of hours at the condo packing up my office, really throwing papers away today. Dow wants me out of the condo by June 10, Lisa's birthday. I thought "That is a weird day to choose." My lawyer asked, "What is June 10?" I said, "My daughter's birthday." He asked me about 5 times, I was getting somewhat annoyed. I think he was trying to get me to say his answer: "It has no basis in any thing connected to the divorce process." I don't have to be out prior to the divorce being final and that will definitely not be by June 10 as they meet with the judge June 5. The way the lawyer is talking it is going to take some time now. He was going to call Dow's lawyer and try to find out if we met with Dow and his lawyer if progress could be made on a settlement. He also stated that he would like Dow to begin making maintenance payments as I have been paying for the apartment since 1/1/07 and am now living here. He was talking about strategy for the divorce. I honestly don't see any strategy as I think it all depends on what the judge will tell us.

Dow is visiting a friend that now lives in Mississippi. He was Dow's first PHD graduate student at Virginia Tech and they are the same age. He will be in Mississippi till Thursday. I was planning to clean out the office but that is not going to happen as I have been spending time with Eyes Wide Open. Tomorrow I will attend the closing service and then help break down the exhibit into the 50 states. They have groups in 45 states that will accept the boots and be their caretakers.

A couple of the condo neighbors stopped me as I was carrying items to the car to say, "We are sorry we are loosing you. You were a nice neighbor." I responded, "Thank you" that is all I can say. Our 6 flat will now have 4 apartments owned by single men (2 divorced), the other has 3 of the original owners.

I quit packing and headed downtown to attend the service. A Jewish rabbi, a Baptist minister, Kathy Kelly, Voices for Creative Non-Violence(nominated by the American Friends for the Nobel Peace Prize), a Buddhist (American don't think he was a monk), Mike McConnell who initiated the exhibit was MC. The most poignant part of the service was after we added 7 more pairs of boots to the exhibit, 3452 soldiers have now died in Iraq and the count grows on.

Kathy Kelly and two others singers began to sing the names of Iraqi civilians who have died. We responded, "We remember" While they were singing anyone who wanted to could come to a bucket of red carnations and take one to the Dreams and Nightmares photo exhibit in the center of the boots. On the outside are photos of Iraqis, in the insides what is happening statistically in Iraq and what it would be like if the USA was Iraq-comparison in size and numbers of those affected. Around the base of Dreams and Nightmares are shoes with names and identification of Iraqis who have been killed in this occupation.

We laid the carnations gently on the shoes of children, men and women. I laid one down and begin to cry, I returned for another carnation and began the solemn procession once again. This time I really broke down. One of the 8th day Center's Tuesday vigil regulars saw me and came to me as I was returning. She hugged me as I continued to cry "I have to hold them all-all those whom Jason and his men killed." I cry as I type this, my heart breaks for the innocent civilians of Iraq, first Saddam then us.

Jason left for Iraq out of Ft. Stewart Georgia in January 2005. I stayed in denial, Jason would not enter into combat. In June of 2005, I wrote this poem after an article by an embedded reporter with the San Francisco Chronicle told of Jason giving the order to fire after his Humvee was cut off by a pick up truck.

A POEM of SORROW
A mother waits

A messenger comes to her door.

The sun stops in its course across the sky

And plunges her world into night.

Sorrow so deep

Her wail so strong

It broke my heart

Here in Chicago this day.

Joined together forever are we

One son gave an order

One son died

We are one in our tears.

“I am sorry our cultures say, “War is the answer.”

“I am sorry my son says, “Fire”

I hold your son in my arms

And pray for your healing

And may the world be reconciled

To understand we are one.

John Hopkins did a door to door survey in 2006, now over 650,000 Iraqis have died since the occupation began. American soldiers die at the rate of 100 a month, 3 a day. Iraqi suffers the loss in human life of our 9/11/01 every month.

Ann Wright who gave up her Ambassadorship to Afghanistan to protest the war wrote this after the vote last week which gave Bush more money for more loss of life. Ann was a career military officer before her appointment.

What Congress Really Approved: Benchmark No. 1: Privatizing Iraq's Oil for US Companies
By Ann Wright
t r u t h o u t | Guest Contributor

Saturday 26 May 2007

On Thursday, May 24, the US Congress voted to continue the war in Iraq. The members called it "supporting the troops." I call it stealing Iraq's oil - the second largest reserves in the world. The "benchmark," or goal, the Bush administration has been working on furiously since the US invaded Iraq is privatization of Iraq's oil. Now they have Congress blackmailing the Iraqi Parliament and the Iraqi people: no privatization of Iraqi oil, no reconstruction funds.

This threat could not be clearer. If the Iraqi Parliament refuses to pass the privatization legislation, Congress will withhold US reconstruction funds that were promised to the Iraqis to rebuild what the United States has destroyed there. The privatization law, written by American oil company consultants hired by the Bush administration, would leave control with the Iraq National Oil Company for only 17 of the 80 known oil fields. The remainder (two-thirds) of known oil fields, and all yet undiscovered ones, would be up for grabs by the private oil companies of the world (but guess how many would go to United States firms - given to them by the compliant Iraqi government.)

No other nation in the Middle East has privatized its oil. Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, Bahrain and Iran give only limited usage contracts to international oil companies for one or two years. The $12 billion dollar "Support the Troops" legislation passed by Congress requires Iraq, in order to get reconstruction funds from the United States, to privatize its oil resources and put them up for long term (20- to 30-year) contracts.

What does this "Support the Troops" legislation mean for the United States military? Supporting our troops has nothing to do with this bill, other than keeping them there for another 30 years to protect US oil interests. It means that every military service member will need Arabic language training. It means that every soldier and Marine would spend most of his or her career in Iraq. It means that the fourteen permanent bases will get new Taco Bells and Burger Kings! Why? Because the US military will be protecting the US corporate oilfields leased to US companies by the compliant Iraqi government. Our troops will be the guardians of US corporate interests in Iraq for the life of the contracts - for the next thirty years.

With the Bush administration's "Support the Troops" bill and its benchmarks, primarily Benchmark No. 1, we finally have the reason for the US invasion of Iraq: to get easily accessible, cheap, high-grade Iraq oil for US corporations.

Now the choice is for US military personnel and their families to decide whether they want their loved ones to be physically and emotionally injured to protect not our national security, but the financial security of the biggest corporate barons left in our country - the oil companies.

It's a choice for only our military families, because most non-military Americans do not really care whether our volunteer military spends its time protecting corporate oil to fuel our one-person cars. Of course, when a tornado, hurricane, flood or other natural disaster hits in our hometown, we want our National Guard unit back. But on a normal day, who remembers the 180,000 US military or the 150,000 US private contractors in Iraq?

Since the "Surge" began in January, over 500 Americans and 15,000 Iraqis have been killed. By the time September 2007 rolls around for the administration's review of the "surge" plan, another 400 Americans will be dead, as well as another 12,000 Iraqis.

How much more can our military and their families take?


Ann Wright served 29 years in the US Army and US Army Reserves and retired as a colonel. She served 16 years in the US diplomatic corps in Nicaragua, Grenada, Somalia, Uzbekistan, Kyrgyzstan, Sierra Leone, Afghanistan, Micronesia and Mongolia. She resigned from the US Department of State in March, 2003 in opposition to the war on Iraq.














Saturday, May 26, 2007

Saturday of Memorial Day Weekend 2007

Chicago is the home of the exhibit "Eyes Wide Open" for this Memorial Day weekend. It was created and is maintained by the American Friends Service Committee. It was started here 4 years ago; a pair of boots for every soldier who has died in Iraq. A uniform of one of the soldiers who committed suicide after he returned home. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is epidemic-approximately 60% of soldiers have PTSD on returning from Iraq. You get PTSD because "you are success" "war has not destroyed your humanity" from a story told today by a RN who works to heal the wounded soldiers with PTSD as they return from Iraq.

Here is my speech, given on behalf of Military Families Speak Out (MFSO)
It was raining gently so I began:
It is good that it is raining. For even the skies are weeping with sorrow over the loss of life to war. Each rain drop, a tear of our grief for the death caused by war. For sons and daughters who will never return to us. For their goodness lost to the world.

My name is Katy Scott and I am very honored to be a part of Chicago’s Memorial Day Observances and to speak at the final full exhibit of “Eyes Wide Open” I have walked among the boots of our combat deaths in Chicago, Milwaukee, on the Mall in Washington DC at this time last year, and now today with you in Chicago.

Last May I was completing my 8 months at Walter Reed with my son Capt. Jason Scott who had been injured in Iraq October 2005. Jason was medically retired from the US Army in Nov of 2006 after a year and three weeks at Walter Reed. He now resides in Florida with Jodi his very courageous and loving girlfriend.

In early May 2006 while at WR I attended the burial of Alex, only child and son of another MFSO mother at Arlington National Cemetery. She had lovingly attended to Jason in those critical first weeks at WR when he needed someone at his bedside 24/7 and the hospital refused to provide one on one care.

On this weekend a year ago I attended the memorial of Ken, friend of Jason’s from Tank Commander school who had been killed in Iraq in 2004 and whose mother holds a memorial for him each year on memorial day. Another MFSO mother she says, ”There is no other place I want or could be each Memorial Day”except with her only son and child at his Arlington grave.

I have been a member of Military Families Speak Out since Jason joined the
Army in 2002. MFSO has asked me to speak on taking care of our soldiers after they return to the US

I prefer to have the soldiers speak of their truth so I want to read a reflection written by a US Marine.

WHY I FIGHT FOR PEACE
by Cloy Richards USMC

Because I can't forget no matter how hard I try.
They told us we were taking out advancing Iraqi forces,
But when we went to check out the bodies
they were nothing but women and children

desperately fleeing their homes because
they wanted to get out of the city
before we attacked in the morning.

Because my little brother, who is my job to protect,

decided to join the California National Guard
to get some money for college and
they promised he wouldn't go to Iraq.
instead three months after enlisting
he was sent to Iraq for one year.

Since he has been home for the last six months,
he refuses to talk to anyone, he lives by himself.
the only person he associates with is a friend of his,
the one other man out of his squad of thirteen men
who made it home alive.

He called me a few weeks ago for the first time
And told me he's having nightmares.
I asked what they were about and
He said they're about picking up the pieces
Of his fellow soldiers after a car bomb hit them.

Because every single one of the Marines I served with,
the really brave warriors, even when some friends and people
they looked up to got killed or lost an arm or leg,
they wouldn't cry, they just kept fighting.
They completed their mission.

Every one of them I have spoken to since we got home
has broken down crying in front of me,
saying all they can do since they got back
is bounce from job to job, drink and do drugs,
And contemplate suicide to end the pain.

Because I'm tired of drinking, bouncing from job to job
and contemplating suicide to end the pain.
Because every time I see a child,
I think of the thousands I've slaughtered.
Because every time I see a young soldier,
I think of the thousands Bush has slaughtered.

Because every time I look in the mirror
I see a casualty of the war.
Because I have a lot of lives I have to make up for,
the lives I have taken and
Because it's right.
That's why I fight.
Because of soldiers with wounds you can't see.

Our soldiers are crying out. Their lives are in our hands. We the American people are responsible for the unimaginable unending suffering in our soldiers and their families.

We must ask forgiveness and do the work of reconciliation and healing with our brothers and sisters who have returned to us from the Killing Fields of Iraq and Afghanistan. With our soldiers returning home the Killing Fields are now in Chicago and in cities and towns across America. Where ever our wounded soldiers are crying for healing for what they did in Iraq in our name for our country's political ends.

Let us bring our troops home NOW, End the War
Let us take care of our soldiers and their families when they come home.
Take action, it is our responsibility.
_________________________________________
The sharing was wonderful. We had two families share the story of their sons' suicides after returning to the States. They had killed women and children, suffering from PTSD unable to get the care from the VA system. We heard an Iraqi vet suffering from PTSD who fled to Canada, turned himself in, and is not eligible for VA benefits because he was "discharged other than honorable." This soldier was awarded two purple hearts for his injuries in Iraq. His mother has suffered 3 mental breakdown periods since his coming home in 2004. He is also suffering from "Gulf War syndrome" rashes, severe stomach problems, unable to sleep for days on end. He tells his mother, "Mom don't worry it will end. I know I have maybe 20 years, no more." Each person shared, mothers and fathers and brothers. Each sharing the suffering of the depths of their being, my heart broke. I held them all in my heart and will hold each one.

After I walked through the 3445 pairs of boots layed out on the grass of Grant Park under the trees, under gray skies. I will return on Monday to help dismantle and pack away the boots for their trips to the individual states. I took pictures of Alex and Ken's boots. Their mothers as have other families have added notes and pictures to the boots, to share a small portion of the story. One pair had a teddy bear, another patches from his uniform.

At 5 we reconvened to Grace Place a community center by the Episcopal Church in the loop, home of the Chicago AFSC. for a wonderful dinner of pizza and salad. We were also filmed by a crew for a documentary on the work of the Friends over the last 90 years.

We pondered "How to best get the American to take action against this war?" How can we serve the soldiers returning? We considered the Congress hopeless, we are committed to voting them out of office. Much was given to working at the State level especially to increase services to the soldiers with PTSD. The parents of two dead soldiers wanted to walk amongst the boots one more time, they leave tomorrow. Our dinner discussion broke up, a final picture taken and we blessed each other with our "Goodbyes"

I feel so alive when with others who have suffered directly because of this war. It is true we have a unique life experience that most Americans do not share and are afraid to recognize in us and to join with us as we seek healing.

It is a call that I have answered to be peace amongst the wounds of war. We will never leave the combat zone of Iraq. We can choose to live in bitterness or to live in hope and with a vision of healing, peace and justice for the world. I can not think of a better way to live my life until God calls me home to rest for all eternity.

May God bless each soldier who has served. May each of you honor those who have served. May we all work and pray to end war forever as a means to political ends.

Mother's Day 2007

I am writing this two weeks later as I have been so busy, I have not had time to write.
I was asked to preside at the Roman Catholic faith community where I have worshiped for 10 years since coming to Chicago.

I asked everyone to bring a photo or a memento from a person who had "mothered you" Our liturgy starts at 9:15 and is to end by 10:30 because the Lutheran's must have the space for their service at 11. the sharing of the love given was so "filled with the Word of God" that at 10:20 I looked at my watch for the first time and thought "oh we are in trouble." We blessed the bread and wine and left with the joy of the stories to fill our hearts the rest of the day. I want to list for you the "qualities of love from mothers" created by my community during the service. For me theologically, these are the feminine characteristics of God:

Humor, patience, unconditional love, nurturing, cares to the point of worrying for me, blessed, availability, untiring, listening, boundaries, crying, wisdom, good food, clean house, empowering, courage, counselor, strength, creative in meeting, challenges faced and overcome.

I will let you sit with these characteristics and ponder the feminine of God, the Mother God you know. I am sure you can add other qualities.

After a friend and I, "Thank you Terri for the suggestion," picked up excellent carry out food and sat at her dining room table which overlooks Lake Michigan across Loyola Park. We enjoyed the sun on the blue water from the warmth of her apartment. It was sunny and bright and cool.

After our lunch and the busy morning, I returned to my apartment and felt "loneliness" my children and grandchildren in Florida. Lisa my daughter had sent roses in both her and Jason's names. I thought, "I am feeling hurt inside, I need to nurture life." I went to a garden shop near us and bought annuals. I spent the afternoon potting plants, not many in number but the red geraniums, impatience, and petunias lifted my heart and spirits. They sit on my front steps and on the small back porch. I bought one tomato plant and put it in the largest pot I have. I will see how it grows.

Before long the day was done and looking back it was a good day for my first Mother's Day alone. I remembered each of my children as babies and how I loved them then, and how I hold them in my heart and prayers now as adults. Being a mother never changes, my daughter with her own children and my son an injured warrior starting life anew. Each life precious; each life a miracle of God's creation. May they continue to "bloom where they are planted" all of their lives, in peace and happiness.

Mother's Day 2007

I am writing this two weeks later as I have been so busy, I have not had time to write.
I was asked to preside at the Roman Catholic faith community where I have worshiped for 10 years since coming to Chicago.

I asked everyone to bring a photo or a memento from a person who had "mothered you" Our liturgy starts at 9:15 and is to end by 10:30 because the Lutheran's must have the space for their service at 11. the sharing of the love given was so "filled with the Word of God" that at 10:20 I looked at my watch for the first time and thought "oh we are in trouble." We blessed the bread and wine and left with the joy of the stories to fill our hearts the rest of the day. I want to list for you the "qualities of love from mothers" For me theologically, the feminine characteristics of God:

Humor, patience, unconditional love, nurturing, cares to the point of worrying for me, blessed, availability, untiring, listening, boundaries, crying, wisdom, good food, clean house, empowering, courage, counselor, strength, creative in meeting, challenges faced and overcome.

I will let you sit with these characteristics and ponder the feminine of God, the Mother God you know.

After a friend and I, "Thank you Terri for the suggestion," picked up excellent carry out food and sat at her dining room table which overlooks Lake Michigan across Loyola Park. We enjoyed the sun on the blue water from the warmth of her apartment. It was sunny and bright and cool.

After I returned to my apartment and felt "loneliness" my children and grandchildren in Florida. Lisa my daughter had sent roses in both her and Jason's names. I thought, "I am feeling hurt inside, I need to nurture life." I went to a garden shop near us and bought annuals. I spent the afternoon potting plants, not many in number but the red geraniums, impatience, and petunias lifted my heart and spirits. They sit on my front steps and on the small back porch. I bought one tomato plant and put it in the largest pot I have. I will see how it grows.

Before long the day was done and looking back it was a good day for my first Mother's Day alone. I remembered each of my children as babies and how I loved them then, and how I hold them in my heart and prayers now as adults. Being a mother never changes, my daughter with her own children and my son the injured warrior starting life anew. Each life precious; each life a miracle of God's creation. May they continue to "bloom where they are planted" all of their lives, in peace and happiness.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

First Time Ill as a Single Woman Alone

I have a position as a hospice chaplain three days a week. This ministry involves visiting the dying in their homes, nursing homes and hospitals. So even though I do not have paid sick leave, I know that when I get ill I must stay home.

Monday I felt chills in the evening. Tuesday morning I awoke with diarrhea like I have never had. It was horrible both Tuesday and Wednesday. Less today but I did not want to work until the stool is firm. I called the MD once again who said, "Pepto Bismol and Gatorade. This is the best prescription."

So I have been able to take the paper off the floor between my bed and the bathroom, but I am still housebound. I have to get better before next Tuesday as I am to fly to DC for the premier of "Fighting for Life" a documentary in which Jason and I are interviewed while we were at Walter Reed.

I feel good enough to begin unpacking which is a nightmare. I, on a good day, am totally unorganized. This is chaos laid out on the floor, in and out of boxes. Like my life, chaos in and out of marriage. Chaos emotionally during marriage; now in a new emotional place unfamiliar with its possibilities. Unfamiliar for the first time I am permitted to put myself-my needs first. I have never honestly done that my whole life especially in my marriage. It was always "What does Dow want?" over the needs of my own feelings or the needs of my children and their feelings. Now I am accountable to no one but myself. I now stand alone in the winds of time with my Godde.

I once had a dream image of standing on a grassy plain with blue sky above. I was dressed in the robes of Jesuit priest, a tree to the left of me, I was looking ahead into the future. The wind was blowing my robes and cape. (They wear a black cape, at least they used to in the pictures I saw.) That is how I feel now. In my priesthood, standing in the winds of eternity, my future before me.

Sunday, May 6, 2007

Going to hear the Dalai Llama of Tibet

Chicago Millennium Park

pritzker pavilion millennium parkFirst planned in 1997 as a way to create new parkland in Grant Park and transform unsightly railroad tracks and parking lots, Millennium Park has evolved into the most significant millennium project in the world. And the reviews are already in. "Millennium Park," says one prominent civic leader, "will be a worthy creation for all time. It will define Chicago to the entire world as America’s greatest city."

Located in downtown Chicago on Michigan Avenue between Randolph and Monroe Streets, the 24.5-acre park is an unprecedented center for world-class art, music, architecture and landscape design, where you can experience everything from interactive public art and ice skating to al fresco dining and free classical music presentations by the Grant Park Orchestra and Chorus. Among the park’s prominent features is the dazzling Jay Pritzker Pavilion, the most sophisticated outdoor concert venue of its kind in the United States, designed by Frank Gehry, one of the world’s greatest living architects.

Jay Pritzker Pavilion
The pavilion stands 120-feet high, with a billowing "headdress" of stainless steel ribbons that frame the proscenium opening, connecting to an overhead trellis of crisscrossing steel pipes that define the lawn seating area. The Pavilion has 4,000 fixed seats and capacity for an additional 7,000 people on the lawn. With its open-air "acoustical canopy", the Jay Pritzker Pavilion is among the most technologically advanced outdoor concert venues in the world, with digital innovations and enhanced sound, designed to create an acoustical environment that provides an unforgettable listening experience. More info...

I didn't think I would be able to get the photo in the blog but here it is! thanks to the Chicago web page. The Dalai Llama sat under the shell. From where I sat he was sitting in the meditation position. Some people sat the same on their blankets. 10,000 people gathered at 1PM today to hear the teaching of the 14th Dalai Llama of Tibet. I went with three new friends from Chicago. We travelled by L train, picked up our lunch from the Corner Bakery-good half sandwich and soup and headed toward Millenium Park. The weather was perfect, mixed sun and clouds and in the 60's. I arrived at our "lawn seats" with the lunch just as the Dalai Llama was being introduced by Mayor Dailey. We ate lunch and then laid back on the ground to rest and listen to his hour teaching and 1/2 half hour of questions and answers.

"When we have inner peace, we can be at peace with those around us. In the practice of tolerance one's enemy is the best teacher." His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama

The Dalai Llama's teaching today included:

-inner peace is the most important, not material things.

-turn off the Ipod's, music, TV and sit and think. It is okay not to be entertained every minute of the day. Think and reflect on what it is to "be me." Just think.

-Anger should be objectified. Feel it and image it to be...a ball, whatever and then the angry energy is diminished in its power. It is energy, that is all. We make the choice how to use it or let it go. If someone hurts us it is a "time to teach" the way of non-violence.

-Compassion within us must be nourished. It is the highest goal for humans. We have the ability to develop compassion. The Dalai Llama told the story of the Tibetan monk held in a "Chinese gulag" for 18 years. The Dalai asked him, "What was the most difficult challenge you faced during your imprisonment?" the monk replied "When I felt I was loosing compassion for the Chinese who held me captive." (I thought of Dow and the years he held me emotionally captive and how I tried to be compassionate toward him. Dow never changed his behavior. I need to confront him non-violently especially as to how he raised Jason.)

-The world is so interdependent in all ways that war is obsolete. The time for war within human history is past.

-We must work with the children to teach dialog as a way to solve problems for the next generations.

-Divorce is okay if no children involved.

I lay on the ground and listened to his words of wisdom and rested. I think I might have even fallen asleep for a few moments-in the middle of 10,000 silent, respectful, caring persons. I thought I would have been so tense if Dow were with me, I never would have fallen asleep. I was so comfortable for the first time in my 64 years as he spoke healing words for my soul. What a blessing to be alive, to listen to a wonderful teacher. What a gift for this day. :-)

When I arrived home, I wrote the blog and became increasingly tired. I lay down about 6PM and thought, "I'll rest for an hour," I didn't wake up till 9 PM. I give the rest over to the Dalia Llama, his words soothed my soul at a very deep level. A blessing to be a single person, to be able to rest when called by my body on a Sunday afternoon. I feel so much better. I plan to eat a little something, then read the Sunday Chicago Tribune.

Andy Kay, a Chicago artist who created the backdrop for the talk was asked what drew him to the collaboration, "The Dalai Lama is the only world leader who has the courage to sate that war is obsolete." After experiencing the destruction of war at Walter Reed, I too want to speak the message loud and clear for the rest of my life, "War is obsolete!"



Saturday, May 5, 2007

Moving Out/Moving In III

After two weeks of sleeping in my apartment, it is beginning to feel "like home." Boxes are filling each room and I only have the office of the condo to "weed and pack" and bring over. Today I purchased a TV and a radio for the kitchen. (I know a "20th century thing," but it is who I am. I love to listen to the radio while I cook.) Plants and photos fill each window sill. It is great to have windows on the East, West, North and South. Our condo was very long and narrow with light blocked by the six-flat next door. This first floor of a Chicago two-flat gets sun all day. Yes! I am looking to plant annuals on the South side. The landlord, a wonderful man from Ireland, said, "You can have a very small budget." We will see what that means as I was an avid gardener in Virgina, yes, Blacksburg from 1979 to 1996.

I find I read the newspaper at night as I lay in bed. I find my four days off are giving me the flexibility to sleep in. I was always so tense while still sleeping at the condo. I decided to move out when the settlement negotiations began. Didn't want to have any words with Dow over the terms of divorce settlement without my lawyer present. Dow always dominated and manipulated me emotionally in any and all discussions and decisions in our marriage and family life and "that dog don't hunt any more!"

I have joined Bally in Rogers Park and found out they offer a yoga class on Monday and one on Tuesday. Yes! I love yoga and haven't had a class in years. Now if they would only have a Tai Chi class. I don't pay more for the class and because I am a "senior" I paid only $199 for a year membership, really doable, at least for my budget this time.

Didn't do much packing or unpacking today as I had a Pax Christi meeting this morning to begin to plan a fall day event focusing on the "Costs of the Iraq War." We want to look at the loss of life, injuries, resources(such as war over health care, housing, education, the environmental needs) and the effects of munitions such as depleted uranium on persons and the earth. I have also been invited to a patient's birthday party so off I go. I also have another patient near death and may be called to make a death visit as I offered the family one if this beloved mother dies on the weekend. It is a sacred trust to be able to accompany a family as they say "Good bye to their loved one."

I have been asked to preside by my faith community next Sunday and include the readings for Mother's Day for your possible reflection. I belong to a "radically progressive--back to early Christianity faith community." Roman Catholic in our roots we have married men and women preside. We focus on the peace and justice understanding of the Christian writings. Each presider can decide on readings and ritual. I love it and know Godde in Her goodness provided for me by leading me to the faith community. When I attended the first time, I said, "This is the community of Jesus" Why? Because we have "homeless/halfway house" men and women attend. Jesus was always "hanging out with the marginalized." I wouldn't want to worship anywhere else! I always include those present in the role of presider/reader for the liturgy. Just like "What would Jesus do?" Come on in and be nourished by the Word and Bread of Life.

Reflections from Julian of Norwich
When God was knitted to our body in the Virgin’s womb,
God took our Sensuality and oned it to our Substance.
Thus our Lady is our Mother
In whom we are all enclosed
And in Christ we are born of her.
And Jesus is our true Mother in whom
We are endlessly carried and out of whom
We will never come. (pg. 99)


In Jesus we have the skillful and wise
Keeping of our Sensuality as well as
our restoring and liberation;
For He is our Mother, Brother and Liberator. (pg. 101)

Just as God is truly our Father,
So also is God truly our Mother. (pg 103)

This I am—The capability and goodness of the Fatherhood.

This I am--the wisdom of the Motherhood
This I am--the light and the grace that is all love
This I am --the Trinity
This I am--the Unity
I am the sovereign goodness of all things.
I am what makes you love.
I am what makes you long and desire.
This I am—the endless fulfilling of all desires.”


A mother’s service is nearest, readiest and surest.
This office no one person has the ability
Or knows how to or ever will do fully
But God alone. (Pg 104-105)

From:Meditations with Julian of Norwich: Brendan Doyle
Bear and Company, Santa Fe, NM 1983

Mother's Day Proclamation - 1870

by Julia Ward Howe

Arise then...women of this day!
Arise, all women who have hearts!
Whether your baptism be of water or of tears!
Say firmly:
"We will not have questions answered by irrelevant agencies,
Our husbands will not come to us, reeking with carnage,
For caresses and applause.
Our sons shall not be taken from us to unlearn
All that we have been able to teach them of charity, mercy and patience.
We, the women of one country,
Will be too tender of those of another country
To allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs."

From the voice of a devastated Earth a voice goes up with
Our own. It says: "Disarm! Disarm!
The sword of murder is not the balance of justice."
Blood does not wipe our dishonor,
Nor violence indicate possession.
As men have often forsaken the plough and the anvil
At the summons of war,
Let women now leave all that may be left of home
For a great and earnest day of counsel.
Let them meet first, as women, to bewail and commemorate the dead.
Let them solemnly take counsel with each other as to the means
Whereby the great human family can live in peace...
Each bearing after his own time the sacred impress, not of Caesar,
But of God -
In the name of womanhood and humanity, I earnestly ask
That a general congress of women without limit of nationality,
May be appointed and held at someplace deemed most convenient
And the earliest period consistent with its objects,
To promote the alliance of the different nationalities,
The amicable settlement of international questions,
The great and general interests of peace.

Happy Mother's Day to Those Whose Children

Happy Mother's Day to those whose children
Are those for whom their love must be their womb,
Pleased to labor in a common garden
Pruning plants they would themselves have sown.
Yes, praise to those whose love is notwithstanding,
Mothers who could not be mothers, yet
Of charity and need came to the calling,
Taking from the world what joy they would.
How well the will can ride an errant wind!
Each fate is but the field of our endeavor.
Reason may resist our heartfelt ends
'Ere we share our passions with another.
So may we all, through sacrifice and love,
Daily do what will our spirits prove,
Asking only for what we might give,
Yielding not our labors but our lives.

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Counting Blessings

The Jesuits have a tradition of before going to bed each night.
They discover a blessing in their day and one thing they would do better.

Today's blessings
1. A new nurse came on board for our hospice team. She is knowledgeable and caring. It will be a blessing to minister with her for our patients and their families.

2. A group of women get together to meditate on the day of the full moon (today). The moon being a symbol of feminine energy. This meeting was to take place on the lake shore here in Chicago. However it was sunshine and a very cold wind off the lake. My intrepid friends decided to meditate from the warmth of their living rooms. So when I arrived I found myself alone on the beach with the Chicago skyline before me. I walked for about an hour wandering through a bird sanctuary created by the City of Chicago and saw warblers, red wing blackbirds, a bunny, robins and starlings. The trees beginning to leaf, the flowering blossom buds waiting for a warmer day to burst into bloom. All of the mystery of creation, all drawing me into the wonder of life we take so much for granted. Each life is precious, each moment of life is precious. I am thankful that this universe, taking 14 billion years to create me, decided to do so. What fecundity, what generosity of our never done evolving universe.

3. I came home renewed and refreshed after my meditation to make a simple supper of salad, sauteed wild salmon, orange slices. Tried to make homemade tartar sauce for the first time but was not happy with the results.

4. A daughter of a hospice patient two years ago called me to "check in." We caught up with each other's lives. It was so good to hear her voice and renew a friendship started on the journey toward death as we held sacred her mother's life. She is still clearing out the household items. I wonder if I will be "clearing out " two years after this death of a relationship.

What I would do differently?
Today I tried to reach out to a patient, it didn't happen. The connection between the two of us didn't occur. I know I cannot minister to all but my heart is sad for this very young adult patient could use all the support possible from the community. He journeys alone toward death. I hold him in my heart and prayers. You do the same.

Nothing from Dow/lawyer about the proposed settlement. He leaves for Florida on the weekend, and I thought for sure I would receive his counter proposal by now. Sent an email to my lawyer.